Scenes from a Marriage 2
by Meg2
Summary: This is a sequel to Dead Wrong/Dead Certain, Snapshots and Scenes 1. Spoilers for all nine books.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N- This is a sequel to Dead Wrong/Dead Certain, Snapshots and Scenes from a Marriage 1. You'll be pretty much lost if you have not read those stories._

_The Southern Vampire Mysteries and Sookie Stackhouse Series are the creation of Charlaine Harris. I hope she doesn't mind if I play with her characters for a while._

_Dedicated to the lovely Lani and Kalo! Sorry it took so long. :-)_

_Abundant thanks to Mia for the Swedish and German translations._

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**Scenes from a Marriage 2**

_You're the deepest well I've ever fallen into… ~ Jeff Tweedy (Wilco)_

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**I.**

**Late June 2011**

"I'm not wearing that. Put it right back in the garment bag."

"Mrs. Northman, Ms. Flanagan really thought…"

I looked at her with a dark expression.

"Amy, I don't care what Ms. Flanagan thought. Ms. Flanagan thought I was going to cut my hair and put highlights in it. That didn't happen and neither is that dress. I don't dress like that. I will not show that amount of cleavage to anyone other than my reflection in the bathroom mirror or my husband. You can tell Ms. Flanagan I said so. She thought _wrong_."

The hairstylist's brush was hovering over my hair, waiting for me to stop talking before she turned the blower back on.

I was so over this photoshoot for _American Vampire_ magazine that I felt like getting up and walking out. And I was so over the American Vampire League, Nan Flanagan and the stylist, and the entire public relations duty, that I was hovering on the verge of telling Eric I just wasn't going to do this anymore, period, thank you very much.

"But Mrs. Northman…"

"I don't want to appear vulgar. Ms. Flanagan had better finally get that idea in her head."

Amy Collins, my personal and very much unwanted stylist, looked totally caught off-guard. She was totally not Pam. Pam could do magic in my mind when it came to getting me to look fabulous but feel comfortable. Pam understood what I would wear. She understood _me_. The stuff that Amy, or more likely Nan, wanted me to wear made me queasy and rebellious.

"But I don't know how to tell her no," Amy said, in what was practically a whisper to herself.

"You want me to tell her? I'll tell her. Does your phone do video? I'll let you record me telling her that I refuse to wear that and you can send it to her. It looks tawdry and I won't look that way or make my husband look that way since then he'd be _married _to someone who looks tawdry. Seductive or kind of sexy I can do just fine. Tawdry, I won't."

"But… tawdry? You don't think it looks sexy?"

"No. It looks trashy, Amy. Wearing a halter dress with my boobs is already highly questionable, okay? But that? That low cut? You're kidding yourself if you think I'm going to be photographed in that. It's totally _not_ happening. They better have a backup plan."

"You won't even try it with the tape holding it in place? I mean, it's just for one photo. It looks so pretty with your coloring, don't you think? She selected the dress. She's really expecting you to wear this dress. They, she and Mr. Sansone, were thinking about it for the cover," she bit her lip. "Can't we make it look more, um, conservative by taping it and pinning it?"

"I learned my lesson the last time. If I say yes for the photo, the next thing I know, I'll be asked to wear some god-awful thing to some event. No. I'm sorry Amy, but no. And I wasn't kidding. If you want _me_ to tell her I said no, I will, so that you don't get in trouble with her."

In the past eight months I had entered an almost adversarial relationship with Nan Flanagan. There is a price for everything that most vampires do for you. Especially Nan Flanagan and the AVL. After conferring protection on me, the AVL had proceeded to act as if I was _theirs_. And by this I mean in the true vampire sense. Not in some quaint, 'I love you so much or you're like family to me' possessive sense, like Eric and Pam and various other vampires who seemed to think that for a human I was pretty worthwhile. No, this was rather more feudal. I had to balance my ire and lack of desire to cooperate with her and the AVL, with the very real need to at least have a veneer of being cooperative for Eric's sake. Part of me thought that Nan Flanagan was enjoying deliberately making me uncomfortable, too. Nan evidently had been quoted as saying that I made Eric look positively obliging. She was continually getting irked by my refusal to do whatever she or her PR crew wanted, just as they wanted it, when they wanted it or my even having the temerity to question _why_ they wanted it.

Well, I was drawing a line that would not be crossed when it came to the clothing selection for this photo shoot. Being photographed in that dress constituted a loss of personal dignity in my mind and therefore it wasn't happening. The dark navy dress might be a pretty color but the plunging neckline with the halter tie was just way, way too much. Or not enough, to be more precise. Not enough covering me, supporting me, keeping me in place. As far as I was concerned and I wouldn't wear it.

But the dress selection was, of course, of little surprise coming from the Flanagan crew. After all, in March they'd wanted Eric and me to do a photo for a _Vanity Fair_ article on American vampires in which I would be sitting naked, photographed from behind, with Eric standing front of me, also naked (at least shirtless, suggesting he was naked) leaning forward and actually (_really_) biting my neck while glancing toward the camera. Thankfully, I didn't even have to say no. Eric said 'no, absolutely not' for the two of us, much to my relief and without my having to even open my mouth. He'd taken one look at my face and that was all it took for him to flat out refuse. We'd posed instead with me sitting in his lap and both of us, full clothed, laughing. But then he wanted the photographer to capture that _originally _planned image later, privately, so _we_ could have the photo! I had to give the photographer, or whoever in the AVL had come up with the idea of the original concept, credit for evidently being able to deeply stir the vampire mind… Eric had been practically relentless about getting me to pose with him for the photo. After everyone but the photographer had left, he cajoled, murmured in my ear and coaxed until finally I buckled. Since I'd have my back to the camera, he'd sort of sold me on the idea. I called it soft porn for vampires. He called it erotic art. Whatever it was, I still couldn't believe he talked me into it.

The evidence that he had talked me into it greeted me every day. The 32" by 40" black and white print was now framed and hung on our bedroom wall. Eric loved it. The camera's memory card, which contained the photos, was locked in his desk. I wasn't even sure how or where Eric got the image printed and framed. The photographer, poor man, took some nice regular pictures of Pam and me, too, which was what he thought he was paid for. Yeah, I didn't even bother asking if he'd been glamoured into doing what Eric wanted. It was _obvious_. The photos of Pam and me were wonderful images, in color and in sepia tone, though. With the exception of the occasional photo from our cell phones, the only pictures I'd had of Pam and me together up to that point were from my wedding. I had some of these new pictures framed and hanging above my desk in the dayroom. She had two in her office and one in her bedroom next to the blooming orchid of the week from her office. Of course, I was still a little shy about the large picture in _my_ bedroom. But it sure made Eric happy.

Currently however, I was sitting in a makeshift dressing room in the still only partially renovated estate that had been Sophie-Anne's. I was being styled for photos to be taken in the gardens of the estate, which had been just been renovated within the past six months. And now Amy, the stylist visited upon me by my dear friend Nan, was flustered over what she would be able to get me to wear that would achieve the desired look in the sunset-lit gardens against the white stone pavilion and benches, peacocks and a Maxfield Parrish blue sky.

I read through my email and messages on my phone while they finished my hair. Amelia was still having morning sickness that lasted 24/7 and was struggling right now so I was doing all our business correspondence. I'd told her I thought we should just cut back on work last month but she wanted to keep on with our plans. Work was slower these days since we hadn't been doing much out of state stuff. With the notable exception of public appearances with Eric and photoshoots for magazine articles, I had been following Dr. Ludwig's stress reduction plan. I worked only five days a week, ate at least two meals a day, and tried to sleep at least six hours a day. Most days, I wasn't going in to the office until around 2 pm. I'd work only a few hours in the office, head home before sunset and then if needs be, go back to the office around 8 pm. During the day I was guarded by Jamie and Harry (Bennett's nephew on his wife's side) and at night I was guarded by Rasul and Danielle.

Things were still strained between Cadel and me. In the beginning it was mostly from my end, but in the end, I think it bothered him so much that I was still bothered that _he_ got bothered. Back around the holidays I'd told Eric that I preferred Rasul and Danielle to watch me if I went out at night, instead of Cadel. Cadel said he was fine with that because my 'lousy attitude' might put me at even greater risk of getting hurt because he didn't think I'd listen to him. Eric was not very happy with either one of us on the matter. As the months had passed, I actually felt quite sad about the loss of the friendly rapport that Cadel and I had shared. We seldom even spoke to one another now. Once in a while when I'd read something or hear something that I knew full well that he'd like or laugh at, and I'd give it or email it to Stefan for Cadel. Stefan had tried to talk to me about the situation, but I just begged off saying I couldn't discuss it. Stefan would just look at me sadly. He felt badly for Cadel. I felt bad about it, but try as I could, I couldn't forget what I'd seen Cadel do. I still liked things about him but I was kind of uneasy with the thought of his guarding me. Jamie clearly felt odd being caught in the middle because no matter what Cadel had to say on the topic, Jamie and Cadel were really friends. Think about a Were trying to defend a vampire killing Weres… Yet Jamie never missed an opportunity to point out to me that Cadel was a vampire he genuinely liked. He thought that considering what Cadel probably could do if motivated that I ought to be thinking that he'd shown at least some restraint many other times. He pointed out how very gentle Cadel had always been with me. Finally, I'd told Jamie I didn't want to discuss it anymore. Heck, even _Pam_ had tried to talk to me about Cadel.

"What do you think I would have done to him?" she asked me about the Were Cadel had so brutally killed.

"I don't care to hear about it Pam. You're missing the entire point."

"_You're_ missing the entire point. Cadel, even if he kind of lost it, was probably restrained compared to what Eric or I would do to someone caught beating you up and trying to rape you. I can tell you right now the first thing to come off would _not_ have been fingers."

I cringed and my hands flew to my eyes as if trying to block out the mental image of that idea. I rubbed my face and then peered through my fingers at the woman who was my closest friend. The _things_ Pam _said _to me sometimes…

"Pam! That is so gross! What don't you understand about my not wanting to discuss it? And I'm having a hard enough time dealing with what I saw, okay? I don't need to hear any horror story predictions about how you or Eric would have done worse. Really, I don't. I have enough trouble dealing with the way all of you just casually act as if it's nothing to do great violence. I am not into the violence. I despise that element of vampire culture and you know it. You're not inuring me to it at all by talking about it flippantly. I'm trying hard to ignore the violence and look beyond it. Although, I'm not so sure that's a good idea either. I mean really, you're _not_ helping me here. You know, there are times where I just feel as if I'm like Carmela Soprano…"

"Who is this Carmela person? Was she with you in the FBI?"

I snorted. "No, she was a character from a TV show, Pam. _The Sopranos_? She was married to this big Mafia boss. She lived in denial about what her husband and his family and the whole world around her were really like. Sometimes I feel like that and I hate myself for it. I don't _want _to be surrounded by violence. But I don't want to live in denial about how I'm living or who I'm living with."

"Cadel and Stefan are right. You are so _soft_-hearted. It's so very _sweet_." She said this with an expression that looked as if she was smelling rotten food.

I then proceeded to outshine her every shot at the shooting range that evening, much to her horror. No holds barred, I was still a better shot than she was. Revenge was mine. Nothing unsettled Pam more than thinking a human was better at something than she was.

At least she'd been quiet on the way home.

Now, sitting while they finished fussing with my hair and Amy had a meltdown, I'd been exchanging text messages with Pam. It was about five minutes still until sunset so though she was already awake, she wouldn't be leaving the compound at the edge of the quarter and coming to my aid or support here in the Garden District to tell Amy I shouldn't wear the awful dress. Yes, I was on my own in the fashion self-defense department.

_what do you mean you'll look like a cheap bimbo? you're very picky for clothes. i bet it isn't as bad as you're making it out to be._

_halter dress with neckline plunging to my __navel__. think about that with a 32 year old DD bust, pam. and it's really short too._

_i'm enjoying thinking about it. i'm sure it will look fantastic._

_how much are they paying you to say this?_

_not enough_

_TAWDRY._

_you used to dress much trashier. it didn't bother you or eric then. it never bothered me._

_whose side are you on? i was 25 and not being photographed for a magazine._

_sometimes vampires like tawdry. what can i tell you? we're all very pro-sex. Looking trashy kind of goes with that._

_i'm not anti-sex. i just don't want to look trashy._

_prude_

_i am not talking to you anymore._

_but you just did_

_you are not being supportive. :p_

_what does that thing at the end mean?_

_it means i am sticking my tongue out at you._

_an invitation? hmmm. eric will probably be offended. _

_cut it out._

_oh, well, i bet i'm more supportive than that dress. i want to see this dress on you. can you bring it home?_

_i'm done. i'm going to call amelia. you're *__horrible__*._

_can we at least all see a photo of you in the dress? take a picture with the phone. slow work night and all… _

I groaned and was about to reply when,

"Mrs. Northman?"

I turned to Amy, who smiled at me with a chipper smile.

"Amy, didn't I tell you like a month ago to call me Sookie?"

"Here, Sookie."

She handed me her phone. I sighed heavily.

"Hello?" I said glumly.

"Sookie! How are you this evening? I hear you're looking beautiful for the shoot. Actually Amy sent me a quick photo she just took with her phone. So this is the deal. She told me you hate the dress Claude and I chose. So I say you need options. The dress or maybe nude, wrapped in the blue velvet stole that was also sent? The choice is yours. But you have to choose one. It has to be in blue as I understand it. Most people like blue and it's a comfort color. Claude is really enthused about the image for the cover, you know. But the racier the better, I say. Remember we want to boost sales and raise our profile. You also have to remember the image that we're trying to present here. Being a vampire's long term human is _an honor_. But you have to _look_ like you're attractive enough to capture Eric's interest for a while and… "

"Nan?" I said cutting her off.

"Yes, precious pet."

At that, I felt my blood pressure rise even higher… I gritted my teeth.

"I'm going to walk out now. And if you ever call me that again, so help me, I'll never cooperate with being photographed for the AVL again."

With that I rose, handed Amy her phone and walked back to the area with the jury-rigged curtain. I stripped off the robe and started pulling on my jeans.

"Mrs. Northman?" said Amy, from the other side of the curtain.

"I'm dressing Amy."

"Ms. Flanagan isn't done talking to you."

"Oh yes, she is."

I zipped up my jeans and pulled the sweatshirt over my head, undoing twenty minutes of the hair stylist's work. I stepped into my shoes, picked up my purse and walked out of the building.

"Jamie," I called out to him, as he was chatting on the phone leaning against the garden fence, "I'm leaving."

He looked a little startled, ended his call and walked toward the car with me.

"Mrs. Northman? Mrs Northman, wait!"

The stylist and the photographer and his assistant stood in the doorway. Amy chased after me, and looked totally stunned as I chirped the car alarm off, opened the door, got in, waited for Jamie to get in and then drove away.

"What happened?" asked Jamie, looking straight ahead.

"I'm totally over playing the vampire dress up doll for today."

He started to reply, thought better of it, and was just silent.

Forty-five minutes later, as I sat on the back porch of Amelia's house with Bob the Third purring in my lap, drinking a gin and tonic while Bert made small bursts of blue-green fireworks out of thin air to amuse me, Eric walked through their back gate with Markus. Markus looked amused to see Bert's little fireworks. He still talked about Bert's antics the previous spring in Tunica with great relish when Andor wasn't around.

"Bert, good evening," Eric nodded to Bert. "Sookie, why you aren't you answering your phone?" said Eric.

I regarded him with a dark look. Jamie walked out onto the porch with a Corona in his hand, and a very bilious looking Amelia followed after him. Jamie sort of bowed his head deferentially to Eric and went to talk to Markus out in the garden.

"My phone is in the house, in my purse," I said. _Don't you even start with me_ was the vibe I was sending his way. "I guess if you were worried, you'd have called Jamie, right?" I said with a raised eyebrow.

"I wasn't worried, I knew you were just fine. However, _I_ wasn't the only one who was trying to call you," he said with a chuckle as he walked up onto the porch, bent down and kissed me.

"Well you can tell that person trying to call me that I'm just her own little patch of sunshine and leave it at that."

"Oh, _that_ person also called me_, _and I'd have to say that she was sounding rather annoyed. But the person urgently trying to get in touch with you is Hunter. He says that they can't come down until Saturday but that means he'll miss your birthday. So he wanted to know if you could come up and get him on Thursday instead. Seems like Remy wanted to know as soon as possible because Hunter called _me _when you didn't answer. By the way, I was rather surprised that Hunter has my cell phone number, Sookie."

I grimaced a bit. I'd be willing to bet two to one Hunter found it in my cell phone and memorized it. That's how he'd gotten Pam's back in December. He would call her and ask her facts about vampires. Pam, who I might have thought would get really bent out of shape, actually found it quite amusing. She sometimes made stuff up and then he'd call me and ask me if the things she'd told him were true. I marveled at Pam's creativity. Vampires being vulnerable to _morning_ glory scent was quite inspired.

"I'm sorry he got your cell phone number, Eric. You know how he plays games on my phone? He memorized Pam's so I guess he did yours, too. And I'm sorry about the thing with the AVL photoshoot but I'm just not backing down. I'm not going to wear that dress they sent me to wear. It's vulgar and degrading and I just won't do it. I've got nightgowns that cover me more than that dress."

"She thinks I'm talking you into it as we speak and that you'll go back tomorrow and do it," he said with a smile. He sat down next to me and picked up my hand and kissed it with a wry smile on his face. "She's having it delivered to the compound so I can see that you're making a fuss over nothing. I'd love to see you in it, photographs or not. It must be some dress…"

"Tomorrow? You know Uri will be here in the morning, right?" I asked him.

I had been paying Uri to come to New Orleans and give me private Krav Maga lessons twice a month, since St. Louis. I'd pick up the full cost of his trip and every two weeks he'd come and knock the stuffing out of me. Even Jamie and Harry were joining in the lessons sometimes, although given Uri's age, I got a little worried that Jamie or Harry could hurt him. Most of the time though, they couldn't even touch him, however. Uri was working with me with weapons again now, too. The previous month, Stefan had come in to watch us training and I got distracted. I got myself stabbed and had to have some of Eric's blood to heal. Two weeks later I got a bruise on my cheekbone the size of an orange because of a moment's flagging attention. Uri was good for my safety in every sense to my mind. It was important to know how to fight and not to be afraid of getting hurt a bit in order to fight and survive. Some people, mainly Pam, thought I was out of my mind, however.

Eric gestured a kind of 'so be it' reply about the fact that in the late morning I'd be working out with Uri and likely end up being battered and bruised, unless I had a really top notch session. As upset as Pam had been about my sessions with Uri, I kind of got the feeling that Eric was looking at it from the point of view that my wanting to be able to fight _to survive_ was better than what I'd planned to do in St. Louis, even though I was fighting that time. He was very much into the idea that I should try to survive no matter what. He seemed to think that I should just trust to his ability to fix anything that might happen to me, a point insisted upon to me repeatedly for the past eight months. Alive, undead, Eric didn't seem to care.

"Well, Uri should leave me in fine form for being photographed," I chuckled. "I _love_ the idea. Wonder what she'll say when Amy is sending her pictures without my permission and I'm all banged up. Let them have fun photoshopping out the swelling and the bruises. But no matter how I'm looking, I'm not going to be in that dress or naked, wrapped in some stupid velvet shawl, or anything other than something _I_ want to wear. And if she ever calls me 'pet' again… Wait a minute, I can't do it tomorrow at sunset, anyway, Eric. You have that guy coming down from Baton Rouge for that meeting at 8:30, right? So you said you wanted me to sit in on that and listen. That's business and it's more important than any AVL PR stuff."

"Definitely, I'd say the meeting is higher priority in my mind. We can talk about the photoshoot later, it's obvious that you're pretty upset about it. You're going to have to do something because you agreed to it. We'll see what we can come up with. You are still unwell, Amelia?" Eric asked, turning to Amelia as she sank into Bert's lap, curled up and looked uncharacteristically fragile.

She just nodded her head in mute reply.

It was Amelia's second pregnancy since she'd married. The first had ended in a miscarriage at beginning of the fourth month, after a similarly difficult first trimester. Bert, though he didn't talk of it much, seemed very concerned that her desire for a child would be a source of sorrow for Amelia. She'd told me that Bert's mother predicted that it would be very hard for her bear him children. Amelia was ignoring her on the issue and said she'd just keep trying. I could see it really worried Bert, though. Actually, I was worried for her, too. Amelia always acted like she was so resilient, but the miscarriage had clearly affected her deeply. It had also created a bit of strain with Pam, who didn't quite understand why Amelia was so keen on having a child, especially if the early months of the pregnancy were making her so ill that it was hard for her to work. In recent weeks, she'd been so ill, I'd had to learn the rudiments of how to do simple warding just in order to meet some of our deadlines. On one job, Bert himself had gone with me, because Amelia was too ill to complete her portion of the security design. I was concerned for her but hoped she'd be fine once she got past the morning sickness.

Rasul and Danielle arrived just as Eric rose to leave with Markus. Eric left and I spoke to Hunter and agreed, after consulting with Jamie, that I'd come up and get him on Thursday. I cooled off at Amelia and Bert's for a while longer, Jamie took off and I headed back to the compound with Rasul and Danielle.

Rasul and Danielle were firmly a couple now, and even talking vampire marriage. They were a very interesting pair and seemed to share many common interests and past experiences. Of course, I'd always liked Rasul. I liked Dani too, but I wasn't so sure the feeling was mutual. Although Rasul was as warm as ever with me, Dani, who was French and about 300 years old, had been cool with me in recent weeks. Pam had told me that Eric had been thinking about setting them up in the infamously unstable Area 2 as a partner Sheriffs but that he was concerned about what he'd do for my security. He'd been much happier when Cadel had been keeping an eye on me at night to begin with, but stepping back from even entrusting my care to Rasul meant going with some unknown quantity farther down the chain of command. Rasul and Dani had been largely absent from New Orleans in the months before the St. Louis summit, scoping out business interests in Baton Rouge and shoring up relations with the Baton Rouge Were pack. My situation with Cadel seemed to have put the entire Area 2 plan on hold. I was very aware of the fact that keeping me secure was important from the perspective of not having any means by which to weaken Eric's position. It was important for more than just not having harm come to me on a personal level. If anything happened to me, it made Eric look weak or ineffectual and it could be argued that it even impacted the AVL, who had decreed that I was a person to protect.

Danielle, who had an MBA earned over about five years in night classes, seemed less than thrilled that she was using her hard-won degree to guard her employer's wife, however. I couldn't say I blamed her for the sentiment. She and Rasul had met at a Summit back in 2007 and after Eric had taken over Louisiana, Rasul had convinced her to give Louisiana a try. He'd been in Louisiana for decades and thought Eric was likely to be at least as successful as Sophie-Anne had been in tenure of the state for many decades. Danielle's attitude seemed to convey that she liked Eric, and his policies, but was pretty much getting to the point where she was sick of me, and the loss of opportunity that I represented. The previous week I'd told Pam that I thought that Eric was making a mistake and that he might lose both Danielle and Rasul in his service if he didn't just go ahead with the Baton Rouge plan. The idea had been that Danielle would run the business aspects of the area while Rasul shored up the security of the Area, which had been hard hit by the steady attrition from the area after Felipe was gone. I couldn't see Rasul chancing losing Dani. If they stayed here in New Orleans, they'd likely just end up resentful or ask to leave. And then Baton Rouge would continue to be a thorn in Eric's side. I didn't want to be the cause of either of those things.

I let Rasul drive my car and just rode in back. Danielle humored me by trying to help me practice some French as we drove back to the compound. Danielle was from the ancient city of Carcasonne, though after she'd been turned she'd been led all over France, Spain and North Africa by her sire, whom she called a Romani. When she first told me about her history, I thought she meant her sire had been Roman like Eric's. Rasul corrected me, and said no, that her sire had, in fact, been a gypsy. Dani had led an interesting life and had only moved to the US after World War II. She was fluent in her native Provençal, French, Spanish, and even Arabic, along with a number of other languages including Romani. I was finding her more fascinating the more I got to know about her, but I couldn't say the reverse was true. Dani had very little patience for me currently. After making small talk for just a few minutes, I finally said,

"I guess it's awkward to broach the subject but I wanted to let you know that I was talking to Pam on the other day and told her that I feel bad if the only thing keeping you here in New Orleans is watching over me. I'm going to tell Eric that I'd feel perfectly fine with Toussaint guarding me. I'm sure I'd be safe with him."

Rasul glanced up in the rearview mirror and said, cautiously,

"Sookie, the only thing keeping us here is Eric's decision as to where we are most needed."

Dani let out a snort and looked out her window. I could see her scowl in the reflection.

Rasul glanced quickly over at Dani and then murmured in a low voice,

"Ma chère, ça ne sert à rien…Il ne faut pas dire du mal de cette femme."

All I got out of that was something about speaking badly about a woman. She turned to him and said,

"Pourquoi pas? Why not? Why do I have to walk on eggshells around her? So she doesn't think even worse of us? If she is so judgmental it is a waste of time to pretend all is light and happy, anyway. C'est un fait accomplis."

"Danielle! Du calme! Sookie, I'm sorry. Danielle is in a bad mood and she's saying things she doesn't mean."

"Ce n'est pas vrai!"

Rasul slammed on the brakes and we screeched to a stop. He pulled over to the side of the road and glared at Danielle.

I was kind of apprehensive about what to do or say, so I said nothing for a moment. They switched from arguing in French to arguing in Arabic, which as Ahmed had always told me, appeared to be a language designed with refined arguing, about almost anything, in mind. But it was very clear they were speaking some dialect of Arabic because I could hardly understand even the simplest things and while I might not be able to speak much Arabic I was certainly used to hearing enough of it. Finally, I just said,

"Rasul… _Rasul_! Dani is entitled to have her own opinions, okay? She doesn't have to shut up because I'm Eric's wife. It's fine."

He paused for a moment to calm down, then said,

"It _isn't_ fine. It's disrespectful. And she will be apologizing."

"No, I will not. She has just said I can have my own opinions so I have nothing to apologize for."

"You will apologize for your rudeness in sharing them," he said with eyes glowing angrily.

I leaned forward and tentatively put my hand on Rasul's shoulder.

"Rasul, she doesn't have to apologize, okay? I guess I'd like to know what it is that makes you think I'm so judgmental, Dani. I don't understand why you think that and I want to know."

"The situation with Cadel is not being judgmental? Why do you blame Cadel if Stefan also killed Weres? What is it that is wrong about Cadel defending you, defending your honor and Eric's?"

"Ça suffit comme ça! _Enough_ Danielle! This is not our business. Sookie, _I_ apologize. We will head back and Danielle is going to be quiet."

He looked so angry at her. I guessed he was worried that I'd tell Eric or Pam. There was not a doubt in my mind that Eric and Pam _would_ think that Rasul allowed her to be insubordinate or disrespectful, even though I disagreed, and even though it wasn't like Rasul was supposed to be Dani's boss. I guessed Eric and Pam would see it as reflecting on Eric's decisions or something. So clearly, they'd never hear of it from me.

"Dani," I said, "my issue wasn't with what Cadel did, it was with _how_ Cadel did it. I actually feel a little funny even talking about it. I mean, I guess I don't think it's very fair to Cadel, to talk about something he did that upset me, with you. It's between Cadel and me. I'm sorry if you think it makes me judgmental. And Rasul, I won't say anything about this to Eric or Pam, if you're worried about that. It's okay, and I know that you both must be frustrated. That's why I even mentioned it. I told Pam that I think it's a mistake to keep you here if you could be in Baton Rouge. Maybe she can persuade Eric of that. I feel very safe with Toussaint. He's careful and I'm sure that with Cadel and Andor supervising plans I'll be fine. That's what I wanted to tell you both. That I realize how frustrating it must be and that you could do better work somewhere else. I don't want you stuck here, watching me, if you could be doing something else which you're both obviously better suited to."

Rasul steered the car back out into traffic and was silent. Leaning against the window behind Dani, I could see his jaw working angrily. He'd known Eric for several decades at this point and I was sure he didn't want to mess things up. But he had to know I wasn't going to go telling tales. It wasn't my style.

Finally, just as we got to the compound, Danielle said quietly,

"I think you are judgmental because in the time I have know you, you act as if you still think that being a vampire is a terrible thing, a terrible life. That would be just as prejudiced as my saying that your life is miserable because you are a frail, short-lived and weak human. And I'm not even addressing your evident thoughts on the moral spectrum. I find them too offensive."

Rasul turned to her and growled something in Arabic and she swept her hand through air in a gesture of disregard.

I thought about it for a moment… Maybe she was right. Maybe I did think that being a vampire was living a terrible life because of how you had to live or how many did. Not in the sense of being a terrible person, since I like many of the vampires I knew, but… well, I didn't know what I thought about her comments.

"Maybe you're right, Dani. You've given me something to think about. And there's nothing wrong with getting me to think about my perceptions, Rasul. Maybe in the end, that's being a real friend. I'd rather have the people around me make me think. Really, I would…"

She had given me food for thought. Especially because she was kind of outside the immediate 'family' circle and was probably, therefore, less biased. It wasn't exactly like I could honestly expect that Stefan or Andor wouldn't take Cadel's side. Honestly, I wondered about whether I had been unfair with Cadel. I entered the compound and thought again about that night in St. Louis, as I had many times since. I was still haunted by that night. I had baited that Were into beating me much more perhaps than he would have, certainly more than Salome would ever have desired since I lost a fair amount of blood in the process. Yes, Cadel had arrived at a scene partially of my _own_ making, instead of it being entirely the Weres'. Maybe if I hadn't fought so hard I would have been raped and Cadel would have been just as angry or maybe even angrier, although that prospect was a bit daunting to consider. The only time I'd ever seen a vampire angrier was Eric fighting fairies. But still… was I blaming Cadel for reacting so violently to something I had a hand in? Because I _was _trying to get that one Were to kill me before Salome could do it and turn me. I remembered even Stefan thinking that killing the Weres, especially the ones directly involved in trying to rape me, was pretty much fair harm considering how I'd looked. And Stefan was a person who was definitely not inclined to violence. Stefan felt badly that I was still so upset. He also felt badly for Cadel being so hurt by my response to the way he defended me and had told me so, even risking Eric's wrath since they'd all been told not to talk to me about it. Stefan and Pam continued to mention it, in spite of Eric's directive.

I sighed as I climbed the stairs. About the best I could say about the entire St. Louis situation was that I had benefitted from Eric's glamouring me and improving my ability to sleep. I was still having nightmares occasionally but they were so far from being what they were and they were over so much more quickly. These days I even had and remembered _pleasant_ dreams. I was glad that I had finally trusted Eric enough to do it. It had given me an immense inner ease compared to how I had felt the past five and a half years. And it had made Eric so very happy that I trusted him and let him help me. Eric probably also would have pointed out that I should be grateful for my official protected status with the AVL, but honestly sometimes I questioned the price of that protection.

When I got upstairs I found they had indeed delivered the blue dress for Eric to see and it was hanging on our bedroom door. Pam had attached a note:

_This oversized blue handkerchief is at least pretty for your coloring. I showed it to Eric. I know it will stun you that he says it would be better if it were red. I think he doesn't see anything wrong with it at all. Neither do I. As long as you don't move too quickly or lean forward or bend over in it, I think it's fine. If you stand absolutely still, it will look utterly delicious on you. __v--v_

I shook my head. Well, at least she agreed with me that I shouldn't be photographed in it.

I went off to the kitchen to prepare something simple for dinner, did some correspondence for work, answered a long email from Ahmed, touched base with Uri and then read. I was reading a lot of history for some reason lately, instead of all my usual forays into fiction. I had just finished a biography about William Wilberforce and the slave trade and I was now reading about the French Revolution. So I ate and read and worked and ignored all the many messages from Nan Flanagan and from poor beleaguered Amy Collins. I dozed lightly for a bit in front of the TV, with Rosie purring in my lap. Finally around 4:15 am, Eric came back upstairs and sat on a chair he'd pulled up next to my armchair. He picked up my hand and waited a bit for me to wake up.

As I stretched and yawned he smiled watching me. Rosie left my lap and I leaned over and kissed Eric.

"So are you calmer now, about the the dress?" he asked with a smile.

"The dress is not the real problem, Eric. Nan's micromanaging and condescending attitude is totally intolerable. Why is she even so directly involved with something for the AVL magazine? Shouldn't Claude Sansone or one of his assistants be calling me about this stuff, instead? She's all over me, all the time, trying to tell me what to do and how to do it. If I question any of it she is so snide and caustic. I never knew that I was going to be expected to do all this social and media stuff in the first place. I already hated it before I became the AVL token human. But she makes it even easier to hate. I just feel like she deliberately chose that dress to make me upset."

"If you don't want to wear the dress, it's fine, Sookie. We'll _both_ just firmly tell her no. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do, or that makes you uncomfortable." He smiled at me, looking quite pleased about something. "But, I do have a request."

I looked at him and sighed heavily.

"Yes, Eric… what is the request?" I asked apprehensively. If he was going to find someway to ask me to wear the dress for the photo anyway, I guessed that we were going to have an argument.

Instead he surprised me by leaning closer to me, nuzzling against my ear and saying,

"I want to see you in the dress. But just for me. Before we send it back," in a husky voice.

I smiled and looked down at his hand, which was resting on my thigh.

"Anything else?"

"Hair pinned up," he murmured, still close to my ear. "Those sandals I like. The ones with the really high heels? No perfume. You don't need to put on makeup. You look beautiful just like this."

I looked up at him and smiled more. His eyes were glowing!

"So is this like a date?" I said leaning closer to him.

"A date, a tryst… This is whatever you want to call it, Lover," he said with a smile.

I trailed my eyes up and down him. He was looking rather… stirred. Fangs slightly down, even.

"Hmm... I take it this date is for now?"

"If possible."

I laughed. I yawned again, and rose, shaking my head.

"For you, Eric, just about anything. Let me go get the dress."

"I'll get the dress. You can put up your hair," he said, rising instantaneously.

"My, my, you're eager…"

"I have been thinking about you, in that dress, all night."

"Eric, you do realize I'll never agree to be photographed in it, right?" I said earnestly.

He smiled.

"I know you won't. But then, unlike Nan, I know you quite well, don't I?" He chuckled, kissed me on the lips and smacked me lightly on the bottom. Then he strode off to get the dress.

He hung it up on the door of my bathroom just as I'd finished brushing and pinning up my hair with a pretty clip. I turned around and he was gone, then back with a pair of sandals that had four-inch heels. He put them down and then took out his phone and started typing out a message to someone.

"Whatcha doin'?" I asked playfully as I slipped out of my jeans, t-shirt and bra, and then unzipped the back of the dress. I slipped it over my head and tied the halter portion in place. I looked at myself in the mirror as I zipped up the short zipper at the lower back and shook my head. This dress was a _scandal_.

"I'm telling Andor that we're going up to the roof and that if he sets foot on the roof while we are there that I will personally knock him off it."

I laughed. I had recently made a garden area on the roof. We'd put down a smooth flooring surface and installed some garden lights. Now, you could even dance there, under the stars. Given how much we usually enjoyed dancing, Eric wasn't happy when Andor showed up. It was always very obvious when Eric was starting to 'enjoy himself', a point which seemed to provide absolutely no end of amusement to Andor.

"I don't know that this dress is exactly designed for dancing or any kind of movement, Eric. It appears to barely stay in place when I'm standing still," I said, studying how it looked in the mirror while I turned from side to side.

He smiled amusedly at me and said, as he swept his eyes over me, "It looks wonderful on you. Designed for ease of removal, too," he said with a raised eyebrow as he ran a finger under one side of the halter top.

I met his eyes in the reflection and blushed.

"It's staying on while we're on the roof, though." No way was I ending up mostly naked on the roof. "_Right?_"

"I will not remove the dress. On the roof. You have my word."

"No sex on the roof _in the dress_ either, Eric."

He frowned.

"It's perfectly private."

"It's not private at all! Are you nuts? It's on the open roof_!_" I said wide-eyed.

He burst out laughing at me.

"You are so much fun to tease, Sookie Northman! Come _danc_e with me on the roof." Still chuckling, he tipped my chin up to his face and kissed me, then took my hand and we went upstairs.

It was quite hard climbing the steep stairs in the four-inch heels and fussing that parts of me were practically coming out of the dress. He picked me up and carried me after the first few steps. He put me down once we were in the garden. It was the almost a new moon. It was dark, with only the lights from the city around us, the dim garden lights, and the stars, sparkling faintly overhead. There was a pleasant breeze and I looked around at my stands of lilies for a minute or two. I turned to see my vampire, eyes aglow. He smiled at me, his whole face softening as our eyes met.

"We're buying the dress. But you're only wearing it when we're alone. It looks beautiful on you, with your skin. You're beautiful, min älskade, so very beautiful." He stroked my cheek. "You are not cold?"

I shook my head no, my eyes not leaving his. I loved the way he looked at me. It was beyond just simple desire. He looked like I made him happy. I felt his happiness.

He took me into his arms, and humming softly, danced with me under the stars, in the dress that now felt okay because it made him so happy to see me in it. He held me close as we moved and then twirled me around a few times. I somehow managed to stay in the dress. In the high heels, my lips could easily kiss his throat as I snuggled against him. We floated off the floor after a time and he still spun us around slowly. I rested my head on his shoulder, my nose pressed against his throat and sighed happily.

Really, Eric pointed out later, as he admired the picture on our wall yet again, we should be grateful to Nan Flanagan for _some_ things…


	2. Chapter 2

**II.**

**June 30, 2011  
**

I was barely awake as Jamie drove up to Red Ditch. It was easy to fall asleep when you'd had only three hours of sleep and Jamie wanted to listen incessantly to Chris Isaak and Keith Urban.

It was the day before my 32nd birthday and I was exhausted. I'd been up in Baton Rouge at the beginning of the week checking on security that we had installed for Area 2. I'd gone up at night with Dani and Rasul and stayed in a house that they had rented. Amelia, back when she had been feeling much stronger, had warded the house extensively. I was primarily looking into making sure that the security in the Area 2 compound was sound. After heading back to New Orleans on Tuesday night, I'd attended several more meetings for Eric and after the last of the bruise on my jaw was gone, I'd done the infamous photoshoot, in a dress that Pam and I chose together. I didn't know what I'd do without Pam. I didn't even know where she'd found it but it was midnight blue, strapless and if anything appeared to even make my bust look smaller with the right strapless bra. It had jet beading and ruched neckline. It was tasteful sexy. I was sure Nan would hate it, which made me even happier. The photographer, Valentin, said it looked fabulous.

As for the rest of the reason I was tired… well, with the exception of the usual meetings and workload, during the dark hours just before dawn, Eric and I seemed to be intent on banking amorous adventures in all the rooms of our living areas that would be off limits while Hunter stayed with us for three weeks. This was, of course, largely Eric's idea. He teased me and reminded me that _I_ had admitted that the previous summer when Hunter had stayed with us, that the dining table, the armchair in the library and even his _desk_, had never looked so mischievously attractive. He continued to tease me about the options of his downstairs office and the roof garden during Hunter's stay. I still wasn't entirely sure he was only teasing about the roof. He certainly wasn't about his office.

Jamie always enjoyed seeing Hunter, who he affectionately called either Squirt or Half-Pint. He genuinely liked kids. Hunter spent most of the drive back down to New Orleans straining against the seat belt I insisted he had to wear, while he leaned forward from the back seat to talk to the two of us. He plied Jamie with all kinds of questions about Weres. It was really funny. About an hour into the ride he told me deadpan that Cadel was right and that Jamie was a very serious person because he didn't make things up like Pam did.

Ah, Pam. After a while, I dozed off again as we drove south, thinking of a long conversation that I'd had with Pam while we were organizing things in her office. It was a conversation about Amelia, me, having children, life and love. Amelia was currently very annoyed with Pam, who didn't understand how it was that Amelia could possibly want to try having a child with Bert if being pregnant meant that she felt so sick. Pam had bluntly asked me why Amelia didn't just do what I was doing.

"What do you mean?"

"Borrow one."

I leaned forward and squinted at her.

"Come again? What do you mean?"

"You borrow a child, right? Eric cannot give you children so he lets you borrow one. You get a fill for a while and then you give it back. It seems like a good solution. Furthermore, you do not have to put up with the child when it is smaller and troublesome. You are keeping your figure by not bearing children. You have much more free time. You have a more civilized life. Borrowing seems highly sensible. Amelia should consider this option. When the child becomes tiresome, you can even send it away. It is my observation that children of many species become very tiresome at some point. Sending them away is a great advantage of borrowing."

I was speechless.

After a momentary pause, Pam continued,

"I told her that I believed her to be foolish. What will she do with some part Fae child, anyway? What a lot of bother. Hardly worth the trouble at all."

I cleared my throat. I hadn't said anything to her about how upset Amelia was because I thought it was something for the two of them to work out with each other. But the _stuff _Pam said!

"Well, um, Pam, I guess I'm like some part-Fae or fairy person, right? I mean, I know I have my faults, but I think I still turned out okay and fairly worthwhile."

"You are extremely recalcitrant. Any child of hers will have even more Fae blood. I simply cannot imagine it. And she will likely have to hide the child until it is old enough to cast glamour like Bert, correct? I mean really, the prospect is just ridiculous. Why would anyone look forward to such a thing?"

"But Pam, she _wants_ Bert's child. She was really sad after she had the miscarriage. She is so happy to be pregnant again. She _wants_ to have a baby of her own."

"Why would anyone want to be so ill just to have a child? It is hardly worth the trouble. Babies are extremely unpleasant. They are messy and noisy and an annoyance. It will interfere with your work and business. I cannot fathom what she is thinking."

I looked at her openmouthed, trying to measure my response.

"Pam, you didn't really tell her all that, did you?"

Pam tilted her head and her blue eyes almost sparked.

"Of course I did."

I tried to avoid rolling my eyes or making sounds of frustration or dismay. I drew a deep breath before replying.

"She loves Bert and _wants_ to have a child with him, Pam. It's as simple as that. They're only little for a very short time and it's worth the momentary inconvenience in order to have a child of your own to love."

"Oh, please. If you could, would _you_ have one then?"

"You mean, with Eric? Of course, I would, Pam… I mean… Well, I actually had kind of decided in the past that I didn't want to have a child, after what happened to Claudine when she was pregnant, and to my sister-in-law, Crystal. But, I mean, if it were possible, and if I thought it was safe, I _would_ want a child with Eric. Even if he or she might inherit my disability."

Pam snorted loudly.

"Your penchant for talking back is inherited?"

"The _telepathy_ Pam. I'd be afraid to have a child who was a telepath!"

"That has proven to be a disability exactly how? You have lost me there, as they say. It disabled you in what fashion? It seems to me that you've been pretty successful with it."

"It made my life miserable for a long time and is a very dangerous skill, Pam."

"Talking back to people hundreds of years older than you are is probably more dangerous. Unless you're married to someone even older than the people you're talking back to, that is. So am I given to believe that in spite of the fact that you have a perfectly acceptable child to borrow, that you would still have one on your own if you could?"

As I formulated my response, I felt this sudden wave of sorrow. I really would. I would have had Eric's child in a heartbeat if I could.

"Yes, Pam, if I could have a child with Eric, I would," I whispered.

But that wasn't going to ever happen, and so I might as well just push the whole idea out of my head. Sadly.

"I can see it even makes you sad. I'm sorry, but I just think the whole thing is preposterous," she said with a caustic tone. "I simply don't fathom why you and Amelia would think this way. It is foolish to want children. They're a lot of trouble. And they cause a lot of trouble in relationships in many instances. I read about it in Dear Abby all the time. I'm glad that you can borrow one and I wish that Amelia could do the same as an alternative. She has been ill for so many weeks at this point. Three solid months. She is continually sick when I have seen her. Does she expect that Bertram will just put up with that? She should think about it. It is preposterous!"

"But she _loves_ him Pam. She loves him and wants something of his. Don't you understand that's what it's about? It's a special kind of magic, to make someone with another person, right?"

"But it's ludicrous to be so inconvenienced just to get something that is a further inconvenience."

"Not to _her,_ Pam. Having a child would make Amelia happy. And I can tell you that even though she didn't tell me what you said to her, I think you've hurt her feelings. Instead of telling her what you think, maybe it would have been nicer to hear what _she_ thinks, which is that she's happy, even if she feels sick all the time right now."

Pam looked down and studied her nails.

"So you think I have been bad with her, then. That I have been rude or inappropriate."

"What was that word you used to use to characterize me with respect to Eric? Callous? I think you were callous. She already had a miscarriage and she feels so sick and she's supposed to be past morning sickness and whether she admits it or not, she's scared she could have another miscarriage. Telling her that you can't fathom what she's thinking or implying that you think she's wrong for wanting to have a baby isn't being helpful. It's insensitive."

"So I _have_ been bad with her then, in your estimation."

"I don't think you intended to be, if that's what you mean. When you were human, did you want to have children? Did you like children?"

She thought for a moment and was very still as of thinking back quite seriously. Finally, she went very stiff and looked angry.

"My older sister had two children. I spent time in their company, at her home. They were, so far as I could see, a source of sorrow. Her husband had taken a mistress. I knew this because she was very upset by it. She was told not to have more children. So he went and got himself a mistress. She had her children and he had his mistress."

"How very sad, Pam."

"The marriage had actually been a marriage for love. She was lucky that he was from an equal social position. The man I liked was not. He was socially beneath us and did not have a suitable income for marriage. But she was supposedly lucky and had married for love and then he…" She looked angry and didn't finish her thought.

"But maybe he loved her. I mean, if they were told she shouldn't have more children, he didn't want to harm her, right? If they'd gone on having sex, she'd have probably gotten pregnant again, and I guess the physician thought she might die if she had more pregnancies, right? That was usually the reason women were told that, right?"

"His infidelity hurt her a great deal."

I grimaced. I couldn't imagine how much, really, something like that would hurt. And to think that it was just going to be your life permanently, when you had truly loved your partner?

"But they were different times. I guess if it happened today, she'd just get her tubes tied or he'd get a vasectomy or she'd use birth control, right? Back then, I guess they didn't have other options, and clearly he cared enough not to want to endanger her. If he was still rather young or something, then… I don't know. What a hard thing for both of them. But it wasn't the children's fault that their mother's situation was what it was. You say that they were a source of sorrow but they didn't _do_ anything. It wasn't anyone's fault. It was the medical limits of the time."

"I hated him," hissed Pam. "I hated him for hurting her. If Eric had let me go earlier, I'd have gone after him."

"But Pam, he was still the father of her children! She probably still loved him even if she was so hurt. And maybe she forgave him. I mean, if he was still kind to her, still interested in his family, perhaps she came to see things in a different light. Don't get me wrong, it must have left her very sad. But there weren't a lot of options in those times. And being alive and well to raise her children with him seems like something better than the alternative. And from my reading I know so many men had mistresses even under ordinary circumstances, right? Maybe you were angry about something that she herself came to accept. You were so young when you died. And probably such a passionate and feeling person to have felt so strongly protective of her. But she was older and perhaps she came to look at it differently from what you think. Since you died, I'm sure Eric wouldn't let you go back to see how she was, right? It wasn't safe."

"Can you see yourself thinking it was fine in a similar circumstance?"

"No. But I also don't know that it would be realistic to expect a man never to have sex again, either. And hey, weren't you the one who was so pro-sex only last week?"

She glared at me.

"I find it so annoying when you attempt to use any seeming inconsistencies in my comments against me. It is a dangerous thing to argue with a vampire, a point you have yet to grasp."

I ignored her. I'd learned that Pam only attempted to bully me on the few occasions when I was right.

"You know, maybe it colors your thoughts about Amelia's choice, or even what my choice would have been if I'd had the choice to make. But it's a different time and it's Amelia's choice. Not yours. And you should respect her choices. It's what makes Amelia Amelia, right?"

She looked at me silently, almost without expression.

"Pam? Seriously, you have to respect her choices. She's your friend. You usually respect my choices, right? Well, Amelia's no different."

"I will hate him if it makes her unhappy," she snapped. Her eyes almost glowed and fangs were down. She felt so strongly about it.

I was surprised at how intensely protective she felt of Amelia. It gave me pause to think about what she'd do if someone hurt me, just as she'd alluded in the months after St. Louis. I looked at her for a minute before replying.

"You're a good friend, Pam. But it's really her choice to make, you know?"

"Your time here is so short. I do not wish to see it wasted in unhappiness."

"Bert is very kind to Amelia. He genuinely cares for her. I see no unhappiness there. I can read enough of them to see that, okay? Maybe he is the way Eric is."

"Eric is a very constant individual. The Fae are notoriously fickle."

"Well, I don't think he'd have married her if he was fickle. And I don't know how old he is, but I guess her life span is like a blip in his existence, just like mine is in Eric's. I guess when you look at time that way, it's not hard to think about being with one person for a while, right? And he's very genuine, Pam. I don't know how else to explain it to you. I just sort of know that about him. And I don't know how to get you to understand it, but you really hurt Amelia's feelings. She loves him and wants to have a child. Try to be happy for her. And if she has sorrow over it again, try to share it kindly, okay?"

She looked at me darkly.

"You should remember who the elder one is here. You're trying to sound all philosophical and old. I am more than five times your age. I have seen so much more than you have, especially from men."

"I know it's hard to care, Pam. Because then if she feels bad you'll feel bad for her. So it's risky."

She looked offended.

"Humans are such a lot of trouble. It is very _annoying_ to care. It was bad enough to care for one, but now liking another one is downright bothersome."

I handed her stack of alphabetized folders.

"Poor you, Pam. Personally, I think you enjoy having friends to care about, mostly human or not, no matter what brand of hogwash you're offering to make it seem otherwise."

We went on sorting for a while. When we were done, without even looking at me she said,

"I am glad you at least have a child to borrow. And Eric and I like the child because he is quite amusing and he makes you eat. I am in favor of almost anything that makes you eat, even a child. I promise you that if you get tired of Eric and agree to be mine, you may still have the borrowed child. In reasonable doses."

I rolled my eyes.

"Pam, for about the thousandth time, you are totally kidding yourself if you think I will ever be yours. I am Eric's. Permanently. You were there right at my side, and you _heard_ it. It's kind of irrevocable, unless Eric is pulling my leg. Are you actually suggesting he lied?"

She turned to me and smiled broadly.

"I do so adore bothering you. The look on your face is just priceless when I do. It is so amusing. I believe that only Eric gets enjoyment greater out of teasing you than I do. You are such a challenge. A more willful creature would be hard to find. And yet I can stretch you out like taffy. I enjoy it so. Perhaps I can aggravate you further? It is only fair considering how _risky_ my association with you is."

"Pam, I don't even know what to do with you. What are you going to do if one of these days Eric catches you saying this stuff to me?"

"Best to do nothing then. And Eric should know it is in jest, because you're far too prudish for any of my suggestions. Though I really don't like to think what Eric would do to me for making them."

"Maybe you could leave off with it then, before you get caught? Could you try?" I said handing her another stack of files, with a grin.

"If you insist," she said with a sigh. "Thank you for helping with the organizational work. I suppose you will be busy for several weeks now with the borrowed child."

"Do you think you could quit calling him that?"

She hesitated for a minute as if thinking it over.

"No."

I looked at her darkly and then we both burst out laughing.

Cadel came in to talk to Pam. He and I nodded to each other and I went back upstairs to wait for Eric.

**

* * *

**

By the time Jamie, Hunter and I got back to New Orleans it was early evening. I got Hunter settled in the dayroom, started making dinner, and confirmed plans for my birthday and the weekend. Hunter was so happy to be staying with me for a few weeks. Simple as the accommodations were for him, he seemed to truly feel it was a vacation.

"It's so quiet here, Auntie Sookie. So very quiet," he said wearily.

Unless we went out, or down to the first floor, basically my thoughts were the only thoughts he'd hear. And I had him practice tuning even mine out. He pulled my quilt tight around him and Rosie snuggled up against him. He looked so happy as he sat starting to watch _The Lord of the Rings_, which I'd gotten just for him. While I cooked, he fell asleep on the couch watching TV. Eric woke before 8 pm and I sat chatting with him while he showered and got dressed. He saw Hunter in the dayroom as soon as the sun was down. He actually seemed pleased to see him, which in turn seemed to delight Hunter to no end.

The following day Hunter and I ate dessert for breakfast and breakfast for lunch, watched movies and started on a six hundred piece puzzle of a map of the world. I celebrated my birthday at Amelia and Bert's house in the evening. Eric had taken the night off and he drove us to their house with Andor following behind. Pam rode in back with Hunter. It was wonderful except for the brief awkwardness of Branwen asking why the Welsh vampire didn't come. Branwen didn't even much like vampires so I was amazed she'd noticed. Frankly, I was even amazed that she had come to the party since she knew it was for me. She admired my dark teal blue dress and was pleasant to Pam and even relatively pleasant to Eric and Andor, smiling at them from the other side of the room. Bert seemed ever so tense in having her there but she didn't do any of the stuff I'd heard about from Amelia. There were no fires, no smitings and the room did not flood. All in all, it was a very pleasant evening. Amelia still wasn't feeling well but Pam was actually nice about it and helped me clean up at the end of the evening, while Amelia just rested chatting with Hunter while the guys sat outside talking. She felt bad that I was picking up on my birthday but I wanted her to rest.

When we headed back to the compound it already close to midnight. Hunter fell asleep in the back seat of the car and Pam looked as if she thought Hunter's leaning on her was at the very outer limits of what she could accept. Eric tipped the rearview mirror so that he could look at her and could barely contain himself.

"I think Pam should borrow a child, don't you? She looks so cozy." he murmured softly to me. He chuckled when she hissed softly from the back seat. "So, Lover, no inquiries at all about your birthday gift? No curiosity?"

"I was just enjoying my day and evening. That's enough for me."

"Really. Interesting. Okay, then, I guess I'll try to return it," he said as we started to pull into the garage at the compound. "I had my doubts about the whole thing and this just confirms it.

"Return what?"

"The car. Here I thought it was a good gift since your car is about five years old."

"Well, Toyotas last a long time, Eric."

"So do Audis, or so Cadel tells me."

He pulled up next to a dark blue Audi S6 sedan. I looked nervously at the car and then looked back over at Eric. I was shocked. Cars just weren't my thing.

"Eric, that's a really expensive car. Ahmed's brother Abby drives one. I thought we agreed that driving flashy cars just attracts unwanted attention?"

"It's a quietly expensive car. It's not a Mercedes or some flashy name. I hope it's okay with the light interior. We've had a huge argument over light versus dark interior. Cadel and Pam won. They voted for the pearl color. They thought black would get too hot in the summer if you were out in the daytime."

I got out of Eric's car and looked at the Audi. Cadel was pretending to be asleep in the driver's seat. Eric got out of his car, as did Pam, and he opened the driver's side door of my new car.

"Cadge, if you've put so much as a mile on this car, you are off to the coal mines," he said frowning.

Cadel was out the door and on the other side of the car in literally the blink of an eye, before Eric had even finished speaking.

'Key's in the ignition. Miles? Me? I'd never…" he said to Eric. "Where'd you get such an idea, anyway?"

Eric just pointed at his own eyes and then at Cadel, who broke into a wide grin.

"Pam, stay with Hunter. Lover, let's take it out and see if you like it," he said, gesturing that I should sit.

I nervously got in and looked at the car. It was gorgeous. He smiled as he closed the driver's side door and got in the passenger seat in almost as little time as it would have taken Cadel. Cadel, meanwhile, had walked around to where Pam was and looked delighted as he seemed to make some remark to her about Hunter. She snarled at him and he looked pleased with himself. Eric, meanwhile, smiled as he put on his seatbelt.

"You're going to have to make up with Cadel. He's so thrilled to see you get rid of the Camry. You've no idea. Plus it may be the only way to keep him from driving the car without your permission."

"I'm kind of scared to drive this car, Eric. It's a expensive car."

"Expensive or not, I'm sure you'll enjoy it. And you need to drive it. If I'd left it to you, you'd drive the other car until it fell apart. I have memories of other cars."

I stiffened slightly.

"This car looks more appropriate for our situation, is what you're saying?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"You're saying I might have more than one reason for giving this particular gift?"

I shook my head and started the ignition.

"It's a gift and I'm not complaining, okay?"

"Good, because for a minute there…"

I turned on the stereo and Eric opened the center console and took out an iPod that looked a lot like _my_ iPod that I used when I worked out and which I'd left on my desk upstairs. He looked pleased with himself as if he had planned all this behind my back. And so it seemed, he had.

"Wilco?"

"Sure," I said.

We drove around for about ten minutes with Andor following us.

"You like it?" he said finally as we reentered the garage.

"It's beautiful Eric. And it drives really well. It's a beautiful car."

As I put it into park, after carefully guiding it back into the parking space, he leaned over and kissed me.

"Happy birthday, min älskade. And the rest of your birthday gift, not determined by political expedience, is actually upstairs."

He smiled, looking more than a little amused.

"What? Why are you looking so pleased with yourself?"

"Because you didn't get all bent out of shape. If I'd done this a year ago for the same reasons, you probably would have gotten out and walked back." He started laughing.

"It's your gift, Eric. I can't be rude about your gift."

He tapped my forearm lightly with his hand, chuckling to himself. Evidently he thought I could have been or would have been in the past?

"Well, let's get out. Pam looks rather annoyed," he said.

Cadel was no where to be seen and Hunter was still asleep in Eric's car. Leaning against the car, Pam was doing email or something on her phone, while tapping her foot and looking extremely put out. She looked up at me, frowning.

"I know it was your birthday, but honestly, Sookie. _You_ borrowed him, I didn't. And I don't even begin to know what to do with him. He's there, _snoring_. A child and he snores. What hope is there for the creature?"

I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks for keeping an eye on the little Squirt." I opened the door and jostled Hunter gently. "Hunter, you need to wake up." I shook him some more and he finally stirred and dragged himself out of the car.

With my arm around his shoulders we walked toward the door to go upstairs. As we walked out of the garage and toward the stairs, we passed the kitchen and the hallway to the rooms. As my foot hit the first step, I heard a soft and seductive laugh and turned back to see a topless woman, standing with an open robe, in the doorway of the kitchen, looking provocatively at Eric, who was a few paces behind me and facing her. A faint bite wound could still be made out on her quite ample breast. Completely ignoring me, and Hunter, she licked her lips and seemed to beckon to Eric. I lurched internally with the shock of the entire scene. She was so brazen. And she was remembering…

"She doesn't have her clothes on," murmured Hunter to me, out loud.

I felt myself go bright red.

"Get her out of here," said Eric angrily to Andor, who was trailing behind us. "Get her out!"

Andor went over and pushed her toward the hall, blocking her from our view.

Eric turned to Pam and said,

"I want her packed and out of the building. Now. Tonight."

"Why was there a half naked lady in the hall?" asked Hunter, seemingly more alert. He paused a moment and said, puzzled, "She really likes Uncle Eric."

I took his hand and started walking up the stairs.

"We'll talk about it later. Let's go upstairs. You need to get ready for bed," I said softly.

When we got to the second floor Eric motioned that we should go on upstairs. As we trudged on upward I heard him talking to Cadel and Pam angrily in German. I still didn't understand enough German to catch what he was saying. The tone was obvious enough translation, though. Stefan seemed to show up and join the conversation but by then we were on the third floor and I was heading toward our rooms and couldn't hear any more of it.

I let Hunter get undressed and had him drink a glass of warm chocolate milk before he brushed his teeth and crawled under the covers on the daybed. I put Rosie up on the bed next to him and she settled down purring. I read him one of his favorite children's books, _The Empty Pot._ I kissed his forehead and turned off the lamp as I said goodnight.

I stalled for a moment or two, hovering around, checking things on my desk that didn't need to be checked, before finally going back out into the library. Eric was standing looking at books. He replaced a book on the shelf and glanced over at me, seeming to assess something. He held out his hand. I moved closer and, drawing a quick breath, put mine in his. He drew me toward the bedroom, picking up a box off his desk as we passed it, then closed the door after us.

It was totally dark in the room. He drew me toward the bed and the nightstand and turned on the light. He just looked at me without speaking for a moment. I kicked off my shoes and pushed them under the bed and started to pull my teal blouse off. He gently caught my wrist to stop me.

"No, no, no… I wanted to do that," he said softly. "First we talk, then you try on the gift, then the undressing."

"What is there to say, Eric?"

"I need to offer you my apology. And assurance that it will not happen again."

At those words I felt breathless and as if my blood ran cold in my veins. So it was _true_? I started trembling internally.

"Really? You know, actually, I'd like to read a while out in the library, okay?" I turned away and took off my watch and the bracelet that Amelia had given me and put them on the nightstand. My hands were shaking. I took out my earrings and then took off the pendant I was wearing and did the same with them. I turned around and Eric was still standing exactly in the same place looking down at me as if puzzled.

"What?" I said, looking up at him.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry if it embarrassed you in front of Hunter. And I'm sorry that… The whole thing was offensive and it happened on your birthday and in front of Hunter. I'm sorry."

"_Fine_. Like I said, I'm going to read in the library."

"Sookie… You don't…"

"I don't want to talk about it right now. I'm too upset to talk about it. If I talk about it it's going to get really ugly and I'm going to get even more upset and I don't want to wake up Hunter. Because if he wakes up, I'm getting in my nice little Toyota and driving to Amelia's house with Hunter. Got that? Out of my way."

He hesitated then said,

"Sookie, you're getting upset over noth…."

"Exactly what didn't you understand about what I just said? Fuck off. Leave me alone. Do you want me to try to say it in Swedish for you? Dra åt helvete. That clear enough? _Out of my way_."

I pushed past him, opened one of his drawers and took out a pair of socks, picked up my book and went out into the library. I turned on the lamp next to the armchair and sat down and put the socks on, so my feet wouldn't get cold. My hands wouldn't stop shaking. He stood leaning in the doorway for a few minutes as if thinking then finally walked over to me.

"Sookie, whatever you're thinking… look, it's not exactly what you're thinking, okay? Would you please come back over to the bedroom so that I can explain something to you?"

I opened my book on the French revolution and started reading about Robespierre's 1793-4 reign of terror in Paris, ignoring him.

He leaned over and said more sternly,

"If you don't get up and walk back into that room, I will pick you up and take you there."

Without even looking up from the page of my book I said,

"If you so much as touch me right now, we are both going to have a bigger problem than Leanna or whatever the hell her name is. So you will leave me _alone._"

"_Sookie_," he said, sounding frustrated. He leaned down and reached out as if to grab me by the waist and I slapped him in the face. He looked totally shocked. Frankly, I was shocked. I'd never hit him, ever. I didn't even believe in hitting people. What the hell? I was so angry… My anger, his anger, what was the difference? Well, my angry was _hurt_ angry. And maybe his was _caught_ angry?

"Do _not_ touch me. Are we clear? Do _not_," I said, looking at him fuming. Then I went back to reading, which was hard because now he was even angrier. I just tuned him out. Out of me and myself out of him.

"You cannot possibly be angry about something I did more than six years ago? You just can't be. You are going to apologize for hitting me and you are going to get up out of that chair and go into the bedroom, so that we can have a civil conversation. _Right now_," he growled in a low voice.

I turned the page of my book slowly. _Six years ago_? I glanced out of the corner of my eye at the floor. I smoothed the page of the book and tried, as unpleasant as it was, to get a clearer fix on what I'd seen in her mind. I tried to focus on the background of that... image. _Well shit! _Maybe that was where I should have started, right? It was clearly his office in the _bar_. I slowly looked up at him and bit my lip.

He was glaring down at me.

"I am waiting," he said quietly.

I slowly closed my book and rose and placed it on the chair. I turned and without looking up walked toward the bedroom door.

As soon as I was inside, the door slammed shut and I was pressed against the wall with glowing red eyes staring down at me. His hands were against the wall on either side of me, but not touching me.

"Still waiting," he said somewhat less than warmly, fangs slightly down.

"I'm sorry I slapped you. I was upset but it was rude and very wrong. I'm sorry. I seemed to have gotten the impression that…" my voice trailed off.

"That I had fucked her for a few months back in 2005 and was shocked that she showed up in my compound evidently thinking she could get more of the same now, in spite of the fact that it's very well known that I'm married? That makes two of us. Thank you so very much for taking the time to listen, Lover. As usual, just so charming of you to let me speak my piece before you go making assumptions. Let alone hitting me. Weren't you the one whose sensibilities used to be offended at the idea of striking me?"

I bit my lip and felt myself blushing yet again.

"Well, this is so embarrassing," I said quietly, still without meeting his eyes.

"Yes. Yes, it is. It's also embarrassing that you've probably reinforced the idea in the child's mind that we're running some sort of brothel downstairs and that you have to put up with my enjoying the clientele. How embarrassing for _you_. I'm sure you'll find a clever way to correct his understanding of the situation, though. Won't you? You _bet_ you will."

I finally dragged my eyes up to meet his.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again. "I just… She was just so… brazen. And she… remembers rather vividly." I winced and actually felt kind of sick thinking about stuff she remembered.

"Cadel had no way of knowing when she was cleared to move in. Pam recognized her right away but hadn't seen her in the building before tonight. And as you know, I seldom go downstairs for anything whatsoever. Nonetheless, she is gone. Packed and out the door. They will try to be careful that nothing similar happens again. And we will have tighter enforcement of the rules about remaining appropriately garbed in public areas."

I simply nodded.

"Touching you now is alright, then?" he said, his face close to mine. He wasn't as angry now.

"Yes," I managed to say, sounding slightly breathy.

He bent his head to mine and kissed me gently, still not putting his hands on me, however. I reached up to touch his face and he pulled away sharply as if recoiling from a possible blow. I looked at him with surprise.

"Not a good feeling, eh?" He looked at me as if he'd gotten just the reaction he'd intended. He took my hand in his and kissed my palm and then pressed it to his cheek. "This is more of what I'm used to," he said softly. "And we'll be keeping it that way from now on."

"I apologized, Eric…"

"Yes, you did. And I accept your apology." He kissed me again and then smiled. "I'm already putting a positive spin on it. You've become much more possessive. I'd never have believed it, frankly, your being so possessive. I must be making progress if you think I am yours, yes? Now I hesitate to imagine what you would you do if I ever did stray?" He chuckled. I started to reply and he kissed me quiet. "Not happening, so no reply is necessary." He bent lower and picked me up, sweeping me off my feet. He carried me over to the bed and sat me down on the edge of it, retrieved the box from the dresser and then sat down next to me. "Do you think that the next time you're upset about something like this you could actually let me talk to you, just in case there's no _need_ to have an argument?"

"Yeah," I said softly.

He handed me a dark blue box.

"I got these well before it was pointed out to me that your car didn't match the desired image. This is your _real_ gift."

I looked at the box, which said 'Mikimoto' and opened it to find a necklace with blue-black pearls on a white gold chain with a diamond encrusted sliding clasp.

"South sea pearls," he said softly. "I hope you like them. I thought they would look well with your skin and eyes. They are slightly blue. It is supposed to be a rarer shade than the usual black."

"They're beautiful, Eric. And I feel like a total jerk who doesn't deserve them right now. I just can't believe I slapped you."

He brushed some hair behind my ear and looked at me and frowned.

"In thinking about it, I'm sure my own anger fed yours. Sometimes, when we argue, yours feeds mine. You were very upset. I couldn't tell exactly at first _what_ specifically had upset you. I often think that telepathy has to be one of the worst things that could be visited upon a person. Living with it, with you, has made me rather more tolerant of your misunderstanding things at times. You get so hurt by some things you see or hear with me and you start reacting without thinking. I can't imagine living with it all the time. You possess such finesse in using it with everybody else, but when it comes to things between us you just react differently. I'm sorry for whatever it was that you saw in her mind. It is replaced long ago in my own thoughts by many, many more memories of you."

I closed the box, leaned over and kissed him.

"I love you so, Eric. Your understanding is the best gift I'll ever have."

He looked me directly in the eyes.

"You _do_ believe me, yes? It was six years ago, Sookie."

"I do."

He smiled and stroked the hem of my silk top with his index finger. "Taking bets on how fast?"

"No buttons pulled off this time. That's totally cheating."

He sighed.

"Agreed. Four seconds."

"No way. Absolutely no _way_. This skirt buttons, it doesn't zip."

"Four."

"You are _so_ going to lose this time, Mr. Northman."

I swear I had scorch marks by the time he was done and I hadn't even gotten through my fourth Mississippi. Not a single button lost.

"I should really wear pantyhose," was my only remark as I unzipped his trousers.

"That would add very little time and diminish the appeal. Although…what about the old fashioned kind, stockings with a garter belt?" He got a wide smile on his face as he looked like he quite enjoyed the idea.

"Don't tell me. Let me guess. Dark red, not black?" I asked playfully.

He touched his index finger to my nose.

"How ever did you guess?"

"If I detect even a hint of sarcasm, you're undressing yourself."

"I won, fair and square."

"I'm practically singed. What is it that you think you have won?"

"The necklace. I want to see how it looks on you. From a variety of interesting angles."

He grinned.

Later in the dark I said quietly,

"2005?"

"Early 2005."

"She looks kind of like me. I mean a bit younger maybe, but really, kind of similar."

I felt this uncomfortable sensation from him. Like _he_ was uncomfortable. Actually like he was embarrassed.

"Noticed that, did you? Hopefully you can also see how well that worked out as a solution to my problem."

"Your problem?"

He pressed his lips against my forehead and sighed heavily.

"Honestly, you have no idea what my mindset was like at that point."

"I seem to remember your saying you thought about killing me around the middle of the year."

"I do remember that wonderful comment," he said with a snort. "But you know, I disliked your being afraid of me, which made that whole idea rather a problem. Not wanting to frighten you was rather perplexing to me. Though not as perplexing as how I felt about you. I was so angry with myself later for having said that to you."

"Well, killing me would have solved a lot of problems. You'd even have made Breandan happy."

"And I'm all about keeping fairies happy, Lover. No, I'm thinking things turned out for the best, even if the path was rather twisted. Fuck the fairies."

After a bit of silence, I said,

"Eric, you once told me that you knew a psychic. What happened with the psychic you knew? I remember you made some cryptic remarks about the psychic."

He didn't reply at first and I felt a lurch of surprise and then a sort of dread from him. Finally, he said,

"I would prefer not to say."

"Why?"

He hesitated.

"It wouldn't be well received."

"Why?"

"It was a long time ago. I just don't see the relevance."

"Was it a man or a woman?"

He tensed further.

"Why do you want to know about this? What is the point of discussing something that happened so long ago?"

Too late.

"You _killed_ the psychic?" I whispered, feeling rather stunned at the idea and pulling back from those thoughts.

"The psychic was part fairy and guess you could say I got… carried away, while gathering some information."

I drew a deep breath. He got _carried away?_

"You _killed_ the woman?"

I felt him tense up even more.

"She was half-fairy. And very… Look, I don't think I want to discuss it. I almost a thousand years ago, it was a peculiar situation and it was… a serious error in judgment and behavior on my part, as I am willing to frankly admit. Especially since she might have continued to be useful."

"An _error_? You _erred_? Geez, maybe I should have been more scared you would kill _me_…" I said softly, amazed. I was trying not to pull away from him in the bed, but honestly, the idea of Eric getting _carried away_ and draining some half-fairy woman was rather unnerving.

I could tell that he was agitated by what I was feeling and not just what I was saying.

"You know, your trusting me long ago was absurd and absurdly… disconcerting. I simply couldn't fathom it, since you clearly were not stupid. Actually, the fact that you were so trusting made me more cautious in my behavior at times. Like it was a point of honor in a peculiar way. Even once I got you back I couldn't fathom it at times. Look at your Will for the money you got from Brigant? I just can't fathom the way you think at times, Sookie. Really I can't. Sometimes you are so _dis_trustful but most of the time you have been trusting with me in ways that I cannot even begin to comprehend. I do not think I have ever given you real reason, however, to feel I would _harm_ you."

"I never felt after the bond that you would hurt me, except when I ran away. When you found me in Virginia, I thought you had come to kill me."

"By then I found that utterly amazing. You didn't fear me when you should have and did when you didn't need to. It's quite ironic."

"So I don't need to fear you? And Hunter doesn't? And _most_ people don't? I mean, I don't understand what has changed because you have never seemed like the kind of person to just go around killing people, Eric. You've told me yourself that you aren't."

"These are not times where one _has_ to go around killing, Sookie. I cannot offer you further information about that… situation. If you want to hear me say it, yes, I killed her. And as for you or Hunter, you're mine. You still don't even begin to understand what that means in my world or to me in particular. You clearly have no reason to fear me."

I found it both disconcerting and comforting that Eric was stating that Hunter was _his_. Given the tenor of the whole conversation, I didn't know what to make of that fact. Had the _other_ psychic been his? _Gathering information_? Had he gotten carried away in bed because she was part fairy or… ? I was frankly, a little bit afraid to ask or even to consider the possibilities. And what he was telling me, even though I was pretty sure from what I knew of Eric, that he was a _good_ vampire, was that perhaps he had not always been so enlightened or so good?

"So, from what you're saying, you haven't always been like you are now, is what you're telling me? That you haven't always been so…" I let my thoughts trail off. What did I mean to say? Decent? Humane? _Not _an evil vampire_?_

"I have not always had the _luxury_ of being as I am now. In order to safely act as if enlightened, living in an enlightened age is a useful thing. I do not think you have an accurate appreciation of living in other times. You read your nice and neat history books and think you grasp it and I can absolutely assure you that you do _not_. Even in the present, relatively enlightened, times there are many places, as you know all too well, where life is not held particularly dear, if one's lifestyle differs from the constraints of other's perspectives. Try extending those little pockets of danger everywhere around you and maybe, just maybe, you'll have a better sense of things. I have tried to be as good as the times will safely let me be."

"What about _since_ you have lived in this relatively enlightened time?"

"What do you mean?"

"I keep hearing these rumors from people about what you and Maxwell Lee did to Victor Madden, for what he caused to be done to you, Bill and Maxwell. It doesn't sound too enlightened."

"That I will not discuss with you, as I have told you before. I do not wish you to get involved in some of those darker moments. It is… counterproductive."

"'Counterproductive' to _what_?"

He hesitated before answering. I could feel that he was getting upset and his mind and the whole feel of him seemed obscure to me.

"To everything between us. It serves no purpose to discuss it. It was before I had you back and it is not your business, as I have told you before, _repeatedly_. Let it alone. It will only make you, and therefore me, unhappy. You should enjoy the fact that we now live like poster children for the vampire mainstream world. For the most part, that ethos reflects your values, even with all the PR, rather more closely than they do my own." He was quiet for a moment as he ran his cool fingers over my thigh. "You should be happy with the status quo, Lover."

"I should, eh?" I said, sounding doubtful.

He made a shuddering chortle.

"Yes, you should. You can view yourself as the great civilizing force, if you wish. But on my own, I usually avoid being cruel. I am not, for the most part, into the idea of causing others pain, not liking it very much myself. Let's say that I am very efficient. I brook no challenges to my plans or interests but do not usually like long and drawn out retributions, either. Swift and clean. I'll give people the occasional chance to make amends. But yes, I have a reputation for not being someone anyone would want to tangle with. This should make you happy. It should make you feel secure. For yourself, and for the child you love. I think that you should put into perspective the norms of behavior in any era and count yourself fortunate that you live now. Especially considering what you are. In different times you might find that you lived far more as I have than you'd like to believe of yourself."

I shivered in his arms as his cool lips pressed against my temple. I'd often thought about how many telepaths, even as children, might have been killed as witches in different times. I'd even had evidence of them being at risk in present times, after all, back home in Bon Temps.

"I love you," he said in a cool voice. I felt the gentle swell of warmth from him at the same time he spoke the words.

I rubbed my cheek on his chest.

"And I love you, Eric."

We were quiet for a while but I could still feel that I'd kind of unsettled him with my questions and the stuff he'd told me or that I'd seen that he didn't tell me.

"I don't want you to feel bad about what you told me, Eric. I don't want you to feel bad about telling me the truth about the life you've lived. I see you as you are _now_, today. It seems like it would be kind of wrong to hold things from a thousand years ago against you. I don't know exactly what it was that happened with the psychic fairy woman and don't need to know. But I'm sure that even back then, the person who stayed to take care of Andor when he could have left was a pretty good person."

"It is not easy to live your life continually trying to be 'good' when your circumstances clearly give you so many opportunities to be otherwise with virtual impunity. On the other hand, one has only to look at Salome or others like her to remember why it is worth the sustained effort," he said tensely. Then relaxing a bit more, he said, "Even before I bound you, I would never have killed you, Sookie. You are decent and gentle. You are unique. No matter how chaotic my thoughts and feelings were for a time, I would _never_ have harmed you. It simply wouldn't have been in me to do so."

I closed my eyes and focused on the warmth I felt from him. With my head on his silent chest, I said no more and, after a while, just slept.


	3. Chapter 3

**III.**

**July 2011**

"You're really _sure_ that the guy is here right now, Hunter?"

He nodded.

The man would be wearing a wire and would be video recording a meeting with Eric according to what Hunter had described to me. They were planning something bad. He'd seen it a week before but now was sure the man he saw in his vision was _here_, today. Hunter sounded so definite about it that I wanted to see for myself.

"Stay up here, okay? Do _not_ go downstairs unless I tell you to, or unless Eric or Pam come to get you."

I opened my lockbox and hesitated. I ought to take a weapon just in case. I had a Taser, but a lot of times tasered people had very chaotic thoughts. Shocking someone could scramble their mind and that probably would make the whole thing pointless. Plus… they made me uneasy. When I'd been at the Bureau there was a guy in the terrorism unit who had tasered someone and the person died from cardiac failure. I didn't like to think about shooting someone, but frankly a well placed bullet seemed like a better option if the person tried to flee. Definitely better than the taser or better than tangling with Andor and Markus. I took out my Glock and removed the lock on it. I put the magazine in and just for shakes, I attached the silencer, which I'd hardly ever used, even at the range. I went through my hardware kit and took out my broadband signal jammer and headed downstairs.

I entered the audience room and stood near the back near Andor, who glanced down at me, puzzled. I turned on the signal suppression device and he looked at me as if I was using a jackhammer, shaking his head and making a pained face. He also looked very intrigued by the fact that I was barefoot, not appropriately dressed and most especially that I was holding a gun.

I looked at the three human men in the room, who stood with their backs to me. I scanned each of them and the third man, the one actually talking to Eric, was the guy that Hunter described. His thoughts were edgy, but sure enough, he was thinking that the tape from the wire was making him itch. Stefan glanced past the man, over at me looking thoroughly puzzled. I signaled to Andor by pointing my Glock, that it was the guy in the black suit that I was looking at. Andor made eye contact with Markus, who was on the other side of the room.

I started walking toward the guy and turned up the intensity on the radiofrequency signal jammer to maximum. You could hear the faint crackling of feedback. The guy started to look agitated as Eric sat back in his chair staring at the man coldly. He was definitely doing some kind of surveillance for an anti-vampire group. I couldn't quite get the picture as to who, though. And there was more to it than just that. I walked up next to him and put the signal jammer on Eric's desk and then let the guy see my gun.

"Would you mind just unbuttoning your shirt?"

The medium height, dark haired man stared at me.

"What? What are you talking about? Who are you?"

It had to be pretty weird to be approached by a barefoot woman wearing a tank top, cutoffs in the middle of a business meeting with vampires and be asked to unbutton your clothes.

"You're wearing a wire," I said quietly. "And I want to see it."

"No, I'm not. What are you talking about?" He sounded calm but he had already started to panic.

I took the briefcase out of his hand and tipped it upward. Sure enough, Hunter was right there, too. There was a small lens that had been pointed in Eric's direction. I put the briefcase down on the desk and pointed to the lens for Eric and Stefan's benefit. I was hoping that my signal jammer was going to be enough in case it was sending live signal. I aimed it toward the wall just in case.

"I'm going to ask you one more time, nicely, to unbutton your shirt so I can get a look at the wire. My asking you is gonna be a whole lot better than having them ask you."

Eric rose from his desk. Like a fool, the man tried to bolt for the door. I shot him in the thigh. He started wailing. All the vampires looked stunned. They obviously were caught off-guard that I'd shoot someone. But no way was I going to let _them_ stop him. The odds of his faring well with vampires 'detaining' him were somewhat reduced. Andor and Markus had roughed up a Were so badly about six months before that he couldn't be questioned by Bennett for a month, because his jaw had to heal. He'd gotten involved in some extortion scheme and I had to try to read him to get the information for Bennett since his jaw was wired shut. Reading Weres was tiring. I'd learned my lesson- when people got in trouble in this room they usually weren't in good shape, if they were lucky enough to leave it. So, even though I could question someone without their need to reply verbally, to be on the safe side, since I didn't have a month or even a night, to do it in, I shot him rather than let Andor and Markus stop him. He could be questioned and patched up in no time if _I _stopped him, was the way I looked at it. As opposed to banged up and glamoured up and being so terrified that I couldn't get any answers to my questions. And this guy? Shot, he'd probably be able to deal with better than bitten.

I pointed at the other two humans, who were, needless to say, completely freaked out.

"Do something with them. Glamour them into forgetting what they saw or something. Get them out of here but don't let them leave the building yet."

After looking at Eric, who nodded, Andor and Markus each grabbed a man and pulled them out of the room.

I walked over to the man on the floor. He was bleeding and frightened. The shot hit far away from any arteries, so there wasn't all that much bleeding. I had learned well in my years at the FBI. But I was sure he was hurting. Only not as much as he might have been if he'd been tackled by a vampire. I'd have felt bad if I wasn't sure I was the better of his options. And if he hadn't been wearing a wire and surreptitiously poking a camera in my husband's face.

"You should try to calm down, so you don't bleed too much. Now, I'm going to unbutton your shirt and get a look at that wire, okay."

The guy kicked at me with his good leg and Stefan and Eric were at my side in an instant, Eric grabbing me by my waist, from behind and pulling me back toward him.

"You're sure he's not armed, right?" Eric asked me.

Not even with an ounce of intelligence, since he was kicking at me when I had a gun pointed at him. I just nodded to Eric.

"He's fine. No weapons."

The man stared up at my face, and then focused on my gun and seemed to pull back from the idea of kicking at me. Then, he finally seemed to take in the idea that perhaps I was not the most dangerous thing in the room, as he looked up at Eric and Stefan standing next to me. They did not look friendly with their fangs down. They weren't too partial to people kicking me.

"Chris? Chris Mason is your real name?" I asked firmly.

Eric walked back to the desk and took a business card out of a folder of information that looked like a contractor package.

"Well, it says here he's Michael Price."

At this point the man was flat-out terrified but his response was still defiant.

"They're listening to your every word," he said in an angry tone. "They'll come and get me out of here."

I pointed to the signal jammer on Eric's desk.

"Chris, the bad news is that your signal is white noise right now. It has been since I entered the room. Now, I would like to have a look at your wire. And if you kick me again, they're gonna get mad and you really don't want to see them mad. Stefan, could you help him over here closer to the light?"

The guy kept struggling and finally Stefan glamoured him into being still.

"Not too much…" I cautioned him. "Or I won't be able to get anything from him."

Stefan propped him up against the wall near one of the sconces and stepped back. I handed my Glock to Eric and walked over to the man.

I unbuttoned his shirt and looked at one heck of a _very_ professional wire job. I looked at the microphone carefully. It looked like… stuff I'd seen regularly for three long years. I turned to look at the briefcase. Luckily, it was unlocked. There were a few more of the packets with Michael Price's name on them and then there was the camera housing. Thank goodness it looked as if there was no transmitter.

Andor came back in the room and murmured that Markus was with the other two humans. He stood near me watching me go through the briefcase, removing the items so that I could get to the video camera.

"Can I borrow a knife or letter opener? Something with an edge?"

Andor pulled out a dagger that was about ten inches long and handed it to me. I shook my head and chuckled. Nothing but nothing was ever small when it came to Andor…

I drew a sharp breath as I carefully peeled the cover off the camera and looked at the assembly, which had an SD card for data storage. I was trying to see the manufacturer name on the components. It was hard to see. But from what I could see though, I wasn't liking the look of things one bit.

Only a couple of moments later, Hunter stood in the doorway, looking slightly unsettled by the sight of the man he'd seen in his mind, now clearly shot in the leg.

"Aunt Sookie?"

I glanced over at him. Smiling, he held up a magnifying glass I had in my kit. Stefan went over and took the magnifying glass from him and looked more than a little puzzled as he looked back at me. Eric sat down at his desk and gazed at Hunter unwaveringly.

"Hunter, what did I tell you? What did I say? Go back upstairs, _right now_," I said crossly.

I glared it him and Stefan looked from me to Hunter and then at the magnifying glass. I turned back to Mason's briefcase.

_Hunter! Did I tell you not to come down unless I specifically TOLD you to come down? I can't possibly keep you safe if you don't listen to me. Do you see that you have just brought me something that I was thinking about and now the whole room is going to know it? I told you to stay upstairs!_

I glanced back at him.

_I'm sorry. I… _He looked at me and made a face. _I wanted to see what was going on._

Well, at least he was honest. But Stefan had a look on his face like he was now totally convinced that there was clearly something to the rumor circulating that Hunter was like me. Andor looked at Hunter, then at me, and then over at Eric. Okay, so that was _two_ more people now.

_Hunter! Do you see what you have done?_

_But I thought they were like Eric's brothers or something, right? Like Cadel. They wouldn't hurt me because of Eric, right?_

_Hunter, the whole point is that the more people who know, the harder it is to keep you safe! _I felt this huge jolt of stress.

Eric looked at me and then glanced back at Hunter.

"I promised him that he could have dessert downstairs. He was a good sport when I beat him at chess. So the fault is mine. I told him to come down when he wanted dessert."

Stefan and Andor looked at Eric with expressions that said they didn't believe it for a minute. And there was no explanation there for the fact that he'd arrived with a magnifying glass when I'd been looking at electronic equipment.

Pam came in and asked what was going on. She turned to me.

"Markus told me you shot someone? I can't believe you did violence and I missed it! And it's so unfair Cadel didn't get to see it. I called him and he's coming. Could you shoot him again someplace unimportant, just so we could see it?"

She stood near Stefan as if she planned to pump him for information next.

"Pam, can you take Hunter downstairs to get dessert?" I said abruptly.

She looked at me as if incredulous. "_What?_"

"Please?"

"I'm sorry, I can't believe you just asked me to babysit your borrowed child. I'd like to know what's going on here, since I'm _second in charge_." She glared at me.

"So would I, which is why I want you to go get Hunter something for dessert. So I can _find_ out."

"Send him with someone else."

No! I thought to myself. I didn't want him going downstairs and sitting with Stefan or Andor and maybe getting any questions I didn't want him to answer. Well neither, it seemed, did Eric at the moment.

"_Pam_," said Eric harshly, "Do it. _Now."_

She looked very annoyed but seem to snap to attention at something in Eric's tone of voice. She walked toward Hunter and took his hand. She turned back and gave me a dark look. I was going to really owe her, I could clearly see.

Pam walked away telling Hunter about what the second to a vampire king was _supposed_ to do, as opposed to what she was currently _going_ to be doing.

I looked at the camera more closely with the magnifying lens and was very, very puzzled.

I put it back together but left it open so I could put the card back after I'd messed up the footage on it. I looked through the stuff in the briefcase again. Nothing useful or revealing. Then I walked back over to Chris Mason. I took out his wallet and looked through it, and then looked through his jacket pockets.

"Eric," I murmured in a low voice, "Can you make him forget that I was talking to you guys before? Like make him not too sure about how connected I am to you all?"

Eric stepped over and grabbed the man's face. Mason tried to avoid looking into Eric's eyes but Eric already had him in his thrall, seemingly just by touching him. It amazed me how easily Eric could glamour other people. My mind must be wired up weirdly I thought in passing. Eric released him and Mason slumped down the wall slightly. Eric nodded to me and smiled, then walked away.

"So Chris, who is Michael Price? Just a fake identity of yours? This is a fancy looking Louisiana driver's license you've got here with Michael Price's name and your picture on it. But your name is really Chris Mason, right?"

He didn't answer me so I moved closer

"What do you want with me, lady?" he said in a low whisper.

What I wanted to know was why someone working for the Fellowship of the Sun, or whatever this hate group called itself, had government issued surveillance equipment and what appeared to my eyes to be a genuine Lousiana license with a false name. Was he was an undercover FBI agent infiltrating the Fellowship or infiltrating this compound? Or was just working for the FotS or some other hate group, along with someone who had _access_ to FBI equipment? Because he was wearing a wire setup that easily cost about $3000 and carrying a surveillance camera that cost at least twice that. Chris Mason had me seriously worried.

"Where did you get it Chris? The wire… Who put it on you in such a fine fashion?" I whispered in an almost conspiratorial fashion.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said in normal tone of voice. I made a face at him and rolled my eyes, trying to signal he should keep it down.

"And the video camera? Wow! That's just not mall spy shop quality is it? Where did you get all this cool stuff? And _who_ did you get it from?" I whispered again.

He refused to answer me and was doing a pretty smash up job of not thinking about the answers, either. I was clearly going to have to take another tack. So I moved closer and touched his arm. Staring into his dark eyes, I said quietly,

"You were pretty brave to walk in here like this, Chris," I whispered. "You must have been proud that they chose you for the assignment, even if it made you a little scared. They knew you could do it, obviously. It's got to be a good feeling that they thought so highly of your abilities. To walk into a vampire compound, when you're so afraid of vampires is pretty gutsy."

I pretended to look at the wire a bit more, tugging at some of the tape and examining a portion of it with the magnifying lens.

"I'm not afraid of vampires. And I'm not afraid of you. I don't think you're even one of them."

"Would you be afraid of bein' turned?" I asked in a mischievous tone, while confirming in my mind again that this was a standard issue wire used by the Bureau. I mean I'd worn enough of them to know, since many times I'd interrogated people in the field because there was no special room to do so.

His eyes widened. I chuckled as I glanced up at him.

"Relax, Chris. I can assure you that you are not going to _become_ a vampire." No, you're far too useful in your present form, I thought to myself, and the thought of anyone here turning you is almost laughable, anyway. "And no one's going to kill you, or even hurt you more than you already are. I promise you. You'll be fine by the time you leave. You'll just have to trust me on that one. And I'm sorry your leg hurts. You can consider it a lesser of two evils situation."

He swallowed hard as he looked at me. I moved even closer to him and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Don't worry, I promise I'm not a vampire, Chris. I'm warm like you." I touched him again and he jumped. "You don't like vampires, though, do you? You don't want them here, eh? You don't believe vampires should have the right to live here in Louisiana? Is that what you think?"

"They aren't living at all," he hissed. "You're working for bloodsuckers. They are _not_ God's creatures. They're the Devil's. They're creatures of darkness, not the light. You should go to church and ask for Jesus to forgive you for working for them."

And then I got thoughts and images of his church, which was in Lafayette. And a fleeting image of a man who, from the back, which was all I could get, looked somehow familiar to me. But then he got control of himself again.

I moved closer still. His nostrils flared. I had just washed my hair earlier. He could smell my lavender–scented shampoo. He had this odd thought about me being so clean and vampires being dark, filthy and ungodly and what was I doing in this place and why hadn't they warned him that there were humans here upstairs. _They? Who are they? _ I thought myself. They'd also said the vampire king had a human wife but surely she was not upstairs in a meeting room, barefoot, wearing cutoffs and some tanktop. All the humans, who had sold their souls to the devil for free meals and shelter, were downstairs where the vampires would go to feed on them and have sex with them. Meanwhile the evil and ungodly creatures were here with me and I was acting like I didn't know that I was going to burn in hell for what I was doing…

Now that was something I could work off of…

"And would your Jesus forgive me, Chris. _Really_ forgive me?" I said softly to him. "Because I really don't want to go to hell.

He looked at me and seemed to have some sort of internal struggle. He was quite absorbed in this scrubbed clean image that I presented. But he didn't want to find me attractive, he didn't want to trust me or talk to me. Still I was the only human in the room. And, since I'd come downstairs in a bit of a hurry, I was also wearing a tank top that didn't leave a lot to Chris's imagination. I tried hard not to roll my eyes as I contemplated the fact that in a room full of vampires and a woman who just shot you, that you could still be interested in someone's rack. Sometimes men, not matter what kind they are, are just so predictable. This was one occasion on which looking slightly trashy was rather useful, however. I kept distracting him with my 'presence'.

Suddenly Chris flattened himself against the wall and I got this clear image that he wondered if I was a Were or wereanimal of some sort.

"Chris, I'm just a human, and I'm kind of stuck working here for the vampires," I whispered softly. "But sometimes, I think about leaving. And I wonder if I could find my way back."

"Yes," he whispered. "You can. You can be saved. You just need to leave this place and come into the light. Help me escape them and I'll help you."

Images and thoughts drifted in snatches and bits in his mind. Bombs. Targeting powerful vampire enclaves. Targeting Weres. Our state, other states. The organizers. Norm. Fellowship-type churches. Assemblies, armies, the militia... _Wait one minute!_

_Norm?_ He was an FBI agent working in the New Orleans office. The fleeting image I'd seen… From behind… _was that Norm!? _ The same Norm that had worked with Sara Weiss? FBI equipment and an FBI agent involved? I had to tread carefully so that I'd not end up having him shut down that whole avenue of information.

"Where could we go," I whispered to him, since I was oh, so close. "To be safe, where could we go? I just want to be safe… someplace they can't find me. Vampires are so good at finding the people the want to keep."

I got an image of a place, maybe some sort of safe house. Other places. Other… states.

"Help me… Help me get out of here," he said in the lowest possible whisper, which was probably like a speaker phone call with an excellent connection to any vampires within a few dozen meters. But it was useful that he was so ignorant. "We have places we could send you. To keep you safe. They won't find you. Just help me."

"Maybe you can help me, Chris. Maybe we can help each other. You want to save me, well maybe I can help save you," I said, in an equally low voice, pretending to further examine the wire taped to his chest.

He glanced around nervously and back at me, the poor human girl in the room with him and all the big mean vampires. He nodded ever so slightly. He seemed sufficiently off-guard so I went for a total non-sequitur, fishing for the information I wanted.

"Wow, Norm did a great job on this setup but it must itch like all getout, doesn't it? That's a lot of tape." I whispered ever so quietly.

He looked confused for a moment by my question but flashed, for just the merest instant, on Norm applying the cloth tape. Norm was not working for the FBI on this. Norm was somehow directly involved with this group. _He was one of them._

I smiled at him.

"Why, thank you, Chris. Thanks. Great conversation."

He looked puzzled and suddenly very unsettled.

"But…?"

I turned around and saw Eric, Stefan and Andor looking positively riveted. Behind them I saw Cadel, who definitely looked more than a little amused even though we were officially put out with each other.

Andor turned to Eric and said, in plain old English,

"She is _seriously_ sly. She is like Mata Hari."

Eric smiled at me. He was proud.

I walked away from Chris and poured myself a glass of water from the glass pitcher that was over on a banquet table on the wall near the entryway. I took a long sip and tried to decide whether it was worth it to try to get more information now, or whether the extended dead time on the wire was too big a risk. I thought we should probably wipe everything, clean him up and get him out of here.

Andor was still smiling at me, almost admiringly.

"It's what I did for several years, Andor. It was a real picnic being a woman interrogating Jihadis who think you're an infidel tempting them into eternal damnation and working through interpreters on top of it. I'd try to trip them up or look for inconsistencies between their thoughts and their statements and responses to questions. Chris, on the other hand, is a cakewalk."

I walked over and looked at the briefcase again. It really bothered me. That camera, and even his wire, should have been detected easily. They never should have made it in the building with the SecureScan detectors. Someone downstairs either let him pass, or at least the briefcase came in earlier with someone else. Either of which meant that someone had infiltrated our security. This was looking more and more troubling. Hunter had been right. It was a _big_ problem. I glanced back at Cadel.

"Cadel, did you see this? This stuff never should have made it in the building, right? Can you queue up the security tapes from today from the area around the SecureScans downstairs? Starting at say from dawn to about forty-five minutes ago. And then…" I looked back at Chris, who was starting to shiver. "We really need to fix his leg before he loses more blood. We need to be able to track him. Could someone glamour him into emailing me when he meets up with his… colleagues. Tell him I'm a woman he met that doesn't like vampires and was interested in his church. Make him confused about what my name is. Have him remember that I was just… attractive to him or something. We'll make up the address quickly."

Cadel disappeared and I walked back over and looked at Chris carefully.

"There's that guy named Jon living downstairs. He's about Chris's size. Maybe we can see if he'll give us a pair of black or navy slacks. We can't send Chris back with these. They have a bullet hole in them and the blood. It just needs to be something plausible, not an exact match. You can glamour him into thinking that he arrived in whatever we put on him. But it needs to be convincing for whoever meets up with him later. And we need to pop him back out of the building soon, or they're going to get suspicious. It's already a long time to have dead time on a wire."

Markus nodded and headed out the door to go downstairs.

"I should go catch up with Cadel." I pocketed the memory card from the video camera.

I started to head off to the office where we kept all the security stuff. Eric reached out and grabbed my hand, pulling me close to him.

"Sookie, who's Norm?" he asked quietly.

I shook my head with a frown.

"That's the bad part of the bad news. He works for the FBI," I said in a low voice. "He's a special agent in Sara Weiss's unit. This is much more serious than just this one guy and some cheesy plot and surveillance. The wire and the camera are government issue. This is about $10,000 worth of FBI equipment he's carrying and wearing, Eric. But from what I see, this isn't an FBI operation at all. So I'm thinking the Fellowship or this Assembly church group I see in his thoughts has infiltrated the FBI. It's frankly frightening. We have to think carefully about what we do with the info and who we talk to about this. This is potentially very dangerous information. For all of us."

Pam had returned to the room with Hunter, who had traces of chocolate on his lips. Eric looked down at Hunter with slightly narrowed eyes. I could tell he knew exactly what had led me downstairs to intercept Chris.

Hunter looked up at me, smiling ever so slightly. I met his glance and gave the slightest nod. He had "seen" something involving this man the week before and had recognized just this evening that the man in his vision was here in the building. If I had been in the room, or on the lookout for him, I would have caught Chris's thoughts. But Hunter had seen it a week ahead of time and told me what he knew, could see, of some dark plot. I'd thought long and hard about whether we should try to act on what Hunter saw. But what I saw appeared to me to be too dangerous not to do so. Now my goal was to intervene as carefully as possible, in a manner not geared toward getting us into even more dire straits.

Eric looked at me, then over at Pam.

"Hunter, we'll be busy for a while. You can try to play with Pam. Perhaps she will even play nicely. Pam, I'll send you an email."

Pam made a snarling face at Eric but she picked up Hunter's hand and murmured something about playing pinball on her computer.

Andor followed me to the room where Cadel and I had all of the surveillance equipment set up. Cadel, Andor and I watched the digital video security tapes in reverse time until we got to Chris arriving. He entered the building and went through the secure scan detector. He did _not_ have a briefcase when he entered. But the guy monitoring the computer for the SecureScan downstairs handed him a briefcase. Next we rewound the video footage trying to pinpoint when the briefcase had arrived. At around 10 am, packages were delivered. A man entered the building with a briefcase and went through the security checkpoint. One of the guards had stepped behind the SecureScans. I couldn't quite see what he was doing but it looked like he had something in his right hand, as Cadel pointed out. When he stepped back out, he was scratching his head with his right hand. After fast forwarding the tape I saw the guard hand the man a different briefcase from the one he entered with and put through the scanner. The briefcase he had actually entered with was hidden away, and looked to be similar to that carried by Chris Mason.

Andor stood behind me quietly taking it all in with me.

"I can go get the one guard still on duty now. The one that handed him the briefcase."

"No. We need to be careful. If too much starts happening all at once, they'll get suspicious. We need to go slowly. Wait until Chris Mason is out. Maybe we can take the one guy at the scanner aside and I can try to get something off of him. But the rest, we need to move slowly. We need just one or two who will be glamoured into telling us what they are all up to."

"It's a risk," said Andor.

"It's a bigger risk that if we're too obvious they'll pull up stakes and make a new plan that will take us a while to get wind of. If the security guys have something happen to them at the same time the wire and camera go dead, how will they not get suspicious?"

Andor nodded in agreement.

"What are they up to do you think?" asked Cadel.

"From what I could see in his mind, in bits and pieces, basically mass mayhem. They're planning attacks on compounds in multiple places. Not just us either, they're after the Weres, too."

Andor looked at me with a wry look.

"You just called yourself one of us, Sookie. Do you finally start to think of yourself like a vampire?"

I stiffened and started to open my mouth in reply.

Suddenly, in a whoosh that unsettled me, Eric appeared in the doorway. Andor turned to him and stood up a little straighter.

"Andor, she doesn't have time for your philosophical discussions. We have the clothes, Sookie. They're changing him into them. I've glamoured him as you suggested. Stefan made a dummy email address for you. Markus gave him some blood and he's healed. We should be able to track him if we need to. What do you want to do with the video camera issue?"

I took the memory card out of my pocket and slipped it into a multicard reader Cadel had set up. Unfortunately, it was password protected. Shit! I thought to myself. I was going to have to demagnetize it, and demagnetize whatever else he had on him, credit cards, cell phone and the like, to make it plausible.

"We need to demagnetize the memory card, and his cell phone and all his credit cards and his license. Maybe it will even make it plausible that his wire went dead. I need to demagnetize the memory card, because I can't even edit it. If I erase everything you can have him say he went through some sort of scanner that erased everything. Totally plausible. I hope. Cadel, do you have your old Blackberry holster down here?"

"Ah, a good plan," He said, digging around in his desk drawer for it. "Here. I hate the thing."

Eric and Andor looked puzzled.

"The Blackberry holster has a strong magnet in it. It's considered a real annoyance by people that have to wear them for work. I used to have all kinds of problems with mine erasing my credit cards and different media storage devices like my flash drives. I need to erase all this stuff and this is a quick way to do it."

Five minutes later, I had erased or damaged the SD card, all Chris's credit cards, and demagnetized components on the wire just for good measure. I tried to do his cell phone but I wasn't sure how successful I'd been. He was glamoured a bit more and then sent on his merry way.

"So now?" said Eric soberly as we watched the three men leave the building.

"Now we wait and see what info he can gather and email me about. And we watch those guys downstairs at the scanners like hawks."

The following day, I got up at 10 am and called Jamie. I left Hunter downstairs with Ruben baking sugar cookies then Jamie and I drove to Lafayette and I checked out the church with him. It actually took us a while to find it. The humble structure I had seen in Chris Mason's mind, that was that was the Assembly of God's Light, seemed like it would be a far cry from some of the huge powerhouse churches that had been favored by the Fellowship of the Sun in the early years after the Revelation.

Eric was livid when he found out that Jamie and I had gone looking at the church. He said I was far too recognizable, at least in Louisiana, and that it had been flat out unsafe. But I wanted to get a feel for what they were like around there. And I was curious about the organization that I'd seen in Chris Mason's mind.

A few days later, when Chris started contacting me about joining the church and attending Bible Study and Sunday services, it was obvious that they were actively recruiting membership. I got him to meet me in Metairie for coffee at Starbucks and after dragging him off in to a back room to interrogate him then glamouring him into forgetting me, Cadel and I had a ton of information about what appeared to be a deceptively well organized religiously based hate group which appeared to get all of their advice on some sort of plot from none other than a well-trained NOLA based FBI agent. But the shocker was that Norm didn't appear to be the _only_ FBI agent involved. Lolling around in Chris's thoughts were that there were other agents advising them. And that there were some fairly complex plans, that would come to fruition during the holiday season, when all the faithful were actively involved with the churches and unlikely to be in harm's way.

We very cautiously told the AVL and Bennett that there appeared to be a plot afoot and that there was involvement of the FBI somehow and that they had better not get involved until we had some idea of what was going on. Eric insisted we should just tell "the authorities" but my real question was, _who_ was it safe to tell? I'd even been nervous telling Bennett and Eric had practically threatened to have Andor kill him right then and there if he didn't swear he would not tell anyone at all.

Anyway, I certainly wasn't going to any of my old FBI colleagues with information about a terror plot involving their own. But the local authorities could do little with investigating something that involved federal agents and appeared to involve other states. After finally working through various backchannels I was put onto by Alla's husband Mercan, I spoke to an assistant deputy in the Department of Homeland Security. They were so noncommittal about the potential involvement of FBI agents in some plot that to me it clearly meant that they were not surprised about the situation. As it turned out in the weeks that followed, DHS had indeed been trying to infiltrate the Assembly of God's Light. They hadn't been making much headway, however, because generally they'd used the _FBI_ for infiltrating terror groups. They'd yet to identify an appropriate operative in this instance. By the time Sebastian Garner, the Deputy Under Secretary in the National Protection and Programs Directorate, was talking with me, I knew two new things about the Assembly of God's Light. They were a cleverly low-key and reconstituted version of the Fellowship of the Sun. And they were building an army.


	4. Chapter 4

**IV.**

**Late July, 2011**

"No. Just no. I want you to tell them that you won't do it. Humor me, Sunshine, and tell them _no_," he said in a not too quiet tone of voice.

"Eric, you have to admit what Garner is saying is true. I am the perfect person for doing this. I have got _tons_ of experience with terrorists, both domestic and foreign. I've interviewed more terrorists than probably any one person on the face of the planet. I know the way they think and I know how they organize. I know what to look for and I know how to do it discreetly. Plus, I know the FBI training and the minset and how they do what they do. If I went undercover I'd learn more and be safer than about 99% of the rest of the intel they could put there. I'm probably the best person anywhere for doing it. I know it and _you_ know it."

"Be that as it may, I don't _want_ you to do it. Safer compared to how it would be for most other people is not safe enough for me, Sookie."

"But Nan Flanagan is in there saying that the AVL supports my doing it and will help provide backup to keep me safe, Eric. You don't have to risk anyone here to keep me safe. She says they'll do it and he says they'll help coordinate the whole business. Together they make a very good case for my doing this."

"And I trust Nan Flanagan to keep you safe _from humans_ about as far as you could pick me up and toss me, Sookie. You're a _convenience_ to Nan and to the AVL. You're a means to an end, the end being mainstream acceptance and quite possibly being able to gain more political power. She will expediently use you to get whatever the hell it is that is her agenda of the moment. If it's you're gathering information to thwart a plot that stands in the way of her agenda, so be it. To her, you are an expendable sacrifice. Do you understand that? If the humans kill you, she will just parlay it into a situation where the vampires were better to you than humans were."

"Eric, it's a plot against all of us. Really, against _anyone_ who's different. And I can't just sit by passively knowing that there are people plotting to harm everyone I love and destroy everything I believe in. I want to do this. I can do this. You know that I can do it better than any operative they could put in place, even better than Barry if they could use him, because I know what I'm doing with this mentality. He _talked_ to Barry, okay? But I have experience Barry doesn't have. Experience probably no one else has. Plus, I'm a native to the area and know how to act and what to expect when living among these people. I was _one _of these people. Well, you know what I mean, not thinking like them, but living like them. And when you're undercover the less you have to fake the safer you are and the more information you're likely to get. So I have experience and skills that they're not going to find anywhere else. This just isn't a situation where I can turn my back and say there's some other way they could get the same information. There isn't. It's the right thing to do and I'm going to do it."

"How long are we even talking about? It could be months, he said? How do we explain your absence here? And they're going to keep you safe for months there? How? They say you'll be disguised but you're very recognizable. You've been in _magazines_, Sookie! On the cover of one! Think about that. You seem so confident that you can make yourself unrecognizable but I worry about what could happen if they figure out what's going on and someone _does_ recognize you."

"Eric, as you're so fond of saying, the average human mind isn't exactly all that attentive. Recognizable to people who don't even like vampires and their significant others, isn't the same as clearly recognizable to you, or a Were or really any supe. I'll be safe. Jamie will keep me safe. And as long as I'm on that job, I'm _sure_ Nan wants me safe."

"That's another thing that I don't like. Jamie. Why did I have to find out from that goon that Jamie was in on this?"

"I didn't know for sure that he'd agreed and that Bennett gave him the go ahead when we talked about it early this afternoon. I should think it would make you feel better that Jamie would do it, right? I'm telling you Eric, this is so much bigger than what you and I want, bigger than my desire to keep you and Pam and everyone with us, and so many of my friends, safe. This is not a trivial plot. It's a _massive_ plot. We need to do whatever we can to find out how deep it goes and stop it."

He stood looking down into my eyes, shaking his head.

"I want you to tell them no, Sookie," he said in a low, soft voice.

It wasn't some soft pleading look, that accompanied the request, though. It was more like the steel-eyed command look that I remembered from back when I was still working with the FBI and he hated it. Looking one way and sounding another, so that I couldn't quite get a fix on just how controlling versus cajoling he was trying to be. I used to get so ticked off at that stuff but it was really just Eric being Eric. His wanting to be controlling was really just another shade of being worried.

I shook my head. In a very low tone of voice, while still trying to sound concerned for how much it might upset him, I said,

"I'm telling them yes. It's too important an issue to start with all this, Eric. No fighting, no arguing. I'm telling Garner yes. It's the right thing to do. It's the honorable thing to do. I'll be _fine_."

His eyes looked at me with ice cold displeasure. Well, that answered that question about whether he was soft or hard on the matter. And then, as he stared down at me, I heard with that clear voice… _Tell them no! I do _no_t want you doing it._

Was he _kidding_ me?

"Skip the hijinks, Eric. There's no point at all in getting pissed off with one another if I'm going to have to leave relatively soon to go undercover. Getting angry with each other is just going to be wasting time together before I go do it. And I'm _going_ to do it, okay? End of story."

I turned and went back into the office and felt his now burning thoughts trail behind me.

Sebastian Garner and his aide rose as I entered. I nodded to him and gave Nan, and Toby Darton, dark looks. I didn't exactly trust them, either. But everyone would have at least some incentive to make sure that Jamie and I were safe. I'd have to trust to that basic thought.

After another fifteen minutes of discussion about how we would get it all to work, including explaining my absence, Eric excused the two of us and pulled me, none too subtly, outside the room, yet for another little chat. He was getting progressively more upset. I smiled at Garner as the door closed.

**

* * *

**

Hunter looked at me wide-eyed.

_But I told you, it isn't safe. Something really bad could happen to you._

_Something worse could happen to all of us, even you, if I don't help, Hunter._

_But what if something happened to you?_

_You said you thought you were going to come and live with me when you're thirteen, right?_

_Yes…_

_Well then which one is it? Which one is true? Or are they both true?_

_How could they both be true?_

_I don't know. But maybe I'll be fine after something bad and both things will just work out. Or maybe nothing bad happens at all and you're worried about something that could happen but won't._

_I want to tell Eric._

_There's nothing to tell. You said you don't see anything specific. So telling him will just worry him. What's the point in that? I'll be fine, Hunter._

_I don't like what I see. So I stopped looking at it._

_Well, then what's the point of saying you're sure it's bad? Maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe if it's upsetting you should just look farther ahead to see how things are. _

_I'm scared by what I saw._

_Do you see me dead?_

_No._

_Then I'll be fine._

_I want to tell Eric._

_Don't tell Eric. It will just upset him and you don't even understand what you see since you seem to see two mutually exclusive things. Do you really believe you're coming to live with me?_

He closed his eyes and seemed to draw a long slow breath and then nodded slowly.

_Yes. I can see it. I live here. With you and Eric and Pam. I grow up here. Cadel is my friend. I go to school and then to college. I see many things here. I even work for Eric._

_Well, then... don't worry. Because it's not like you'd be living here if I wasn't, right?_

_I'm worried you could really get hurt. That something bad would happen._

_A lot of bad things have already happened to me, Hunter. Your version of bad may be very different from mine. I have kind of a very different standard for bad that not everyone else subscribes to._

He looked at me closely and then rose and walked over and sat on my lap.

_But bad is still bad._

_That sounds very philosophical. But I'll still be fine. Leave Eric alone. It's already going to be enough of a worry to him. I _need_ to do this Hunter. It's important for keeping everyone, even you, safe._

_I'm afraid. What if I was wrong about something._

_How many times have you been wrong, Hunter._

_Okay, well, what if I, what's the word you say? What if I misinterpreted something._

_Sweetheart, I'll be fine. I promise you. I believe in what you see. If you see yourself living here, growing up here, I believe you. And that means I'll be fine._

"I don't want to go home. I want to stay here and know what's going on."

"If you get worried, ask Pam. Okay? Just don't start calling Eric. It will get him mad."

"I _want_ to talk to Eric. Before I leave."

"Hunter! You need to leave Eric alone, already. I'm not kidding. Besides, he won't be awake for hours yet. Please, Hunter. I trust you. Trust yourself. I'm going to be fine."

And then Remy arrived a little after noon, to drive him back home. I hugged Hunter goodbye and tried to reassure him. He gave me a troubled look as the car drove away.

**

* * *

**

"If you do this, I want your word that this is it. The last thing you'll do for them, for the government, FBI, whoever. The last time you'll put yourself out there at risk in any similar fashion. I went through it before and it was hard enough. No more. Your _word_, Sookie."

I looked back at the closed office door where Sebastian Garner and his aide, and Nan Flanagan and Toby waited. Eric was so apprehensive about the whole thing. The thought rippled through my mind that Hunter being worried was not a good thing, either. But maybe it was just because he was getting bigger and more aware of how fragile the world as a whole was? Then I reminded myself that Hunter already know all about fragility because of losing Hadley and all the many things he'd seen about me, about everyone, really. Still, Eric being so worried kind of threw me, though. I thought about my conversations with Bert. About what it was like to be setting yourself up for loss, loving someone who was basically ephemeral. It was hard enough before, and probably much harder now. But this was something that would potentially keep him safer. They had been filming Eric, along with Stefan and Andor and Markus and probably our entire compound when I'd caught them. I wasn't trusting someone else to ferret out information on this group.

I glanced up at Eric and nodded soberly.

"Last time. I promise. It's something to keep all of us, to keep so many people I know and care about, safe, Eric. That's the only reason I'm going to do it. It's the only reason that would be important enough to take the risks, okay? It's for _all of us_. For everyone I love. For _you_. For Hunter and Pam. I have to do this. I really have to. No one else can do it the way I can. No one."

I started to walk back into the office but he grabbed my arm.

"I've kept safe for centuries and I can keep you and Hunter safe, too. Right now, I don't give a damn about the whole AVL agenda, and all the Weres and everyone else," he said tensely. "The six of us can safeguard ourselves and you, Sookie. I really don't care about the rest of the situation."

"Maybe you should. Maybe that's the whole point. Maybe everyone of us should care more. Harm to anyone of us is harm to all of us, Eric. You all wanted to mainstream, to be out in the open. You can't go back in the shadows. This is it. The watershed moment. Do you _really_ want to be free? How much is too high a price to pay? I can't think of any price too high for me to pay for the safety and freedom of the people I love. It was what kept me working in war zones and it's what will make me do this. You should care. And really you _do_ care. Don't kid yourself. You're not kidding me. When you think like a king, and not like a husband, you know it's the right thing to do to keep people you're responsible for safe. And… I'll be fine. I know it for a fact. You trust _me_ on this."

His eyes were filled with doubt as I went back inside and told Sebastian Garner yet again that I was willing to start immediately.

**

* * *

**

**August 1, 2011**

I looked in the mirror and tried not to think about how much Eric would hate it. How much I hated it was already enough, really. Instead, I took in the fact that, if it had been even a little bit closer to black, I'd have looked like Hadley. The dark brown eyes that looked out from below the wispy dark brown bangs really reminded me of her eyes. And Jamie had died his hair black and was wearing colored contacts, too. He drew a line at getting tattoos though, saying his mother would kill him.

I picked up the hand mirror the stylist handed me and turned to look at the reflection of my reflection. I let out a heavy sigh. I'd cut it off. Cut it almost _all _off. My hair had never been this short in my entire life. It was basically almost a pixie cut. It wasn't at all flattering. I really didn't have the delicate features to pull off this kind of cut. It was frightening to think of how long it would take me to regrow the hair. On the bright side, thinking about how long it would take was keeping a positive frame of mind that I'd survive my undercover experience in spite of whatever it was that Hunter had seen that had freaked him out and which I'd lied about to Eric and which he'd very clearly sensed I'd lied about.

I nodded to the stylist and then took a sip of my extra large Jamba Juice smoothie. I was fairly sure that by next week, between being a very short-haired brunette with brown eyes and a nice tan, and weighing about 10 pounds more than I had in years and years, dressed in frumpy clothes along with supposedly being almost four months pregnant and looking it, Sookie Northman would be the very _last _thing that anyone looking at me would see.

We were Jenny and Jack Carter, recently moved to Lafayette from Texarkana, Arkansas. I worked in the Barnes and Noble bookstore on Johnson Street in Lafayette. Jamie, or Jack, as it were, worked as a security assistant manager at the nearby Mall of Acadia. Married a year and expecting our first child, we were looking for a church that reflected our 'values'. The bookstore assistant manager Shelby Thomas was my desired connection for all things intolerant.

In less than a week I was attending Bible Study at the Assembly of God's Light. A pregnant newlywed, fearful a world in which supernatural creatures seemed to pose unknown risks to my child and his or her future. Knowing just what to say, since I was a telepath after all, and could track her every response to me, I was in, just like that. Our stealthy contact for the DHS said that Garner and his staff were simply stunned. It had been so easy to get inside the Assembly church and make friends among those people.

If only it was easier _being_ there.

**

* * *

**

**Mid-August 2011**

I guess I hadn't thought that it would be so hard.

Being undercover was always supposedly hard, but I didn't think that it would be so hard in terms of confronting things about myself, about my life, my choices. Sitting there, with all these church-going women, along with their children and their simple lives, it was an almost searing reminder of how _not '_normal' my real life was.

"So are you hoping for a boy, or a girl, Jenny?" Shelby had asked me while changing Aster's diaper.

"Oh, I think I'll be happy with either," I said quietly, while stroking her baby's hair gently and thinking that actually, I had committed myself to being happy with _none._

As we walked back into the church and I held her toddler Jacksie, all I could think was that, at one point in time, I would have thought this would be my life. Working mom, church on Sunday, the pleasure of holding a baby in your arms, a toddler patting your cheeks, babbling on and squealing with delight. As we sat waiting for the sermon to start, Jamie held my hand while he chatted quietly with Shelby's husband Bob, and I thought back to that fated night that Bill Compton had walked into Merlotte's over six years ago. My entire life had changed that one night, even though I didn't know it at the time. I thought of the night that Bill took me to Shreveport, to Fangtasia, and the first time I laid eyes on Eric. Really it was like this whole inexorable path to my present life. No children, no daytime family life, no freedom to come and go as I pleased, no warm body to snuggle against at night, no, no, no.

And then the sermon started and I remembered why I was here.

The hatred and venom brought forth by Reverend Mark Reynolds was really something. It was like a strange brand of neo-Nazism, stewed in some awful Southern Ku Klux Klan mentality and then painted with the thinnest varnish of religion. Their disguise was that they were the faithful and the righteous, that they embodied what was right and good. They truly frightened me, especially the Reverend. I found myself gripping Jamie's hand hard every sermon. All the world's ills were attributable to supernatural evil which much be cast out in the harshest manner. They were the means for God to strike down this evil.

How Jamie had the courage to be doing this job, I had no clue, because frankly, even just as a telepath with no outwardly provable supernatural powers, I was scared witless sitting here and listening to the hate brought forth in this Church every Sunday, listening to the hatred in all the minds around me. These people, even Shelby and Bob, would take me and mine, my husband and all my friends, even Amelia and her baby and would wall them up in a building and set us all on fire, the fire of Hell that we deserved, if Reverend Reynolds' preaching was to be believed. It was so far from the kindhearted church I knew in Bon Temps that I didn't even know how to cope in some respects. I really thought that they must have been reading a different Bible than the one I had. Wasn't God, really _anyone's _God, supposed to have high standards but be _kind_? That first Sunday, within less than five minutes, I had determined that his God was a very different one from mine and from that of the majority of people of any faith that I had ever known or called friend.

It was hard to have Sunday lunch with people who would happily destroy everyone I loved.

But I did it.

**

* * *

**

**Early September 2011**

The weeks rolled by. I was now supposed to be five months pregnant and really starting to show. I'd go to the OB/GYN office for bloodwork for some supposed health condition and an agent would set me up with another gel pad for another week along in my 'pregnancy'. I shopped, cooked, worked in the bookstore, and just lived an ordinary life until Thursday night Bible Study or Sunday morning church and afternoon lunch. And then I'd hardly be able to sit still as I had to listen to all the thoughts around me, around us. Soon after they found out that 'Jack' had been in the ROTC we were asked to be part of a sort of militia group. I attended the Monday and Wednesday meetings but got sort of a pass because of my 'delicate' condition.

In the meantime, Jamie and I would eat and watch TV, go to church, and shop for groceries together. We'd go bowling with Shelby and Bob on Tuesdays. We went out to dinner on Fridays at a nearby diner either alone or with Shelby and Bob. We had a simple routine. It was outwardly a normal life. But it felt odd and lonely, since, though we were friends and used to being together a lot, Jamie and I missed our partners. Jamie had been dating his girlfriend Peggy for quite some time. Shelby had picked up on the fact that we seemed kind of distant from one another and made much of it, even suggesting that perhaps Mrs. Reynolds, who counseled couples, could work with us. I told her that Jamie was just having trouble adjusting to the idea he was going to be a father. Even after I actually talked briefly to Mrs. Reynolds, the Reverend's wife, for advice on getting my husband to be enthused about impending fatherhood, Shelby still thought that we were an odd-acting couple. Because of her suspicions I told Jamie that he had to be more affectionate in public. He was very apprehensive about it, although I pointed out that really, if we got killed because we were discovered to be frauds and operatives for the DHS, Eric was going to be much unhappier than he would be if Jamie had kissed me or put his arms around me in public. It was a tough sell, but given our attachment to the idea of staying alive and well out of the Assembly's crosshairs, Jamie managed. I actually thought that kissing me appeared, in terms of his thoughts, to engender feelings of revulsion. Score one for Viking vampire glamouring skills, I thought. But staying alive had this ability to trump whatever Eric had embedded deep in Jamie's brain. Staying alive was good no matter how scared you were of 6' 4" tall blonde vampires to whom your pretend-partner belonged.

Living with, and sleeping in a bed with, someone warm, seemed so strange to me now. So did eating real meals with someone, and living a regular schedule. Now I went to bed at 11:00 pm. In the dark, in whispers, Jamie and I talked about how much I missed Eric and what I loved about him, and how much he missed Peg and what he loved about her. We tried, late at night, not to think too much about what all these people we were involved with would really do with us if only they knew who we really were. We were pretty much terrified about what they'd do to us if they discovered us. A few sermons and bible classes or discussions in those militia meetings were enough to put fear into the calmest soul.

As Jamie and I got drawn farther and farther into the dark world of the Army of God's Light, all I could think of was how very alone and lonely I felt among my own kind.

Maybe the vampires and Weres weren't really the only ones with supremely violent tendencies. Maybe they were just more open about it.

It was ironic to me that after years of thinking that it was issues of economics and education that led to terrorism in the Middle and Central East, I stood here in a church in Lafayette, Louisiana, in the midst of a terror cell. While surely money and learning were a component of terrorism in the Third World, part of my mind was absorbed with the realization that there was some atavistic hatred of anything different or foreign in human nature that made location and nation irrelevant. Thinking about it in that way actually made me feel less human than ever. I had been curious about vampires, intrigued and not repelled. And the same with shifters of any sort. I had gravitated toward the different, as so many other people did. But here, in this church in Lafayette, all I could see and hear was that being different or drawn to that difference, was merely an invitation to damnation. It meant that you had failed God's test and that redemption would be hard won, if achieved at all. Proving yourself worthy of God's trust once again might involve all manner of what I would consider hate crimes.

It had been so different when I worked for the FBI. Yes, this was so much harder than I thought.

These were _my_ people. It was hard to comprehend.

**

* * *

**

**Mid-September 2011**

I turned around as I closed the closet door and jumped with a gasp. Cadel had appeared out of nowhere.

"Omigod, Cadel! Geez, you scared me…" I said, my hand over my pounding heart.

He looked at me without even a trace of a smile and then glanced around the bedroom.

"How are you and James getting along?" he asked quietly.

"Fine." I paused as I watched him take in the room. "You're acting awfully odd. What are you looking for? There are no bugs or anything. We sweep for them daily. Hey, how did you get in? Is Jamie back?" I asked, craning my head around him.

"Where's he sleeping? It's a one bedroom apartment."

"In the _bed_. It's a king size bed, Cadel. We're undercover, we have to look convincing in case we have company or someone spies on us. See, my stuff is on the left. His is on the right? Huge gulf in the middle… Listen, can I use your phone to call Eric?" I asked eagerly. At long last, a chance to call Eric in an untraceable fashion! I hadn't heard his voice in almost six weeks.

Cadel looked me over.

"You look really awful dressed like that. What the hell did they do to your hair?" he said in a dour tone.

"Thanks! It was a lot of work to look like this, I'll have you know," I said, pulling on the oversize t-shirt. "And I hate the hair. I just about cried."

"You look pregnant."

"Why thank you for the congratulations. I'm five months and just found out that I'm expecting a baby boy. We're gonna name him Billy Ray Carter," I said with a smile and a twang. "It's this yucky prosthetic thing. I have to wear it all the time. Just in case, you know. It's horrible, especially considering how hot it still is this time of year. I'd be in trouble if someone checked on us though, because I'm supposed to be wearing brown contact lenses. I just hate having them in all the time. I take them out as soon as I'm home for the rest of the night." I gestured that I wanted the phone.

He handed me his phone without comment and walked around the room looking at various items. Then he went out into the living room.

I took a picture of myself with the phone and sent it in a message to Eric and Pam. Then, I called Eric.

"Bist Du mit Ihr?" he answered the call, quietly.

I smiled broadly just hearing his voice.

"No silly, es ist Mich. I borrowed his phone. And I just sent you a picture message so you can see lil' ole Jenny Carter in all her southern splendor. You haven't really missed me until you've missed my hair." I paused, closed my eyes and just envisioned him. "Gosh, it's good to hear your voice, min älskade."

"How have you been?" he asked coolly.

"Lonely for you. Sometimes very… sad. It's hard. It's a lot harder than I thought it would be."

"Really," he said, continuing to sound cool.

"Really. Like the longest month of my life so far. It's made me remember all kinds of bad stuff from when I left Bon Temps, for instance. Like Arlene and her friends. How alone I was…" I paused again. "You know, you sound really odd. Is everything okay there? With you?"

"I'm fine," he said quietly.

I sat down on the bed and closed my eyes again and rested my forehead on the heel of my palm.

"I really miss you horribly."

For the first time in more than five weeks, I let myself feel him. I was sure I'd feel miserable later, but I just let it all go. I wanted to just feel his warmth. But instead I felt… anger.

"Eric?"

"Yes."

"What's wrong? Something's… wrong."

"Exactly what does this assignment involve?"

"_What?_ What do you mean? You know what it involves. We're undercover, gathering information on the Assembly of God's Light and their militia. Jamie's getting more involved in some circle of people close to Reynolds. They're treating him like a recruit and they all _love_ his ROTC background. Meanwhile, I try to skim all their thoughts about who they connect to in other places and where they have more information in their offices. They have weapons, explosives, various chemical agents, and it seems pretty clear that they're part or the one of the spearheads of a major plot. We're know for sure that they're making plans in synchrony with at least two other groups. Maybe as many as six. We take notes and send encrypted reports. Exactly what Garner described. So… what do you mean?" I felt this wave of confusion and a sudden sense of alarm. He was angry _at me_? Why?

"Nan Flanagan has provided me with a very nice photograph of you and Jamie kissing rather amorously in a diner. Actually several. You look so very cozy together."

I just about choked. I was silent for a moment and then said,

"Is there a blonde woman sitting across from us? With her kids?"

He paused as if taking time to look at something.

"Yes."

"That's Shelby Reynolds Thomas. The Reverend's sister? I work with and socialize with her. We have to look like we're married, Eric. Married enough for me to look five months pregnant. Consider it my Oscar-worthy performance. They weren't buying it that things were really okay with us until we started acting more affectionate. If they get suspicious and kill us, I think you'll be even less happy, right? At least that's what I've been telling Jamie, since he's pretty damn scared of you."

He was silent on the other end of the line.

"Eric, I mean _really_, do I sound like I'm running a line on you here? Seriously. Search your memory. Do I have some spectacular history of two-timing? Do I even have a history of much one-timing? Remember three and a half years in Virginia? Give me a fucking break."

I felt a slow release of some sort of tension, within me, or maybe really within him.

"Speaking of pregnancy, Amelia has had a miscarriage," he said matter-of-factly, still sounding less than pleased with me.

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

"_What?_ When? But she was around seven months! That's way beyond miscarriage. They couldn't save the baby?"

"Tuesday. From what I understand from Pam, the baby was already dead."

I gasped.

"Oh my God… oh how awful…" I whispered. And I felt awful that I wasn't there to try to help take care of her and be supportive. "I feel so bad that I wasn't there to comfort her. Can you or Pam tell her that I'm so very sorry. And for Bert, too of course. Oh, that's just horrible, Eric. Poor Amelia. I feel terrible for her." My eyes just stung with tears.

"Pam says she is not doing very well. I will tell her that you send your condolences."

His voice sounded so flat.

"Eric, are you okay?"

"I am as okay as I am going to be seeing my wife kissing another man, in public no less, and having photos of it in my inbox. As okay as I'm going to be with you going off to do something I was never happy about in the first place, for more than a month now, and now you're telling me that you need to act this way in order to maintain your cover. I don't even want to imagine what you would do if the situation was reversed," he said in a voice laced with bitterness.

I swear, in that moment I was just about thinking of a stake visiting Nan Flanagan. So this was her payback for my not being cooperative? Upsetting Eric, making him doubt me, in the midst of my doing something that was high risk, and geared toward safeguarding all of her kind?

"Eric, you know exactly where my heart lies and it is definitely not in a bed with Jamie Farren if that's what you're suggesting. What I'm doing here is trying to keep everyone of us safe. It's not fun, not romantic and I'm not _enjoying_ being here, okay?"

He was silent on the other end of the line. I felt all keyed up and tense. So I pressed on.

"Please tell me that you trust me? Please? Because I can hardly bear doing this at all but it's going to be utterly unbearable if on top of it I'm going to have to be worrying about you and me, okay?" I couldn't keep an edge out of my voice.

After a long pause, he finally said,

"I trust you." He paused a moment longer, then reiterated, "I trust you, Sookie. But I am not enjoying what I am seeing."

Oh, the irony…. I thought to myself. Yeah, I knew exactly what that felt like, though I had to say that my little flash into Leanna's mind had been rather more unpleasant, in my mind because it was real. But it was in the past and he was dealing with seeing stuff he didn't like, even if it wasn't for real, in the present when he couldn't even ask me straight out what was going on. I rubbed my palm on my forehead with my eyes closed.

"Eric, I'm really sorry if Nan Flanagan is using the situation to upset you because she's getting back at me. It's really shameful considering what we're doing, you know? You really can't imagine what it's like here. You can't imagine what these people are like. What they would do to you, me and everyone I love or care about. Nan ought to be grateful and not be trying to screw with you."

After another pause, he said in a low voice,

"Tell me you're mine."

I let out a huff and then chuckled.

"I am _totally_ yours and you can feel free to have Cadel ask Jamie about just how totally yours I am because, frankly, I think if Jamie hears one more thing about how much I love and miss you, he'll probably be physically ill. I could literally talk his ear off about you, Eric. And you can imagine how thrilled a Were, who can't even shift right now, is to be hearing all about how much I just love my vampire and can we please keep the A/C at 63 degrees because this bed and this entire apartment are just too damn hot for me. And by the way, Weres are very sweaty people because they always run hotter than humans and so I am very sick of doing sweaty laundry. Vampires not sweating is like manna to my selfish and spoiled little soul at this point. And don't even get me started on the volumes of food Weres eat, so that I have to cook and clean up just about continuously in my abundant free time. And all manner of other things I am totally unused to at this point. I'm so yours you couldn't scrape me off you if you tried, Eric."

I finally felt just a trickle of pleasure and warmth from him.

"I don't think I can recall a time when you seemed so eager to label yourself as mine."

"Listen, I can honestly say after living in this place for the past six weeks, among my own oh, so cheerful and racist kind, I am unequivocally _yours_. I mean, not a doubt. Forget the work end of this for a moment. It's given me a lot to think about. About my choices and what I'd thought my life would be before I met you, before I met Bill. I think I have finally let go of all my preconceived notions about what my life was supposed to be like. I'll take my life with you and Pam and the Brothers Lunatic _any day_ over this life I'm pretending to live here or anything even remotely similar to it. On this, I assure you, you can totally trust me. _Yours._"

The door to the apartment opened in the other room. Jamie walked in and slammed the door shut, trudged into the bedroom and kicked off his shoes, which hit the baseboard with a thump. He looked disgusted.

"I am _home_. I need a beer and I need a mental break from this bullshit which is, like as not, going to get me, and you, fucking killed."

"Hang on a minute," I said to Eric.

Jamie jumped.

"Who are you talking to?" he whispered, looking alarmed. "Shit! I didn't know you were on the phone. Is that Shelby?"

"I'm talking to Eric. Cadel's in the living room or kitchen or something, I don't know. He's lurking around. What happened? Why are you so upset?"

"Bunch of guys harassing a couple of weregirls. The girls started talking to me after I got rid of the guys and I don't know I guess they were foxes or… whatever. I swear I thought they were going to out me. I mean all afternoon, they were lingering around the mall, laughing at me, trying to talk to me about where I run and stuff. You know, sometimes I think we're so busy trying to be sure none of the humans catch onto us, that the biggest risk that we really have is that we'll be outed by some Were or shifter or something. Where is the Welshman? Cadel?" he walked out into the living room sounding a bit cheered up at the thought of Cadel being here.

Suddenly I heard a scuffle and Jamie sort of cried out. I glanced out of the doorway and saw him on the floor.

Cadel was stretching his fingers and then examined his knuckles with a grim smile. Jamie was rubbing his jaw painfully and bleeding from his lip. I put the phone back to my ear.

"Eric! Did you tell Cadel to beat up Jamie?" I said in a cross tone.

"Not exactly."

"Did he see the photo?"

"Oh, _everyone's_ seen the photos, Sookie. Nan emailed them to a bunch of us. You don't even want to hear Pam's thoughts on the matter."

She emailed it to _everyone_? Pam? Stefan? Cadel? Even Andor? They _all_ thought I was cheating on Eric? I felt as if I was surely crimson from head to toe.

"What the fuck, Cadel?" said Jamie, clearly wincing from the blow.

"If I find any evidence that you're screwing Eric's wife, you're going to get _plenty _worse, furball."

I moved closer to them as I quickly tried to gauge how angry Cadel was, because really, as I'd seen only months before, he could get _seriously_ angry. But he looked mostly disgusted, although his fangs were down.

"Cadel, listen to me- what you saw in that photograph? That was my idea, not Jamie's. Because I read the mind of the woman we were with. She thought we didn't act like a couple when she was around us. So leave Jamie alone. He didn't do anything. It's _me_ you're mad at, Cadel…" I moved closer to them. "It's just part of our cover. Cadel! Cadel, stop it!"

He'd pulled Jamie up off the floor by his shirt, ignoring me, and slammed him against the wall. I jumped back with a soft cry. I'd seen that before and had bad memories of it.

"Eric," I said nervously into the phone, almost with a sob, "you need to tell him to stop it. Right _now_."

Cadel turned to me with a sneer and said, "Don't worry. I'll leave him all in one piece. Not planning to rip any parts off him just yet. And no need for you to jump so high. I don't hit women. I do have standards, even for a monstrous vampire."

_Monstrous vampire?_

"Cadel, please… please, let go of him." I pulled tentatively on his arm, looking up at him. His eyes were starting to glow. He refused to meet my eyes.

Meanwhile, Jamie just looked at Cadel and shook his head.

"Have you fucking lost your mind, Cadel?" he snarled. His lip was bleeding badly. "Do you think I'm _stupid_? Do you actually think I haven't thought of Eric being pissed before now? Fucking asshole!" He pushed Cadel in the chest and the two of them started shoving each other.

"Cadel, cut it out! Stop it! Jamie, stop it! You can't go to work looking like you're beaten up, okay? You guys are going to seriously screw with our cover. Eric, you have to make Cadel stop. Cut it out you two!"

Eric literally shouted into the phone,

"Sookie, get away from them! Cadel! Cadel!"

But I'd already tried to push in between the two of them and I promptly got smacked hard by Cadel's elbow, right in my mouth, as he brought his arm back to punch at Jamie, who'd taken a swing at him. I gasped, cried out and tasted blood in my mouth.

"Shit! Just great! Great Cadel! Dammit!" shouted Jamie.

Cadel looked at me wide-eyed.

"Are you plumb _nuts_? What are you about, trying to get in between us? Bloody hell!" Cadel said to me putting out his arms as if to encircle me in a hug.

Eric was shouting and cursing into the phone in multiple languages. I was gushing too much blood and trying not to get it all over the place to catch any of it.

I handed Cadel his phone. He gaped down at me with fangs now only half down now, as blood dripped over my fingers and onto my t-shirt.

"Stupid, stupid men with their stupid attitudes and their stupid fights…" I mumbled with my hand over my mouth.

My eyes filled with tears from the sharp pain of my mouth and I stomped off to the kitchen, grabbed a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and rinsed my mouth in the sink. It was bleeding _a lot_. Pressing the cold bag to my mouth, I turned around to find the two of the hovering, looking concerned.

"Let me see it," said Cadel.

"No!" I pushed him out of my way and then Jamie tried to grab me, saying

"Sookie, we need to see it. I can't have you going to work in the morning like you've been battered or something. Seriously, Shelby's going to get all in our business over it and…"

I pushed him out of my way, too.

"The two of you can just keep the fuck away from me. You're all a bunch of assholes and the biggest asshole of all is Nan Flanagan." I started crying.

With the frozen peas still pressed to my mouth, I stamped into the bedroom, slammed and locked the door after me. I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.

"Shit!" I muttered to myself, tears streaming down my face. My teeth and mouth were totally red with blood and I felt queasy from swallowing it. I hissed as I pulled down my lower lip. It had been sliced open by my lower incisors and I was pretty sure I'd need sutures because the laceration was more than an inch long and fairly deep. I had blood all over my t-shirt, and was still bleeding heavily in my mouth. My teeth hurt, too. It was every bit as bad as the worst hit that Uri had ever gotten on me, about three years before. I _hated_ getting sutures in my mouth. They hurt like all get out even if they gave you a numbing injection.

Suddenly I saw Cadel and Jamie behind me in the reflection, Cadel clearly having picked the lock to get into the room.

"Get out. Get out of my way. You're all a bunch of fucking morons with nothing better to do than to start hitting each other…" Cadel pointed to the phone to indicate that I was also calling my husband that but I didn't care. He was the man who believed I was sleeping with my bodyguard and evidently sent his brother to beat him up. I whipped around and looked at Jamie, who was also still bleeding and had a dishtowel pressed to his lip. "Do _you_ need sutures? Because _I'm_ going to the emergency room."

"Cadel's going to give me a bit of blood to heal it and you too if…"

"Sookie, I'm really sorry. I didn't see you…" said Cadel, looking and acting more like himself with me. "Eric wants to talk to you."

"No, I'm going to the hospital and getting sutures. I'm not having _any_body's blood and not dealing with the two of you. And I'm not talking to Eric. You guys are so fucking insulting, Cadel. I can't believe I'm doing this for a such a pack of assholes."

I tried to push past them, out of the bathroom but Jamie grabbed me and held me in a hug-like hold.

"Sookie, you can't show up in an emergency room looking like that and not have them question it."

"Grow up, Jamie. Women get hit all the time by their stupid boyfriends or husbands or whatever. I'll make something up and they'll let it slide."

"Shelby's not going to let it slide, Sookie. You need it healed asap."

Cadel offered me the phone again. "Seriously, Eric wants to talk to you."

"I don't want to talk to him. I don't want to talk to any of you. What I want right now, I can't have. I want to go home and sit in my room and read with my cat in my lap and not have to deal anymore with all this bullshit! Get out of my way, Cadel and let _go _of me, Jamie," I growled, jabbing him with my elbow. He didn't let go.

"Look, would you just settle down?" said Cadel. "I'm really sorry but you got in the way."

"I got in the way in my own apartment? Really? Who got in _whose_ fucking way? How did you even get in here Cadel? How did you get in without an invitation into the apartment? What right did you even have to be here? How did you break in?"

"I picked the lock and glamoured your neighbor into believing she lived here and then got her to invite me in?" he said diffidently, looking a bit like he was expecting me to go off on him. "I just waited until I heard you were in the bedroom."

"_Fabulous!_ Just what I need. Vampires lurking around my apartment building and glamouring the neighbors when I'm undercover investigating a supernatural hate group. Whose brilliant plan was this? I'm _so _impressed. I'm telling you, I should have done this all on my _own._ You're all morons and you're gonna get me killed with your stupid shenanigans."

Jamie, with his arms still around me, growled. "I've done nothing but keep us safe. Everything was fine until Cadel showed up and started taking a swing at me, Sookie!"

"I was really careful not to be seen and the neighbor doesn't remember a thing. You know, really, I'm quite professional. I've had lots of practice. Centuries. There's a _reason_ why Eric sends me Sookie. I'm the stealthy one, remember? I actually know what I'm doing," Cadel said, looking at me as if now quite insulted.

"Well, I'm so unimpressed I can't tell you. There's no measure that goes that negative. You guys were taking chances with my life and our hard work without even letting me have a choice in it. It was the very opposite of keeping me safe. It was putting me, and Jamie, _at risk_." I hissed because my mouth started bleeding all over again from talking. "Shit!"

"You've got to let me fix that," said Cadel. "Sewing it up would be even more painful and it won't solve your problem of looking all banged up."

"Sookie?" I heard Eric's voice through the phone. "Sookie!"

I couldn't even grab it with the way Jamie was holding me. I elbowed him hard in the ribs.

"Would you just _back_ off, Jamie. Get your hands off me!" I snarled. I grabbed the phone away from Cadel. "What? What the fuck do you want? To tell me off because I was stupid? I'm already aware of the fact that I was stupid, thank you very much and I'm bleeding enough to prove it, too."

"Are you okay?"

"No! No, I'm _not _okay. I've got Welsh elbow in the mouth syndrome and I need sutures. And I've got the excess testosterone twins here, beating each other up because of Nan Flanagan's nasty little vendetta because I don't give a flying fuck about what she wants me to do when I'm not being everyone's little undercover pet. Plus, I've got _you_ evidently _believing_ her crap enough to send Cadel to start beating up Jamie! I'm totally _not_ okay!"

I watched as Cadel disappeared and then practically instantly reappeared with two glasses from the kitchen. He drew out his knife and cut open his wrist. He drained blood into the first glass, handed it to Jamie and then reopened the wound and drained more blood into the second glass. Jamie drank his down, after swishing it around for a second or two in his mouth, without question. His lip began healing right before our eyes.

Eric commented on the other line,

"Sookie, just take Cadel's blood, alright? Look, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you got hurt, that you're so angry. But really, what do you think any of us would think after not hearing a word from you for almost six weeks and then getting this image in our emails?" He lowered his voice to practically a whisper and said, "And what about the fact that you don't let me feel a damn thing about what's going on with you? I told you I hate it when you do that and you've been doing it for _weeks_. What about that? What am I supposed to think is going on?"

"I think you'd think I'm doing my fucking _JOB,_ Eric!" I hissed angrily. "The job I agreed to do to keep you and all the vampires I know, all my Were and witch friends safe from a bunch of violent bigots who want everyone and everything supernatural permanently _dead_. I think you'd all trust" and here I really glared at Cadel, "that I agreed to do this because I actually gave a damn about all of you, not because I was bored and wanted to have a fling with my fucking bodyguard. You're such a bunch of insulting _morons_. And you're the biggest moron of all because if anyone should know me better than that, it's _you_. And you ought think that if I don't let you know how I'm doing, that maybe it's because I don't want you worrying that I'm scared, depressed and totally freaked out half the time about what these people will do to Jamie and me if they find out what we're really up to. Ever think about that? Maybe you all _ought_ to think about that. Maybe I was stupid not wanting you all to worry that Jamie and I could end up totally and very horribly dead if these people catch us! You guys try spending day after day listening to people talking about killing ungodly creatures like you and me, and nailing us up on crosses and setting us on fire as a manifestation of God's will. Yeah, you see how you feel about it. You're a bunch of fucking _ingrates_!" I started crying again.

Cadel looked down at me as if perhaps just a bit chastened. He offered me the glass with his blood.

"I know you don't want it. But you should take it. I'm sorry I knocked into you. Even if it was an accident, it's upsetting. I'm very sorry."

"Sookie," said Eric loudly, through the phone, "just take his blood, okay? Seriously."

I threw the bloodied package of frozen peas in the bathroom sink and glared at Cadel as I took the blood and followed Jamie's lead, swishing it around in my mouth, then swallowing. His blood tasted weird. Really weird. I wrinkled my nose. I covered the phone with my palm and said to him in a whisper,

"You're blood is weird. It just doesn't taste like other blood. Why?"

Cadel looked at me with a bit of a frown. In a low tone of voice, he said,

"I had a bit of Fae blood in my family, just like you. Even if you're turned you still are what you are. Just the dead version of what you are."

I hissed as my lip burned as it healed, and felt the swelling rapidly recede in my mouth. I touched my lower teeth with my index finger, while holding the phone. They weren't as tender. Then I grabbed Jamie's glass along with mine in my other hand and walked back out to the kitchen to rinse out the glasses.

They followed me out to the kitchen. I put down Cadel's phone and rinsed out the glasses and put them in the dishwasher. I gingerly touched my now healed lip. Cadel and Jamie crowded the kitchen entryway, still hovering. Jamie tossed the bloodied package of peas in the trash. I pushed past them after picking up the phone again.

"Eric," I said into the phone in a still angry tone of voice.

"Min älskade?"

"Oh, _now_ you're all lovey-dovey. I was so happy to be getting a chance to talk to you earlier and I was _almost_," I turned and glared angrily at Cadel, "even glad to see my asshole brother-in-law who broke into my apartment. But now I'm just royally pissed off at all of you. I really hope you're happy with the fact that Nan Flanagan has now managed to jerk you, and the entire happy little family, around just as much as she's jerked me around for months. She finally won one over on you. I'm sure if her people are watching as usual, that she's laughing her head off right now that you were upset enough to send Cadel to check it all out."

I handed the phone to Cadel.

"So help me Cadel, if you ever open the door to any room of mine again when I have deliberately locked you out, I'm going to make you sorry you're in the room. And if you lay another hand on Jamie because of some supposed slight to Eric, I'll take a stake to you for messing up weeks and weeks of my hard work. Are we square?" Then I turned to Jamie. "And you. And for the record, you were just egging him on like a moron instead of trying to get him to calm down. What kind of guy picks a fight with a vampire, Jamie? Especially _this_ one. What brand of stupidity is that? You want me to tell you again what he did to the last few Weres he took issue with? You know, I don't even know what's wrong with the two of you, anyway. You were fucking _friends_ and you start fighting over something Nan Flanagan cooked up to piss off and embarrass Eric? Why can't you just _ask_ what's going on. Ever heard of simply _asking_? Why start with hitting him, Cadel? Jesus Christ, Shepherd of Judea, why did I have to end up surrounded by men, and _idiot_ men on top of it. Like I have a history of cheating on anyone? Half the time you all are always pissed off that I'm such a goody-two shoes about everything and now _this_? Pam is absolutely right. The more men in a family, the worse things are. I seriously hope for her sake that I don't get killed and leave her dealing with all of you, Cadel. I hope you all enjoy thinking about how I'll look after being nailed to a cross, doused in gasoline and set on fire. _Seriously._"

With that, I stamped off to the bedroom, slammed and re-locked the door. I rubbed my forehead and looked around the room. I decided to take a shower to see if I could just calm down and feel better.

As I got undressed, I reflected on the fact that Nan Flanagan was, other than Salome, now officially my least favorite vampire in the _entire_ world.

I cried for the first five minutes in the shower. After the shower, I got into my pjs, climbed into bed and went to sleep, at the late hour of 9:30 pm. I was utterly exhausted.

I didn't come out until the following morning at 6 am, after which time Cadel was long gone. Jamie was asleep, snoring loudly on the couch. (Snoring was yet another thing I wasn't used to.) It looked like they had played cards for a while so I guessed they had made up. I made coffee and finally ate, since I was totally starved after not having had dinner the night before. Cadel had left a note for me on the dining room table.

_I apologize._

_Cadge_

Damn straight, I thought to myself. They had _all_ better think about apologizing if they were thinking I was here having some little romantic fling in the midst of all this bullshit. I reflected on Cadel's statement to me when he'd been fighting with Jamie. Did he _really_ think that I thought he was a monster? In spite of the fact that I was still angry, and very embarrassed wondering just how many people including for a time, even Cadel, thought that I was busy being flagrantly unfaithful to my husband, I felt bad that Cadel thought that I thought so badly of him.

Really, were the humans I was dealing with day to day any better than Cadel at his very worst?


	5. Chapter 5

**V.**

**End of September 2011**

I tried to breathe without obvious shuddering as I watched him start to change and watched Norm Staunton's triumphant moment. We had worked our way to the inner sanctum, delivered all this information, and now? We were very likely, in spite of Hunter's appraisal, to end up very, and painfully in the process, dead.

Nope, Jamie couldn't hold it. In spite of the fact that really, I'd been amazed than through two full moons, though irritable to an extreme, he'd _never_ even gotten a fur o'clock shadow, he couldn't hold it. The chemicals in the air were just too much for him. When Norm released the gas, Jamie had started to shift, and finally lost all control over his form. They stared at me and laughed as I tried not to freak out. But then they began to wonder about me. Clearly whatever I was, I wasn't shifter and wasn't vampire. They looked at me with suspicion.

"And what the fuck are you?" asked Bob.

I swallowed hard.

"Just a woman," I whispered.

Norm stood close to me and looked me over.

"You're not just a woman. You're something other. And whatever you are, you're going to be something _dead_."

Norm still didn't know who I really was, but did know he hated me. I was the one who had just given out all the details of their entire plan, including date, by cellphone messaging, to the Department of Homeland Security. He didn't know all of what I'd done, but scrolling through my confiscated cell phone, he clearly knew enough. I had the sore cheekbone and jaw to prove it. Wait until he found out what we'd photographed in Reynolds office and sent by email through Jamie's phone to Garner's crew. That might make him insist on killing us then and there instead of waiting to finally indulge Reynolds' enjoyment of grand displays. Maybe that was a good thing?

My heart was pounding and I was in a quandary.

Do I let Eric feel I'm in trouble or don't I? What if they do what Reynolds was talking about? I don't want Eric to feel me burning to death. What if they leave us in here for a while? It's almost sunset. But what if it's a trap? There was so much silver around here.

What a dilemma…

And Jamie was now a full-fledged, snarling wolf. He bared his teeth at Norm and Bob and the others.

"Will he kill you? You should hope so. You might like that better than what we're going to do to you," said Norm.

I felt a flicker of pure terror looking into his hostile eyes. So much for being pregnant keeping you safer… I guess that any supposed baby was now some ungodly creature to be destroyed in their eyes, just like the two of us.

They slammed the door shut and with a whimpering sound, Jamie nuzzled against me. I'd never seen his wolf. He was solid charcoal grey with soft dark eyes, but almost four feet high at his shoulder. Huge and elegant looking. Nuzzling against me as if to comfort me, I whispered to him,

"I don't know what to do. I don't know if it's a trap. I don't even know if they have a plan. I think they're just going to kill us, Jamie."

I let out a sound halfway between gasp and sob.

"And I don't know what to do!"

Jamie sniffed around the door and the edges of the storage space. He shook with tremors, I guess as he tried unsuccessfully to shift back. They'd loaded the room with that shifter gas. I was sure there was no way that Jamie could shift back as long as we were in this confined space. I remembered reading about that gas and it could take hours to dissipate in a tight space.

I struggled internally. I was absolutely certain that there was no way that Andor and Cadel would let Eric do anything unsafe for himself. They loved him too much, whether they called it that or not, to let anything happen to him because of me. But what could happen to _them_ if Eric sent them in his stead? I didn't want them here in this place, with these people. I really had no confidence that Andor, or even Cadel, really grasped how much harm these people could do them. So would it be better for Eric to know, or not to know that I was in deep trouble? I could only go on what Eric had always said. He _wanted_ the bond. He _wanted_ to know where and how I was. He _wanted_ the truth. But what would the truth cost all of us?

And even if I didn't let Eric feel that I was in trouble until it was close to the end, to _my _end, if I died, was it better that Eric knew, I asked myself? But what about feeling pain, on top of the loss? The thought of it just made me sick. Maybe it was better for him to know the truth versus the uncertainty. At least he'd know I was really gone. If he knew I was dying maybe he could just shut it out finally. He'd said they could do that and I knew _I_ could shut down the bond with my mind. He'd always said he wanted to know the truth. I shuddered to think of what my final truth might do to him.

Omigod what had I done in insisting on doing this? He had _loved_ me, for God's sake. Really _loved _me. He had let me into his heart. And I'd let him not just into my heart, but even into my mind. And I had completely thrown that life away, or so at seemed at the moment, now that I was thinking about whether or not I'd be letting him feel me _die_. Could I really let him feel my end? I'd said I'd never put him through what he'd been through when I was with Neave and Lochlan, but he'd insisted in the months since I'd made that statement after St. Louis that it was wholly unacceptable to him. Still, the idea of having him feel me suffer was horrifying.

I gasped and started crying. I really didn't know what to do. I sank to the floor, sliding down the wall. Jamie came and rested his head in my lap, breathing hard, stressed. His nose was cold and his 'eyebrows' shifted as he looked concerned about me. I rubbed his cheeks and whiskers as his head rested on my thigh. He licked my hand to comfort me, rose briefly to nuzzle my face in comfort but then sank back down and put his head back in my lap. There was nothing he could do. We could only comfort each other and share our misery, basically.

My mind went back to Eric. If I was going to honor Eric's wishes there was only _one_ choice. No more times like in St. Louis. I wondered if, since I'd recently had Cadel's blood, if Cadel would also get stuck feeling it if I died. I really hoped not. In a weird way, in the past couple of weeks, I'd started to realize that Cadel seemed wracked with guilt, just like I was, for a number of things. Now I was sure he'd feel terrible if something happened to me and we'd still been not on good terms with one another. If my having had his blood meant he'd know when I died, I felt bad for him. But Eric's connection to me, so much stronger, meant he'd actually _feel_ anything that happened to me. Considering what they talked about doing with all of us, I just couldn't imagine it. I was back to feeling like I was really the worst thing that ever could have happened to him. And he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. No, I'd have to trust that Andor, especially, would just keep Eric safe, no matter what happened to his stupid, fragile little human.

"Okay then," I said stroking Jamie's whiskers. "Eric's way. I should do it Eric's way, right?"

I focused mentally on an image of Eric in my mind. His eyes, his lips, his nose, the whole of his face. I tried to remember his laugh, which was deeper than his voice, which always struck me as light and not so deep for a man as tall as he was. I visualized his hands, his beautiful long fingers. His hands on me, hands tangled in my hair, hands inside me. Lips on me, the feel of his cool flesh against me in bed, wrapped around me. His voice as he whispered things in my ears, his eyes locked on mine, as they did when we made love. My being draped over him as we fell asleep at dawn, enjoying our long conversations, his silent chest or shoulder under my cheek.

Even though he was off in New Orleans, getting ready for the evening's meetings with his Sheriffs or their people, I felt him. He was probably just busy with business people or Weres or witches or the odd supe who belonged to some other background and wanted to consult with Louisiana's head vampire. But I felt like he was here with me, inside my mind, my heart. I felt… comforted, even though I was so very afraid.

Slowly though, in the hours that followed, I just gave into to my fear. I cried, thinking horrible thoughts about being crucified and burned alive. I so very much didn't want to die, especially not so horribly. I wanted to live. I wanted to go home and be with Eric and Pam and everyone I loved. I thought of Pam, Jason, Amelia, Bert, Ahmed and Alla, of Rosie in my lap. Of Eric whispering to me in the dark before the dawn. Of Hunter. Poor Hunter. Would he see what happened to me? Would he hear my screams? I shuddered. It was just too horrifying to imagine… I just hated myself for thinking I could do this and ignoring Hunter's fears. I hadn't learned my lesson in so many tries. And now? I was finally, at long last, out of luck.

I stroked Jamie's head in my lap, and rubbed his ears. I stroked his whiskers. He was as morose as I was.

I cried for us.

For all of us living in a world where hatred could thrive and so easily find ways to justify itself.


	6. Chapter 6

**VI.**

_We're here. Just sit tight. They're trying to get to you. This one vampire says he knows where you are. I've heard Eric is here, too. They're on their way to you. Just sit tight, Sookie._

Barry Horowitz's voice rang out clearly in my head like it was being broadcast over the PA system. What? Why was _Barry_ here, I wondered? Was I hallucinating? I felt a jolt of alertness and looked at my watch. It was almost 11 pm. My movement woke Jamie, who had been sleeping with his head in my lap. His ears pricked up and he was suddenly on his feet, sniffing at the crack under the door, tail low and swishing. He started to growl. Suddenly I heard shouting and a scuffle on the other side of the door. Jamie came back and stood in front of me, facing the door and growling,

There was pounding on the door and gradually it began, after the third impact, to deform. It caved inward, and Jamie and I dodged to one side. In the doorway was Cadel, with Maxwell and Felicia. He glanced at Jamie as if surprised to see him as a wolf but lunged forward and silently grabbed me by the waist and swung me over the door and debris and several bodies. He pulled me along with him while Jamie bounded out after us and everything seemed to just move like fast-forwarding a movie.

We moved quickly to advance back up the stairs. As we started out the back exit of the Church compound though, Norm, along with several others, appeared chasing after us. Norm pointed a semi-automatic weapon at us and I heard him chamber the bullet.

"No!" I cried out turning back to face him. His gun had dispersible silver bullets and he was really looking forward to seeing them in action. Norm opened fire but I'd already shifted, blocking Cadel and even Felicia from being hit. I suddenly felt like all the air was sucked out of my lungs, as if they'd been connected to a vacuum, sucking it all away. Searing pain filled my chest and shoulder as I slumped against Cadel, reeling from the impact. With a roar, Maxwell and Felicia tackled Norm and the others and as I felt blood running down my chest and arm, I looked up into Cadel's utterly stunned face and blacked out.

For some time, I knew no more. It was disorienting when I finally regained consciousness. All I felt at first was pain.

"Sookie? Sookie look at me? We're getting the bullets out and I'll give you blood. We need to find Jamie. He was separated from all of you. Do you understand me?"

Understand? It was a man's voice. I could barely even track what he was saying. Who was speaking? I was dizzy from lack of oxygen and in so much pain. I felt like my chest was being crushed. I heard a cry at a distance as something sharp dug around inside me several places and had a vague realization that it was my own voice. I felt tears streaming down my face as I looked up into a face.

Eric looked at me, almost dispassionately it seemed. Clinically, as if assessing things. He was holding me down. Someone dug into my chest wall again and I screamed. It was me, I realized, that cry… it was _me_.

I felt like I wanted to just leave my body. Leave it behind, discard it, walk away.

"Sookie, look at me."

I saw Eric's face above mine, his eyes, such a dark blue, looked almost black in the moonlight. They were the eyes I loved.

"I didn't want to die, Eric" I said hoarsely. "I really loved you so. It was worth it to die to make you safe. To make you all safe. But I didn't want to die. I'm so sorry."

"Sookie, stop the gibberish. _Look_ at me. Look me in the eyes. You will not die. You're going to be fine." His hand held my face immobile, my chin held in the curve between his thumb and index finger. "_Look at me_. Trust me, Sookie."

I met his eyes again, and my lips parted as I tried to breathe and suddenly I felt almost as if I was in suspended animation. I gasped softly, still unable to breathe much. His voice said to me, as if played at a much slower speed,

"Looook… aaaat…. Meeee."

I let his eyes and voice lead me somewhere else. I felt like Alice, sucked down into a rabbit hole connected to a vacuum, compressed, tightened, held strongly but somehow safe and secure.

When I came out on the other side, my chest was covered with bandages, and I was held in Eric's iron grip. He was tersely giving orders to people. I shifted against him with moan, yet aware of feeling safe in his arms. But almost immediately, I began to realize that it felt like there was something going very wrong inside me. Very, _very _wrong.

Cadel and Eric were arguing and Andor was insisting to someone that I'd been poisoned. I was barely able to take in my surroundings. I was on the roof of a building I didn't recognize, with the taste of Eric's blood in my mouth and the horrible cries of a wolf, an injured, wailing wolf, in the background. I was sitting in Eric's lap but still couldn't breathe normally and it seemed to slow down my ability to process things. Every breath I drew was terribly painful. But as much as the wounds themselves hurt and weren't really healing, there was a cold searing pain that seemed to flow through every blood vessel in my body. I shivered, my teeth began chattering. I still felt like I was dying. Only now… faster.

"Sookie, can you hear Jamie?" Eric grabbed my face again and focused me on his face. "You need to tell us about where Jamie is. They cannot go down to get him unless we know what they are going into. _Now_. You have to tell me _now_. Or we'll have to leave him. We cannot linger here, we need to get you to Ludwig because something is very wrong with you. You are not healing. Sookie?" he shook my face a bit in his strong grip on my jaw, "Sookie, listen to me. I want to do what you and Cadel would want but not unless we know what is involved. What is happening to Jamie? Can you tell us, or not?"

His voice seemed to echo in my ears and I almost felt as if he'd smacked me mentally and then suddenly I was more alert. I locked onto a frequency that, even if it seemed not to think clear thoughts, _felt_ like Jamie Farren. He was a wolf, a wolf in torment. I seemed to almost billow in the wind in Eric's arms, swaying as I connected to the pain Jamie seemed to be in. Between my own pain and what I could sense of Jamie's… it was almost too much to bear. I literally started seizing in reaction to his pain and my own, Eric's arms tightened around me, as if he felt it, too, and then I rapidly felt like I was held in a secure net, wrapped around my mind. He forced me somehow to still myself again.

"Just focus on what you see, not what you feel. _Focus._ What's in there with him?" he seemed to roar in my ear. "Tell us what you see around him so that we can safely get him. I know you're in pain, but you must tell us now or we'll have to leave without him. I will not let them go unless we know what's down there."

I flashed chaotically around in the thoughts I felt and saw, taking in the visual imagery.

"Classroom. Silver gas canister. Must be careful," I gasped. "Toward the back of the room. The mist is silver. It's… _killing_ him. So painful… so much silver."

There was hissing around me and I saw Andor, Markus and Cadel were there with their eyes glowing wild, fangs down, looking fierce, and truly angry.

"I don't care. I'm doing it," snarled Cadel, "whether you give me leave to do it or not, Eric. I won't consign him to that at the hands of these creatures." And then he just vanished.

Andor and Markus seemed to disappear right after him and I picked up a rush of sound, of screaming, breaking glass, walls, smashing of wood, more screams. As we sat alone on the rooftop, Eric held me tight to his chest, and seemed vigilant even as he seemed to comfort me. His only words, whispered in my ear, were,

"I won't let you die. Don't even try to fight me. I _won't_ let you die."

I couldn't even speak to reply. There was too little breath in me. It burned everywhere, as if every atom of my being was on fire. It was too much. I turned and folded myself against him. I laced my fingers into his and he held my hand tightly. I lost track of time. I had a sense that Jamie was free, finally, and no longer screaming in pain. Had he died? I couldn't tell anymore. Maybe _I_ was dead? No, there was so much pain it was just hard to think straight. Finally, I gave myself over to it, collapsing against him.

And then I knew no more.


	7. Chapter 7

**VII.**

My next recollections were all just brief images, or sounds, and memories of feeling so much pain. It was worse than anything I'd ever felt. Worse even than the fairies.

My recollections of that night, the days and nights that followed, were all disjointed.

Being carried into a bright room. Eric cursing, shouting. The feeling of being on fire. Had they burned me after all? Was I just hallucinating that I was safe with Eric? Because assuredly, I was on fire, even if it was from the inside out. Silver, everyone kept on talking about silver. But what did that matter if all that I felt was the fire inside me?

The sound of crying. Pam. Felicia. Pam looking at me and bursting into tears. _Pam_ was crying? How could that be? Why? I didn't understand what they were saying. Oh… I was dying. Dying… Dying took so long and was so horribly painful. Why couldn't I be done dying?

Dr. Ludwig, standing over me. Lights shining so bright in my eyes. Needles stabbing me, draining me. My blood was spilling from my body through long tubes and into bags. Black. My blood was black. Why was my blood black? Silver, so much silver in those bullets. Dr. Ludwig shaking her head. Arguing with someone in German. The snarling responses that sounded like Eric but I couldn't even open my eyes anymore. _Three_, she said, in English? Three bullets and it was just too much because the bullets were those lethal ones from the government. They left their silver behind, all throughout your body. Three of those, with vampire blood all through me after all these years? No, I was definitely dying.

Fading to darkness and back into bright light. More sounds of Pam. Murmuring voices… Unable to talk, so weak, so much pain, feeling like I just wanted to give up and have it be over. Bright light shined in my eyes and I grunted. No more, no more, I tried to say. I wanted to be done. But there was tube in my throat and I couldn't say anything. Pam's voice seemed to drone on. _Fight _she said to me. _Don't you _dare_ give up. You have to fight._ I was too tired to fight. It was too easy to sink back into oblivion. And I did just that for a time.

I opened my eyes again to see Eric, his face so very sad. Looking so old and drawn. I reached out to touch it, but couldn't find it. My skin had gone so dark and mottled. I reached out but found nothing… nothing. I faded to black again.

The next was all a jumble. I saw Bert but it wasn't how he usually appeared. It was that other Bert, the one I had seen that one time in their house, after he and Amelia had married. Wild, beautiful. Like some wild, wide-eyed, sharp toothed but exquisitely beautiful creature from some other world. His blue hair shone like a long and lively halo, flowing and alive, around his head. His flesh was iridescent and shimmered like the star-filled sky itself in the early evening. I smiled at him. So beautiful… Just looking at him eased something of my terrible agony. Maybe Claudine had been right. Maybe there were angels after all? And there was someone else there, but I couldn't see who. I also felt the thoughts of something so strange, so _other_worldly, all around me. Unlike anything I'd ever seen or felt. Voices, so odd. I did not understand what they said to me. The sound and smell… it was all so odd. My mouth tasted of salt and I was immersed in something that looked like light, felt like water, and I… I felt as if I was drowning. _They were drowning me!_ I struggled but was too weak to fight much. Then I saw a beautiful and wild face, somehow familiar to me, the face of a woman. More beautiful than anything I'd ever seen. More beautiful than my beloved cousin Claudine or my great-grandfather unglamoured, more beautiful and bright than a thousand stars all packed into one point. Her eyes met mine, her lips moved but the sound that emanated from them was like sound through water and was in a language I did not understand. At her words I went limp in the hands that held me and… I gave up. I drowned. I was no more.

Gradually, I came awake again. I shivered, gasped softly. But the cold fire that had seized my veins was gone, washed away. I was in a dimly lit room, in a bed. There were odd sounds, beeping, a rhythmic clicking. Murmurings outside the room. My eyes, weak, heavy lidded, seemed to slide around the room and tried to adjust to the dimness in contrast to the vibrant light and color of my recent memory. A machine with some sort of heart rate monitor beeped softly as it scanned my ECG. I watched the rhythmic trace and tried to comprehend that the pattern meant that I was alive. How could that be? I had drowned… As my head slowly seemed to roll over to my right, I saw Eric reading, with his foot propped up on the edge of my bed, and Pam, knitting rapidly. She looked up and seemed to slowly take in the fact that I was awake.

"Eric," she said putting down her knitting and nudging him. "Eric! She's awake. It worked! She's awake! Sookie? Can you speak?" she asked me eagerly, her face filled with hope.

Eric's face looked at me, expectant, wide-eyed.

"Sookie…" the word fell from his lips, in a hushed whisper.

I flipped my hand, almost uncontrolled, out in space to them.

They both stood up, and she sat on the bed, taking my hand in hers. He bent over me, stroked my hair gently, kissed my forehead with ice cold lips.

I felt so lost, confused. How could I be alive if I had drowned? Was it all a dream? I felt as if I could still feel their hands on me, holding me under. I could still feel whatever it was that had filled my lungs. I coughed.

"Can you speak?" he asked.

I parted my lips but my throat hurt. I felt like I had swallowed saltwater and it had burned my throat. I struggled to form my words.

"Where am I?" I said in a raspy voice.

Their faces broke into smiles and they glanced briefly at one another then back at me.

"In Ludwig's hospital," said Eric, gently stroking my cheek as he spoke. "You're near New Orleans, in Ludwig's hospital." He put his hand to his face and his eyes looked so amazed, happy.

Pam smiled. She squeezed my hand.

"I dreamed I was drowned. That Bert and Branwen drowned me," I said in a hoarse voice, and then I coughed. It felt as if I had inhaled water.

"We'll talk about that later," he said softly. "How do you feel? You still have pain?" he said, as if trying to discern how much.

I tried to take in how I felt. I ached everywhere, felt weak, but I could not say I felt pain as I had before. Frankly, I wondered that anything would ever look like pain again after that.

"No. Not pain. Not like before," I said, continuing to cough a bit.

"Good," he said softly, taking my other hand in his and kissing it.

As the fog started to clear from my mind, I formed the dreaded question.

"Jamie?" I whispered in a rough voice. "Did you rescue Jamie?"

Eric's face clouded slightly.

"He is alive. But barely. Cadel pulled him from the room."

I tried to grasp that thought. The room, silver gas. Poison. Cadel had pulled Jamie from the gas filled room?

"But is Cadel alright?" I managed to whisper. "There was so much silver. Did Cadel get hurt?"

Pam looked down and squeezed my hand.

Eric stroked my hair gently.

"Cadel is very gravely ill. Even fast as he was getting him out, it got all over him and Ludwig does not know if he will survive. Bert and Branwen are trying to do what they did to you to help him. They do not know if it will work. It helped Jamie as it did you. But Cadel is not alive. It is not the same for him. They both were exposed to a great deal of silver. There were several canisters in the room. That stuff was every bit as bad as you had told us."

Pam looked over at me and stroked my arm gently.

"Maxwell told us that you blocked Cadel and Felicia from being shot. The silver bullets are why you have been so ill. When Eric gave you blood, the silver released by the bullets attacked his blood, attacked you. You almost died."

The silver and vampire blood. If that was how it felt in me, what was it like for Cadel? And he'd rescued Jamie? I had vague recollections of Jamie howling, screaming, really… I had an idea of what their pain felt like. And Cadel arguing with Eric about saving him. He _willingly_ entered the silver mist and rescued Jamie? I was sure he'd thought that he was fast enough to get Jamie out. Jamie was his friend, and he was suffering. But even Cadel was not fast enough…

"Poor Cadel," I managed to rasp out. "It is so very painful. He was so brave to try to save Jamie… He has to survive. They will _fix_ him." I paused for a moment and had some blinding flash of recollection, of some other place or realm. Fierce faces and strong hands holding me. Something like light that flowed like water into me, choking me, filling my every pore and every space in me as I gasped and… died in it? I had really been _drowned_. They had literally drowned me. But instead of dying, I had become more alive in it. How could something that worked on someone alive work on someone dead? I had this vague sense of something, someone there, but not seen, something so powerful and wise. There was something very ancient there. They would know. They knew all things. I said in my weak whisper, "They can fix anything there. They will fix him. Save him." I believed it but had no idea where there was or even who all of 'them' were or even _what_ they were.

I seemed to sink deeper into the bed and pillow. I felt exhausted from just having spoken only these few words. I coughed and felt a wave of further weakness and my eyelids were heavy.

"They have fixed you, min älskade. I thought I had finally lost you this time. Do you remember your promise to me, Sookie? Your promise before you left for that place?" he asked meeting me eyes..

I nodded. "Never again," I said in a raspy voice, and continued coughing. "I promise you…"

"Yes, _never again_. You need to rest, Lover." Eric's eyes, locked onto me. He touched my face, holding me in suspended animation once again. He bent lower and kissed my lips and said tenderly, "Rest, min älskade."

Without hesitation, I just let go. His words echoed in my mind and I followed them to some other, peaceful place deep in my memory. Light, safe, cool… I was in his arms, at home, something soft and warm purring at my side.

Rest. I would have to rest long, a voice said in that other place. And I would let him lead me there, holding me safely in his arms…


	8. Chapter 8

**VIII.**

**Early November 2011**

247 people in 15 states were arrested and charged, including 7 FBI Special Agents, who were additionally charged with stealing federal property because of the chemicals and weapons that they had stolen to use against supernaturals, along with a great many other federal violations related to their dereliction of duty. It was far and away the largest arrest in relation to domestic terrorism in US history. As I slowly recovered enough to focus clearly on reading the articles in the newspapers and news magazines, I began to take measure of just how extensive the plot had been. It was in the national news media for many days.

Our, Jamie's and my, discovery by Reynolds and Staunton had been due to my determination to get hold of a notebook in Reverend Reynolds office that detailed contacts in other cities and states. We got into the office, photographed the salient pages, and replaced the notebook. I was amazed because there were so many other states and people involved than I'd realized. But we were seen by someone, I never knew who, leaving the office. They'd grabbed us in the Sunday school class while we were talking to Shelby and Bob, exposed Jamie to shifter gas, put a gun to my head and basically outnumbered us to the extent that there was no safe way, at the time, that we could have escaped. And I certainly wouldn't have left Jamie. No, I knew it was going to go badly for us when they called Norm and he showed up with the shifter gas.

Norm was unfortunate in that Felicia and Maxwell had not killed him for shooting me. Federal Protective Service agents had swarmed the church compound and apprehended Norm, who had been injured by Felicia and Maxwell but left very much alive on Cadel's instructions. Reynolds and many others were captured but quite a few people at the Reynolds compound were killed in a firefight with FPS agents and the ATF. After surviving his injuries, Norm was facing a lifetime in prison for all his numerous federal crimes, plus attempted murder, since he shot me (Dr. Ludwig provided a report certifying I'd been shot three times) versus his intended already dead targets of Cadel, Felicia and Maxwell. I was sure it would be many months, if not years, before any of them stood trial, though. The case, and its incredible complexity, would likely keep the US Attorney's Office busy for quite some time.

I found out that Barry had been following the developments and had taken a leave of absence from the NSA in order to help DHS delve into the domestic terror ring. When Jamie and I went silent after being captured, Garner had used vampires, especially Eric and Cadel, to locate us and go in first, with Barry and two dozen FPS agents waiting on the sidelines. Eric could, of course, find me easily and Cadel had found us both, including Jamie twice, because we'd had his blood so recently. Barry came to visit me several times in the hospital, after finding out where it was from Eric and after practically being interrogated by Dr. Ludwig, who didn't take kindly to people wanting to visit her patients who were so ill. It seemed that Barry had finally had a 'there but for the grace of God go I' moment, in realizing that with the Reynolds' followers and the Army of God's Light, that he was every bit as much of a target as any vampire or Were. No matter what we wanted to think, we weren't regular humans. We were just more fragile than 'real' supernaturals. But every bit as despised for our difference when it came to some of these groups that hated supes. I had had my own brush with such hatred back in Bon Temps, years before, with Arlene and her cohorts. It was scary to be roped in with all the supes and have none of their skills or strengths to fall back on for self-protection, as Barry and I discussed one afternoon. He headed back to DC and back to his desk job at the NSA feeling lucky to be in a position that conferred him no small degree of official government protection.

The FBI had been deeply embarrassed to find that so many special agents had been involved in plotting acts of domestic terror, in violation, at least in some states, of supernatural citizens' civil rights. Even Chuck Powell had sent me a note, telling me that he was so sorry to hear of my injury and grave illness at the hands of one of their own. After I'd returned to Louisiana, Manny Diaz and Sara Weiss came to visit me. Sara was so deeply shocked and said that she felt in the end as if she had never even known the man that had worked with her for the better part of a decade. Manny just sat and held my hand. He felt badly that I had not even trusted to tell him of the plot and had completely circumvented everyone I had known at the FBI. But he understood why I had not told him and he was enough of a friend not to take it personally. Alla and Ahmed called and sent flowers. Ahmed had wondered what had been going on since I'd abruptly canceled plans to visit him in the early fall and had seemed to disappear. Only Alla knew something of what was going on because of my conversations with Mercan.

The upshot of our undercover investigation, beyond the obvious foiling of a massive plot to bring harm to vampires and Weres, was that supernatural civil rights were on the federal legislative radar at long last. Congressmen from a number of the more liberal states began to be vocal about the fact that supernatural citizens needed a guarantee of equal protection under the Constitution. The American Vampire League was thrilled. Nan Flanagan was terse in her "Get Well Soon" note to me, along with a veritable fortune in flowers but said that I might well be the most useful individual ever to advocate on behalf of the AVL's policy positions and that it was ironic that I was mostly _human_. Toby Darton, the AVL legislative specialist, was simply astounded at what a telepath and a Were had been able to accomplish for what he considered to be a largely vampire cause that they had been championing since the Revelation. We had done what all the hard work that mainstreaming vampires had not been able to do. We had finally brought the issue of vampire civil rights to the doorstep of Capitol Hill in Washington. He expressed his gratitude in person, almost effusively for a vampire.

But all of this was just the background noise to me. I was so very, very happy to be home. I lazed around and couldn't do much in the beginning. I read and rested and people visited me. Whatever Bert and Branwen had done with me had stopped me from dying, but I was still slow to recover and felt weak. On the positive side, after being shot three times and considering that I'd already had enough scars, at least the faint scars from being shot several years before in Pakistan and staked long ago in Jackson and carved up by fairies (though the latter scars were all pretty much gone according my vampire's microscopic examining eyes) whatever it was that Bert and Branwen had done to me had left me without a single scar anywhere on my body. Even the scar on my leg from a bicycle accident with Tara when I was ten was gone. Everything was gone, including the scar on my wrist from my marriage, the one scar I would have gladly kept. My hair had mysteriously gone back to blonde in the process, although it remained short and wavy. Heck, I was sure my pores were even smaller. And I glowed in the dark just as I did after having had a lot of Eric's blood, but now it was a different color. Slightly blue, actually. But in spite of everything that they had done to me, I still had silver in my system according to Dr. Ludwig. After several years of regularly having vampire blood, the silver was causing me problems, making my joints painful. My muscles also ached and I fatigued very easily.

When she came to check on me, I'd been home for about three weeks. I had been more than a month since I had been shot, I'd finally started asking questions about my blood, the silver, and Eric. Eric kept saying that I was recovering and was evasive when I asked him how long it would take for me to recover. He told me not to worry about it, which was not, at least to me, an answer. When I was finally well enough about three weeks after I'd been shot to insist that we make love, he pointedly avoided biting me. He mentioned something about residual silver, and acted like he felt slightly edgy. Eric acting edgy was not something I was used to at all. I was tempted to _really_ try to read his thoughts but worried about that I'd get it all wrong or something and get him, or myself, upset. For two weeks after that night, we'd occasionally make love, but only if I asked. He said he was worried about hurting me or tiring me.

So that Tuesday night in mid-November, when Dr. Ludwig came up to our room to check on me and draw some blood, I finally asked her what the deal was with the silver and how much longer we had to be cautious.

I sat in stunned silence looking at her after her reply. Finally, when I'd recovered a bit, I said,

"_Six months to a year_? You're serious?"

"Unless you want to chance poisoning him…"

"Oh _course_ I don't want to poison him! He's my _husband!_ But six months to a year? _A year! _What about dialysis or draining me and transfusing me some more? I mean surely, there's got to be something?"

She laughed at my response about the idea of deliberately poisoning him, clearly trying to make light of it all, but looked quite serious about her reply to the idea of my being drained again.

"Eric told me you've lost your spleen, correct?"

"Yes…"

"Well, losing a spleen makes you at greater risk of infection. So it would be a bad idea to do the whole draining and transfusing you bit again. Unless you were poisoned and we were saving you like we did when you were shot. Risky business, unwarranted transfusions. Not like being shot- you would have died if we hadn't drained and transfused you. His blood in you went black. Or there was that that other time, with the maenad. Again, poisoning. But this time is different because it's in your tissues not just your blood. We already took out the bad blood and replaced it. What's left is what you feel in your joints and muscles and it will take a while to come out of your system. But it will over time. A good six months to a year is what I recommend. We'll just continue to test you every few weeks. And for you and the Were, I don't recommend dialysis after the immersion treatment. That's part of what's keeping you going right now and I don't think it's a good idea to risk removing that from your system. No, you should just wait it out."

I'd intended to ask her about the immersion treatment but was now so upset and distracted that Eric might not be able to have my blood for a year that I couldn't even think of the questions I'd meant to ask. I fought starting to cry. She looked at me as if puzzled.

"I don't know why you are so upset. _He_ didn't seem upset by it. And he'd be the one not getting the blood. But he can get blood anywhere, right?"

I looked at her in astonishment. Hearing her say it so baldly just knocked the breath out of me.

"You told him? About the recommendation for length of time? And he said…?"

"Of course I did. He said nothing. We discussed it extensively… I hope… Oh, I do hope I haven't violated your privacy? I mean, you're married and I thought…"

I cut her off,

"It's fine. You can tell Eric anything about me. Like I say, he's my _husband_. He has a right to know."

"Well, there are all kinds of marriages. I do realize it's possible to misread a situation, especially since you seemed so upset. But I really thought…" her voice trailed off and she looked at me curiously.

"I'm just upset. Very upset." I clapped my hand over my mouth and tried harder not to start crying.

"I can see you are very upset. It's only a year. Maybe less. You know, I have to say that my impression of the two of you has always been that you seemed very attached to each other. Quite surprising. I mean, you know, considering he's a vampire. That's why I am surprised that you are so upset. He was far more concerned about your overall recovery and whether the immersion would cause any further harm. Very odd for a vampire not to even give the blood thing a second thought, when I think about it. Of course he's so old, I guess he doesn't need a lot and he can get blood just about anywhere, with the position he's in, right? So what does it matter? Yes, it will be fine no doubt."

I just stared at her. "Thank you for your time," I managed to say in a tight voice.

"How is Cadel? Your husband says he is your friend. He has seemed quite depressed to me but I have not seen him before. It is hard to be so very ill when you are used to so much strength. I'm still amazed he survived, Fae treatments or no. I've never seen a vampire so silvered in all my years."

"He is alright. Thank you."

Cadel was already having lots of blood, actually Were blood, donated by the entire NOLA pack, to try to flush his system. He was very, very weak at present. And he _was_ depressed. I'd only seen him a few times in the past few weeks and he'd barely spoken. Stefan especially, but even Eric and Andor, seemed very, very worried about him. Eric was still very upset that Cadel had taken the risks he had to save Jamie. In spite of all the complaining that Eric and Andor did about Cadel, in the weeks since that night, it had been driven home to me that that they loved Cadel and were greatly saddened to see him so weak and damaged. Even Pam was being nice to Cadel.

Dr. Ludwig rose to leave and then turned back to me.

"You shouldn't have his blood either by the way. He said you'd been doing that regularly. I saw that glow back when I saw you last year. None of his blood until it's safe for him to have yours. It would combine with the residual silver and make you sick. No blood for either of you until you're clear of the silver."

I looked at her and just nodded silently. After she'd left our rooms and I was fairly sure she must be on her way out of the building, I burst into tears.

Half an hour later, Eric came upstairs, clearly having interrupted whatever he was doing downstairs. It was only 11:30 pm. He knelt in front of me while I sat in my big armchair in the library with a box of tissues and a very red nose. He looked utterly astonished when I told him why I was crying.

"But Sookie, it doesn't matter!"

"It doesn't matter? Aren't you a vampire? The one I married? Blood doesn't matter? Really?"

"I guess it would matter if the reason I married you was for your blood, but since it's not, it doesn't matter. At least not to me."

"Really. How… interesting."

"What is it that is so upsetting you about this?"

"So you're going to spend a whole year getting blood elsewhere? Just you tell me how long that's going to work before everything falls apart. For vampires, blood and sex go together, right?"

"Often. Without question. But clearly _not always_. I very obviously haven't had sex with everyone I've had blood from and there's no reason to assume I would do otherwise now. What about when we were apart when you ran away? Or more importantly, what about when you were still going back to Virginia three weeks a month? You weren't worried then. And you were gone for almost eight weeks while you were in Lafayette, but you weren't worried about it then, either. So why are you worried now? What is it so different now?"

I just stared at him mutely and then looked down. Before, I didn't have as much to lose, I thought to myself. In the beginning I had been completely in the dark. What did I know back then, not just about living here in a compound with all those willing donors, but out at events with people hurling themselves at him? How long before even the best intended person got tempted, I wondered. I'd always thought it was just a matter of time anyway. And now? Now, more than ever, _I wanted what I had_. Just when I had started to believe it really could last, I had almost screwed it up and almost died, yet again. But this time I had screwed with Eric, not just myself. I had tried to do the brave and good thing and it was going to have ruined my life, my marriage and… my whole world, as far as I was concerned. He'd been angry that I'd agreed to do it, angry while I did it, and then I got myself poisoned, especially with regard to him, on top of it? Why would he _not_ get tired of me? Plain old sex? No blood? I mean, really, who was I kidding? And let's not forget that I was already 32.

"It's a whole year, Eric. And… I still think you'll get tired of me. Even faster, now." I couldn't even look him in the face. "I can give you even less. I just…" I couldn't even finish my thoughts.

"So this is just about sex? I will get bored because I cannot have sex and blood together? Seriously, _this_ is what has you so upset?"

He tried to catch my gaze but I didn't want to look at him.

"As I've told you before, I think _you're_ far more likely to get bored. You have hardly any experience with other men and none with women. You're more likely to get bored or at least curious. And you _liked_ being bitten, Lover. It gives you pleasure. According to your theory, maybe if I can't bite you, perhaps I should be concerned that you'd rather be with someone else, perhaps even someone warm?"

I let out a huff of disagreement at the absurdity of _that_ idea and shook my head. I didn't want anyone other than who I had and I didn't want to be anywhere other than where I was.

"Sookie, look at me," he said, meeting my eyes. "I'm almost 1100 years old. I have done literally everything there is to do sexually. Many times over. What I have not done, even once, is _thi_s. What I am doing with you, what I have with you. _This_ is new. _This_ I enjoy. You have absolutely nothing to worry about. I just want you to get well. If I could give you my blood and get you well, I would. You still have pain from the silver. I feel it that you do. But I can't heal you. Giving you my blood that night actually made your injuries much worse! So perhaps we are equally frustrated with being unable to give each other what we wish we could or having posed each other risk in some way." He brushed a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "It's a year, at most, so far as Ludwig estimates. In my life, this is nothing. I realize to you, it seems like a long time. But no matter whether it's long to you or short to me, we will be fine, Lover."

I looked down again and just nodded.

"Sookie… Do you believe me or not?"

I drew a sharp breath and said softly, "Yes." _No_, I thought internally.

He looked me very skeptically. Then he sighed and shook his head.

"I can tell when you lie. Remember?"

"It's not just the blood, Eric." I whispered. "You hardly even want to make love at all. Only when I ask. Not being able to give you blood is not the only thing. It's like everything is different. I went away and everything changed."

His expression changed to one that was incredulous.

"You almost died! I almost _lost_ you! You're still having pain and you fatigue very easily. Ruben told Pam you need help carrying your groceries upstairs! I don't want to hurt you or get you overtired or do anything at all to slow down your healing, Sookie. Do you honestly think I'm going to ask you for sex if you have trouble carrying a sack of groceries up two flights of stairs? You _need_ to rest. Ludwig told me that you need to be very careful and not get too tired. We must follow her advice because I cannot do anything at all to help you heal. She said for all intents and purposes that I had better treat you like spun glass."

I felt this wave of vulnerability from him as he said the last part, as if he felt somewhat helpless. His hands on either side of my hips pulled me closer to him.

"I thought we were finally at the point where you were not going to be so insecure about things." He sighed heavily shaking his head as he looked down. "You have been through so much and you are not fully recovered. I know you must hate feeling so weak and tired. You were so proud of how strong you were. And I know that I was angry with you that you wanted to do the undercover business in the first place. Perhaps that has affected your thinking. But I'm not angry anymore, min älskade. I am only sorry that doing it has caused you such pain." He was silent for a moment. "Though I didn't always when you were gone, I'll try to do only bottled blood if it will make you feel more secure. And as before, if I feed from a donor it is only from a male. We at least agree I don't like men much, right?" He chuckled. "At least that's _one_ thing you can't tell me you're not confident of. True Blood will be fine." He stroked my cheek gently. "I do not want you to worry, Sookie. You have no reason to worry about my affection for you."

"It's your food, Eric. I can't tell you to only have something you may not like just because I'm insecure. It would be selfish and unfair. I don't expect that and wouldn't ask that. I just… I just don't want to see it, okay? Whatever you do, I just don't want to see it… hear about it… " I trailed off in a whisper, wincing. I had bad memories of Bill and room service and that Leanna woman and... I didn't want to think about any of this.

He looked at me soberly and glanced at his watch.

"Lover, I really have to go back down. I interrupted a meeting because I knew you were very upset. Look at me," he said, lowering his face under mine and meeting my eyes. "_Bottled blood. No worries._ We will talk about it more later. I meant what I said. I have seen enough of others to know I have what I want. I will never be bored with what I have with you and I will never lose interest in you. I have long known what I want. I _have_ what I want."

He kissed my forehead and was gone.

Hunter had tried to warn me, I thought to myself. And I'd ignored the warning. I certainly wasn't sorry I'd saved Cadel from being shot. I wasn't sorry for any of what I done by going to Lafayette. Still, what if I had really wrecked my life doing it?

I shut myself down and just went back to crying.

**

* * *

**

I was already in bed in the dark when he came back upstairs. He quietly moved around the room and bathroom, then got into bed. He moved closer to the middle of the bed then pulled me to him, my back against his chest. He nuzzled against my ear.

"You're not fooling me at _all_. You breathe totally differently when you're asleep. Much more heavily. So how are you feeling now?" he said softly, kissing my shoulder.

"I'm okay," I said.

He sighed. "You're still upset."

"No, I'm okay, Eric.

He chuckled, shaking his head a bit.

"Really? Okay is the new 'fine' then? Well, before I say another word, I want _your_ word that you will quit messing with letting me feel you. It was lovely to get back down to the audience room, sit down after making apologies and feel you starting to cry again and you then turned everything off. It was just wonderful." He pulled me closer and pressed his lips to my ear. "Your _word_, Mrs. Northman."

"I didn't want to mess up your evening even more."

He tightened his hold on me ever so slightly and said in my ear,

"Sookie, cut the bullshit and give me your word you'll stop doing it. I'm not kidding."

I went all tight inside and said,

"It's embarrassing. I don't want you to feel me getting so… I just don't want you to feel me like that."

"The best solution might be not to feel like that then. If that's not possible right now, then I guess you'll just have to let me feel it. Because you're going to stop turning it off. Aren't you?"

"You don't let me feel you plenty of times. Look at last week. In the middle of the Tuesday evening you went completely blank to me for almost an hour."

"Would you like to know why? I'll tell you why. Andor killed someone right in the audience room because the person threatened me and brandished a weapon at me that got past your wondrous detectors. A nice ash stake. We already fired the security person who scanned him through but didn't want to tell you about it, by the way, since you are supposed to be resting and Andor thought it would upset you. Anyway, I was angry at his threats and even angrier at his flashing ash in my direction. It was rather stirring watching Andor spring into action and decapitate him when he took out the stake. There was quite a lot of blood. Andor is so efficient. And I enjoyed a high level of cooperativity after that for the rest of the evening. Stefan said everyone waiting was so much more polite. But I really didn't think you'd enjoy feeling all that. Since I believe you do not like such things, which are occasionally necessary to maintain order in my state, I kind of turned down the volume so to speak. Was I wrong to do so?" I'd cringed at the description. "Clearly not. There seems to be a difference between when you choose to do it and when I do, or is that just my take?"

"My insecurities bother you, Eric. I don't want to bother you."

"Your insecurities have been there since I first met you. I want to know if you're crying. You should be pleased about this point because it might indicate I care. Your _word_. No more tinkering with the bond. It offends me. So at the very least, can we please agree that when it comes to our mutual feelings that we will not play these games?"

He turned my face toward him and looked at me, waiting for my reply.

With a slight sniffle, I nodded.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Northman, was that an assent? It wasn't audible, even to a vampire."

Oh, he could be so annoying.

"Yes. I give you my word."

His entire face and even his entire body seemed to relax. He brushed my lips with his.

"Good. I still don't understand what brought all this on. I thought you were past being worried about us. I don't understand why would you think I would be so bothered just about not having your blood for a time. That you were so upset you were crying…"

"Do we really have to continue talking about this?"

"We should talk about it because you are so upset about it. I don't understand why you would be so upset about the fact that we have to wait for a while before sharing any blood."

"To quote you, Eric, _you're a vampire_. Last I knew, they were rather kind of fond of getting blood from their partners. It's kind of why they _have_ partners, isn't it?"

"No. No it is not. I have a partner because I _want_ a partner. I can get blood from anywhere, including from bottles or American Red Cross bags or nice, hairy donors. There are people who will stand in line to give me blood if I'll take it. Donors are everywhere. Wives, on the other hand are much harder to find. Not even a hint of one in over a thousand years. No interesting prospects until just the past half decade, really. And I was so delighted to have chosen one all by myself this time around," he said dryly. "I think your reaction is something more than that. You're clearly bothered by more than just not being able to give me blood, whether you see it or not. And as I said before, I am not with you to get blood from you, although quite delicious blood it is. I'm with you for reasons that have nothing to do with blood and not so very much to do just with sex, although I enjoy the sex with you immensely, too. But you know it's certainly for more than just the sex that we are together. And so I would like you to tell me why you think that not being able to feed from you would spell such disaster."

"I wish I could replay how you sounded that night Cadel was in our apartment in Lafayette. How cold you sounded. I agreed to go and do something you weren't thrilled about my doing, got you totally bent out of shape and embarrassed because of _how _we had to do it, and then got myself poisoned and frail, to top it all off. I don't understand what you don't understand."

He was quiet for a moment.

"I was mostly upset that you were shutting me out. I'd told you that I do not like it. Yet still you did it. For weeks. I don't like it under _any _circumstances, but for _weeks_? And I still can't fathom how you do it. I never even knew such a thing was even possible before St. Louis. You've given me your word, but I wish to be clear to you as to why I ask it. It _upsets_ me. It makes me feel the way I felt before, when you ran away."

I reflected on that for a minute. The way he felt when I ran away? Back to being alone, back to an absence of warmth and pleasure from my feelings for him…

"I never thought about it like that. It wasn't my intention to make you feel that way. I didn't want you to feel my being scared or sad. I thought the distance was better. Safer. That you would worry less about me if you didn't feel how worried and stressed I was."

"It had the opposite effect. I _like_ feeling you, even if you are upset. So I do not understand why you would do whatever it is that you are able to do. I do not like it. And let me tell you, it is only a sense of honor that kept me from trying to glamour you out of tinkering with the bond when you were so weak."

"I'm sorry…" I said in a whisper. "I didn't mean it like a rejection thing, Eric. I just needed space and to not have you get all involved in what was going on. It was so very stressful there. My own feelings were more than enough for me at the time, I didn't want yours getting mixed in there, too. I felt as if I'd let you feel how I felt, you would have come and called the whole thing off. Because we lived in constant fear of being discovered. I didn't want you to feel that. You know I understand that you like how I feel about you. But I can't turn off one thing and not the other. It's a moot point anyway, right? I'm not going to be in the position to have to do anything like that again. And when Jamie and I ended up in trouble, I _did_ let you feel what was going on, so that if something happened to me you wouldn't be left wondering what had happened. But I'll try not to do it again, okay?"

"So kind of you to give me back my bond, Lover," he said in a mordant tone.

I decided to take a leaf from Cadel's playbook and leaven the moment.

"But as we've already demonstrated amply, it is not just _your_ bond. I'm willing to admit I've hijacked it. I think you need to adjust your possessive adjective, don't you? You can call it _ours_."

"Stealing from vampires is a very bad plan, min älskade," he said close to my ear.

"As I recall, you _gave_ it to me a second time, already knowing it was all messed up and that I was reading your thoughts sometimes and stuff… It's not my fault if you had bad judgment."

"I did give it to you again. Speaking of which, do you remember our vows?"

"MmmHmmm."

"I seem to remember a reference to 'in good times or bad' in there somewhere. Along with something about forever. You do _remember_ that forever part, I hope?"

"Yes, Eric…" As if I would ever be allowed to forget it?

"Did you happen to notice that the forever part wasn't qualified by statements like 'until I get bored' or 'unless I get tired of your antics'?"

"Okay, I did _not_ hear those qualifiers, it's true."

"I'm hoping that you'll absorb the idea one of these decades. Frankly, I'm starting to think it's such a good thing you fell for a much, much older man. Because you really require a partner with a lot of patience. Patience acquired with age. So you were lucky given what you find attractive that you fell in love with a vampire. How many old men do you think there are that have a great ass and like to bite their lovers? I'm thinking you'd have been out of luck with almost anyone else." He rocked his hips against me.

I was silent for a moment, then said with amazement, "I do like being bitten. That's just so messed up. It's true but it's _messed up_," I said, almost whispering to myself.

"Messed up is a vampire who likes being bitten by his human, Lover," he said with a chuckle.

I lay there in his arms for a while longer before saying softly,

"Eric, will you finally tell me what you know about what Bert and Branwen did to me? I mean, did they explain it? Because I was talking to Bert the other day and he's evasive about it. He said that I will be better than before after the silver is out of my system and not to worry. I have this recollection of something that felt like I was being held under water and drowned, but the water was light or it was illuminated or something. I know I probably would have died if they hadn't, but I don't understand what they _did_. I mean, as you've seen, I don't have a mark left on me, okay? Even my freckles are gone. It took the hair dye out of my hair. What else would it have done to me, I wonder?"

"Eric?"

His lips pressed against my head and murmured.

"In theory, your body's internal clock has sort of been reset. In order to heal you, they have made you, and Jamie… younger."

"_Younger?_ What does that mean? How do you make someone younger than they are?"

He hesitated.

"They have added years to your life by taking you back in years. It is part of why you are so weak still. Maybe the silver is what hurts your joints and muscles but the weakness is a side effect of their treatment. You have to regain strength, just as would a child gain strength as they grow. But he said you will regain it fairly quickly. Their healing supposedly deals with some sort of rejuvenation. I do not know what they did with Cadel. Bert talked to him about that. But that is what they have done with you and with Jamie." He paused for a moment and said softly, "Bert said it would not just heal you but result in greater longevity. So, of course, I said yes."

I felt this quickly controlled burst of pleasure from him as he spoke the words. However they had done it, it was clearly just fine by Eric.

"So you're saying it's like they drowned me in the proverbial Fountain of Youth or something? Because really _they drowned me,_ okay? They held me under something that felt like water on my skin until it filled my lungs and everything. I struggled because I couldn't breathe. Branwen was under the water with me, with Bert, holding me down and saying something that took away every ounce of my resistance. _I drowned_."

He shuddered slightly.

"Focus on the outcome, not the process. What they did _healed_ you, Lover. Bert and Ludwig assured me that it was your best chance, possibly your only chance to survive. Your body was so damaged by the silver and my blood. Ludwig thought you were having total organ failure and was surprised that you didn't have brain damage from the effects of the blood and lack of oxygen from the collapsed lung. She was certain you would not survive without some sort of magical intervention."

"As Andor would say, what do we owe them for it?" I asked cautiously.

"I don't know and haven't yet asked. Ludwig was the one who talked to Bert. Clearly Bert would wish to help you for Amelia's sake. Branwen spoke only to Ludwig and I did not have the feeling that she much relished dealing with vampires, although I gathered she helped Cadel because Bert likes Cadel so much. I find Bert's attachment to Cadel somewhat surprising. He was very upset when he saw how ill Cadel was."

"They're very friendly. Actually, the three of them, Cadel, Jamie and Bert are very friendly. They chat and play cards and talk a great deal when I'm there with Amelia. Jamie would hang around even after it's dark and they all just chat. Cadel would still go over there even after he wasn't watching me anymore because of… the problem we had. I know that Bert would have felt bad that Cadel got so injured trying to save Jamie. Though maybe Branwen would help because Cadel was part Fae. He told me that he had some Fae blood. Maybe that's why Branwen helped him, even though she seems to be a little… hesitant about dealing with vampires. Maybe she knew or something. Or maybe just because he's Welsh. She's like that."

Eric was totally silent for a moment and then said,

"Cadel had part Fae heritage? I did not know this. I used to think his scent was different but I am so used to it now. I'm amazed that Cadel told you that. He's always told us very little about his human life. He's not very forthcoming about his past. I know Pam also told me he'd told you something about his sister. But I'm rather surprised he'd tell you that, about his heritage."

I turned around and said,

"Then you better not tell anyone I told you, Eric. Please. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything if he's so private. Although, he told me in front of Jamie, when I had his blood. Because his blood tastes totally different from yours or from Bill or Stefan's. Maybe he was just agitated and spoke out uncharacteristically. Or maybe it's because I'm part fairy. It was a weird night because of the circumstances and my getting hurt. And he was alone with Jamie for a while later, so maybe he got Jamie to even forget he'd heard it. So please, just don't say anything about it, okay? Not to Andor or Stefan, or anyone."

"Has he told you other personal information?"

"Please Eric... I don't want to upset him. Just don't say anything about it."

"I won't. It just puts a different spin on why he was so upset that you reacted so badly to what he did to that Were in St. Louis."

"You mean that he thought I'd go telling people things he told me?" I said, shocked.

"Maybe. Or maybe not. Clearly though, it's more than losing an easy rapport with my wife, which is kind of what I thought it was. He obviously could really talk to you, Sookie. I guess the way Pam can. Vampires don't usually go around wearing their hearts on their sleeves, as I'm sure you've noticed. It's hard to find anyone you'd _want_ to talk to about yourself. Think of how long you'd known me before I told you anything personal about me. Well, Cadel may kid around a lot and may talk a lot, but he doesn't just give a lot away. Even to us."

We were quiet for a few moments. I thought back to what Cadel had said that night when he argued with Jamie. About being a monstrous vampire.

"He was so angry at Jamie that night in Lafayette. But he said things about what he thought I thought of him that made me feel very bad…"

Eric didn't reply, but then I knew exactly what he thought about the way I'd reacted to Cadel's actions, since he'd given me an earful about it.

After a bit longer being silent, Eric said,

"It was very hard for you, wasn't it? What you said when I talked to you that night, that it gave you a lot to think about beyond just the job you were doing. It was very hard for you to be living that life."

"When I wasn't busy trying to skim every thought out of their heads, which was hard enough to endure, it was emotionally draining, yes." I paused. "The thing is, I was pretending to lead the life I thought I wanted before. Before I met you or Bill. Before my whole life changed. And it was hard, especially in the beginning. My life is so different from what I thought it would be."

"You were pretending you were expecting a child," he said quietly.

"Yeah, the DHS people thought I'd be much safer if I was supposed to be pregnant. So many of these groups are also pro-life," I said softly "But it was so much more than just that, Eric. It was… everything. It was a slice of the life I thought, when I was growing up, that I'd be living. And once I was living it, or pretending to live it, maybe just because of the awfulness of what I was involved with for the assignment, I realized it wasn't the life I wanted. Not at all. I want what I have. I only knew what I was used to living until I met Bill, and you and Pam and found out about Sam and… It's like my whole life jumped the tracks onto a different path. It was hard to confront what I'd thought, when I was growing up, my life would be like and see that not only was it not what I wanted but that it would never have worked for me at all anyway. Seeing what living it in that particular situation, even without all the bad part of it, was like just drove that point home. So maybe it was a good thing. It gave me real perspective in a way that few people ever get to have a view of some other life they thought they could have. I like my life now. I love it." I paused and said softly, "I love you."

"So maybe it made you afraid you could lose me, lose what you have?" he murmured softly, rubbing his chin on my forehead.

"I almost _have _lost it. I go and do things that almost cost me everything."

"Perhaps you could choose more carefully, from here on out, about involving yourself in such situations?" he said softly. "You know, just giving yourself, and us, slightly better odds. It's been an interesting few years."

"Honestly, Eric…" I whispered. "When I was in that basement storage room with Jamie I felt so horrible about myself and so worried about what it would do to you if I died some horrible death and you felt it. Even if Bert and Branwen pulled off some magical feat and fixed me… even if I live longer ultimately because of it… What's the point of gaining more time if it's just more trouble?"

"Cadel told you after the Salome business started… I like a bit of trouble. Life without some trouble is too quiet. You're quite an anodyne for boredom."

We were silent for a while. I rubbed my face against his chest and shoulder.

"So we're okay?" I asked softly.

"No," he said. I drew a sharp breath. Then, before I could even speak, he laughed softly and said, "We're better than just okay. And I'm proud of you. Quite proud. You should be proud of yourself and of what you and Jamie did. You can't even imagine how much attention this is all going to garner you once it becomes more widely known. Anyway, I'm very proud of you."

"But you and I are fine? Because that's what's important to me."

"Will you continue your career as a hijacker? That part is problematic. Vampires like to be in control. Especially of their own blood bonds. Just one of those things…"

"Wow, Eric _not_ in control? Really? Omigosh. I am so contrite. And confused, since you don't want to control me. What are we talking about again?" I said mischievously, kissing him, as I traced my hand down his sternum.

He snorted.

"I hope you realize that I totally _had_ you when you were injured. Pam was just flabbergasted. She looked at it as the great opportunity that I was wasting on things like getting you to sleep or not feel pain. She said it was possible to be _too_ honorable. She came up with a short list of things that could be glamoured into you. You would not have been very pleased."

I smirked. "She was kidding around. I bet you she wouldn't have done anything _at all_. She just loves it that I talk back to you."

"Oh, you mistake her intent. She wanted me to prevent you from talking back to _her_, Sookie. But I only made you feel less pain and sleep deeply."

"Can't even do _that_ now, though, can you? Uh uh. Nope," I said with a teasing smile, letting my hand stray even lower.

"No, but I can do _other_ things…"

And then, he showed me.


	9. Chapter 9

**IX.**

**Late November 2011**

I sat reading in a rocking chair next to an old fashioned lamp that looked like something out of _Gone with the Wind_ and which was totally out of place in comparison to the rest of the decor. The room, in contrast to my every expectation, was neat as a pin. The walls were painted a sort of steel color. There were touches of charcoal and burgundy as accents everywhere. The furniture was sleek and modern and looked like it was from some expensive European furniture store. There was a large amount of electronic equipment, including several desktop computers with their sleek monitors, and a few laptops, along with an expensive looking sound system. One of the walls was covered with swords and daggers, not too dissimilar from those in our library. The only art on the walls was a single small painting, which had the appended label, Castell Coch, Cardiff, Wales.

I touched the bags to make sure they were staying relatively warm. The blood was kept warm with a heat pack wrapped in a kitchen towel. I glanced up from my book and looked at him in the bed, still so gray, especially in contrast to the navy t-shirt he'd slept in. I remembered long ago how Bill had looked after being poisoned by Neave's horrid silver teeth. Three and a half weeks later and Cadel's face was even more shadowed and ashen than Bill's had ever been and he was much fairer-skinned than Bill. Dr. Ludwig considered him a miracle. Although I had a strong feeling that the miracle that he was still with us was really Bert and Branwen's, his skin had lost that smooth, unearthly sheen. His face and hands were roughened from the damage of the silver gas. He looked so much worse than Jamie did at present and Jamie had had much more exposure. But Jamie had benefitted from the same treatment I'd had, which clearly wouldn't work on Cadel. I knew based on how Bill was even four years later that it would be years before Cadel recovered fully.

I shifted in the chair slightly as I moved the position of the paper nervously in between the pages of the book. At the sound of my movement in the rocking chair, he sat bolt upright, alert, fangs down and snarled. The expression immediately faded to one of a bit of shock, upon registering my presence in the room.

"What are you doing in here?" he asked warily.

"I told Ruben I'd deliver your blood for him. I'm sorry if I startled you. I used the passcode to get in. I wanted to talk to you."

His expression, as he looked at the bundle in my lap, showed tightly controlled hunger and lingering wariness over waking to find me in his rooms. I rose and brought the bags wrapped in the warm towels over to the bed, put them down and then reached for the glass I'd put on the nightstand earlier.

"From a glass is okay?" I asked. "Ruben also sent straws."

"You aren't afraid to be in here with me all poisoned and hungry?" he asked, making a skeptical face and pursing his lips a bit.

"Not really. Plenty of bagged blood. Mostly O positive," I remarked as I opened one of the bags and poured some of it into the glass. "Ruben says you're supposed to have at least five bags today because Ludwig should be here around 1 am for another round with that dialysis thing she has rigged? Anyway, I've got six, just in case you're really hungry."

I handed him the glass. His eyes were riveted by it, but he took it from me gently and drank fairly slowly considering how hungry he appeared to be.

I sat on the edge of the bed fingering my book while he drank two glassfuls from the first bag, about the equivalent of a bottle of True Blood. After the first glass, though, he seemed much less hungry.

"I've never had a human in my rooms," he remarked, after a few minutes, swirling the blood in his glass. "I'm not bothered by the fact that _you're_ in here but it could have been dangerous, you know? If you'd caught me when I was hungrier or more off guard. Not so sure it was a safe thing to do. Not so sure it was the polite thing to just let yourself in, either."

He didn't look at me while he spoke.

"I figured it would be safe. How hungry could you be, considering you've been getting ton of blood lately? But it _was_ rude, you're right. I just wanted to talk to you and since you're not coming out much, and when you do you're with the others, I figured it would work out better like this. I'm sorry if it wasn't polite."

I composed myself and then decided to go ahead.

"Cadel, you remember how you told me about Maggie?"

He looked down at the blood in the glass and frowned slightly.

"Yeah, I remember telling you quite a few things back when I wasn't judged a monster."

"You shouldn't say that. I don't think you're a monster. I've never thought that, Cadel. I think you and I didn't see eye to eye on something and it caused a lot of strain." I paused. "You're not a monster. A monster wouldn't have gone and saved me, or saved Jamie the way you did. A monster doesn't love people."

He glanced at me silently and then finished off the glass. I opened the second bag and as I poured more blood into the glass, I continued,

"Maggie MacLaren, born 1774 in Glasgow?"

He looked at me with narrowed eyes.

"What are you on about?" he said, sounding irritated.

I handed him the glass and opened my book and took out the folded sheet of paper of the email I'd printed. I put it in his lap.

"There's a photo, to help be sure. She moved to Australia in the mid-1800's. She lives in Hobart, Tasmania. There's an address, and a phone number. She doesn't go by MacLaren now. It's Townsend. She's married. To a Were, actually. John Townsend. They've been married since 2007. That's when it was made legal in Australia. I thought though, that based on our conversation that time back in April last year, you were mostly just worried about her, and so you'd still want to know that she was okay."

The expression on Cadel's face was absolutely stunned. After more than a minute of silence, he put down the glass on the nightstand, picked up the folded piece of paper and opened it. Everything about his face changed as he looked at her picture. It was obvious that she was the right Maggie from the softening of his expression. I looked away and just smiled a bit. I'd been so certain it was the right woman.

"How'd you find her?" he said, glancing up at me, still looking totally stunned.

"Plain old-fashioned detective work. Plus, a bit of help from Bill. He doesn't know why I was looking for a vampire in Australia, though, so don't worry. He won't tell anyone. I made him promise. I had this idea that so many people emigrated from the UK to Australia and New Zealand. Bill doesn't have any database info from Down Under. I thought it might be part of the reason you hadn't seen her in the database. It's mostly just North and South America and Europe, after all. They compile their own registry there in Australia, just as part of their regular census of the general population. Bill found me an online source of information that linked to the vampire registry. So I looked for a female vampire by the name of Maggie who was also originally from Glasgow. When I found there was a vampire named Maggie in Tasmania and the dates seemed about right, I could see that might be her, since Tasmania has highland areas and moors. Maybe it would look a bit like Scotland? A friend of mine in the National Security Administration helped me get the contact information for her in Tasmania. And he found that photo of her, as well, in some sort of records."

He just looked at me and then a single pink tear trailed down his cheek. He looked away.

I rose and bent over him, kissing him on the cheek. As I started to turn away he grabbed my hand. He seemed to struggle to speak.

"It's okay, Cadel. We can talk about it later," I said softly.

He just held onto my hand, looking down at the photo on the page. Maggie MacLaren's wry smile, red hair and playful blue eyes were captured in a candid moment in it. She looked happy. A very playful sort of person. From what I'd found out, she was teaching languages in a night school in Hobart.

"You went in front of me when that guy shot at us," he finally said in a choked voice.

"I knew the bullets in his gun had liquid silver, Cadel. I knew about those bullets from when I was at the FBI. They likely would have killed you. And Felicia always thought I'd be the death of her. I've got a really poor track record with bartenders at Eric's bar from years ago. I didn't want to consolidate my bad reputation. Maxwell would have been so put out. Felicia's been very reliable."

He looked at me with an expression that I couldn't quite read. He and I both knew that I'd blocked him more than Felicia, who was almost behind him when the shots were fired.

"Why did you do this?" he finally asked quietly gesturing to the photo of Maggie.

"Because she was so important to you, Cadel. Because you worried something had happened to her because of your letting her down. I figured you could have found her yourself if you had tried but that maybe you were afraid to even look, in case something bad had happened. So it was better to have a friend look for you. Just in case there was something good there. Something to ease your mind."

"A _friend_," he said in an odd tone of voice, still not meeting my eye.

"A friend, a sister, whatever, Cadel. You just needed someone who cared enough to do it for you, so that you could stop feeling so guilty about it. I guess almost two hundred years of feeling bad that you let her down is enough already, right? I was so excited when I found out she was fine. So happy for you. Happy for her. She's a teacher. She teaches German and French I think, from what I could find. She seems to have made a good life for herself. I hope that it eases your conscience. Your _heart_."

"You don't want me to feel guilty? About her?"

"I know all about guilt and it just eats you alive from the inside. If you're already sensitive enough to feel so guilty for so very long, you don't need more any more guilt heaped on you, the way I see it."

He met my eyes.

"So _you're_ forgiving me then?"

I sat back down.

"I guess we're kind of forgiving each other, I hope? And…" I thought carefully about what I'd planned to tell him and then decided to do it. He'd told me a bunch of personal stuff, after all. "I've decided to tell you something that I've only told Eric. So that you could put that night with the Were in a different perspective, maybe see part of why I was so upset with what happened."

He looked at me silently but his face actually darkened as if he really didn't want to hear more about it. But I pressed on.

"I fought the Were. And I fought much harder than I had to, because I was trying to get him to kill me, Cadel. Because of something that Salome had planned to do with me. Something that to me was much worse to me than what the Weres were supposed to do. The big Were, he was kind of short on self-control, and so I deliberately baited him, making him get rougher and rougher. Right when you arrived, he had me in a hold that I'd been led to believe by my Krav Maga instructor makes it easy to get your neck broken. I was… helping him do that, so to speak. And then, just in the nick of time, you showed up. And you saw what he'd done, what I'd sort of helped him to do to me, because I fought so hard, knowing there was no way I could get away from them."

As he followed my words he got kind of wide-eyed at the trying to get the Were to kill me part. He didn't say anything. I continued.

"So I understand why you were so upset, okay? Because you saw what you saw- that I was so badly beaten, almost raped. _He_ looked like a monster to have done such a thing. And, I mean, I'm sure they would have already raped me if I hadn't been so busy fighting. Either thing was not going to be good in your eyes. I… I hated what happened, but I understand _why_ you were so angry. The thing is, I kind of made the Were get more violent with me. But you had no way of knowing that. And I mean, he's responsible for his behavior, don't get me wrong. But I wasn't exactly calming him. I was so shocked by what happened, with how you reacted. It frightened me. But I still love and care about you, Cadel. You're still my dear friend. My brother in law. I never stopped thinking of you that way. And I was sad when we weren't talking. I've missed talking with you. I know that Eric wouldn't have brought you here with him if you weren't a very good person. But more than that, _I_ know you're a good person because I just… know you myself. I know that you have a very good heart and you had, as Eric calls them, one of those dark moments. Really, I can't imagine what it's like for any of you to be so strong, so powerful, and to spend most of your entire life reining that in. Being good or kind when you don't even have to. Maybe when there's even a lot of history telling you that you shouldn't. So, I guess, I'm not in any position to judge or do anything other than just ask that you never be cruel to anyone on my behalf. No matter what they've done to me. That's all I'd ask. But I already trust you to honor that. You didn't even let Maxwell hurt Norm much, even after he shot me, at least as I understand it from Felicia. She said Maxwell would have killed him and you told him not to."

He was silent for a time then said,

"You never told them. Never told them any of the stuff I told you, about Maggie or about when I was in Munich selling blood. Not even when you were so angry at me."

I shook my head 'no'. We sat there silently for more than a minute. Finally he said,

"Andor told Stefan and me that Salome was going to make you try to kill Eric. So that he'd have kill _you_. That Eric told him that. Was that why?"

My eyes filled with tears and I just nodded.

"So you were trying to get the Were to kill you first, before she could get to you? So Eric wouldn't have to deal with things or that you couldn't harm him."

I nodded again.

He tilted his head and looked at me as if he thought I was an odd creature, but said,

"Well, Ocella used to do stuff like that. The best way to hurt someone is by making them hurt or kill someone they love. It's tactic common with vampires of that era, I guess. They could be a bunch of sick bastards." He looked at me with his jaw set. "You really would have done that, get him to kill you so she couldn't, wouldn't you? Yeah, I can just see you doing that. Always so brave," he murmured almost to himself.

"I guess it's the same kind of brave that makes a person go into a silver gas-filled room to save their screaming friend, even if he is a Were," I said quietly.

He looked away and sighed.

"Surprising that you wouldn't even let me get shot a bit. I'd been tetchy the last time you saw me."

"You apologized for that. In writing, even. And getting shot 'a bit' wasn't an option. Those bullets would likely have killed you, Cadel. They almost killed me and I had just a bit of vampire blood, right? Killing vampires is what they're designed to do, and the FBI is pretty efficient about stuff like that. Look at what their gas did just getting on your skin, as fast as you are. I never would have let him shoot you with those if I could prevent it. A single one can kill a vampire, but several? No way."

"Eric would have been in rotten frame of mind for a long time if you got killed because of trying to prevent me from getting killed. He'd've considered it pure carelessness on my part, you getting shot instead of me. I had to go and almost get myself killed just to be on the safe side so he couldn't take it out on me in case you died. James was a very handy excuse. But I suppose I still owe you."

He couldn't even keep a straight face as he said it.

"Yeah, Cadel. And Jamie owes you twice over now. But, sadly, you do owe me don't you… Better be careful, or I might tell you that you have to drive the speed limit in my car and pay for parking in order to repay your debt."

He gave me a dark look.

"You're going to give me no reason at _all_ to get better, then… I've got some stakes around somewhere. Might be preferable to driving slowly. Final death by boredom wouldn't be my thing."

I rose and said with a chuckle,

"I don't even think you could drive slowly anyway, so I'm not asking, don't worry. I'll let you finish the blood. I don't want them to get cold."

He picked up the paper with Maggie's information again and looked at it.

"Perhaps I'll write to her. She looks happy in that photo." He looked at it and then smiled an almost sad smile. "Yeah, I'm glad if she's happy. Funny that she'd marry a Were. Always had a soft spot for the furry creatures, she did." He looked up at me with those dark eyes looking so uncharacteristically serious. "Thanks," he whispered.

I nodded and left the room.

I walked down the hall, turned the corner and opened the door into our rooms. Eric, sitting at his desk in the library, looked up from his laptop.

"Was it okay?" he asked as the door closed. He hadn't even asked what it was that I'd wanted to talk to Cadel about alone in his rooms. He could only tell, I thought, that it was related to making up with him.

I smiled and my eyes filled with tears. I just nodded.

"Good," he said softly. He nodded back. "Good."

He beckoned to me and I went and sat in his lap. He held me and I didn't even have to speak. With his cool face pressed against my forehead, I felt so warm inside.


	10. Chapter 10

**X.**

We sat with a calendar and our laptops, and Bob the Third and Familiar scrunched up near us, going through the motions of planning work for December. I was still too weak to be up for much and Amelia was still very depressed. While I thought Bert's suggestion that keeping busy might be the best thing for Amelia, I couldn't imagine dealing with the pain of giving birth to a stillborn child and being able to focus on my work if it had happened to me.

"Well, we can do the one in Slidell next week," I said. "And we have to finish in Baton Rouge, too. Because I don't think I should try to do the stuff you had planned on the Area 2 compound on my own."

"Mmmm," she said, typing away.

I looked at her and tried to see beyond the surface of the bright and capable Amelia that everybody else saw. Her face was lacked the fire and alacrity that it normally had. And even if I could understand why, it made me sad. I could see why Bert was worried.

"Do you feel up to it, yet?" I asked quietly.

"Up to what?"

"_Working_, Amelia. Getting back to work. Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine."

"Having said that enough times myself, forgive my skepticism…" I said with a smirk.

"I'm really fine," she said. "Okay, then Baton Rouge week after next. What are we doing, if anything, the third week of December? Is Hunter going to visit you? And it's your anniversary and the holiday, end of that week, so any plans? You said you'll be here for the rest of this year, right?"

"Yes, I think it's better to stay here. I'm not up to a big Christmas get-together this year. We're just doing our anniversary, I think. Hunter may come, at least for a few days. After Christmas, though. So maybe we'll just take those last two weeks off, then?"

"Okay," she said, even though she frowned as she said it.

"Unless you want to work, Amelia? I mean there's that wizardy guy, whatever he is, over in Metairie and he's been after us for a month. We could do him the week of Christmas if you want. He doesn't sound like he's the type to be celebrating that holiday. And I can do some stuff while Hunter is here. I do work still in the summers when he's here, after all."

"I'll be fine."

I was silent for a while as I typed the plans into my calendar and added them to my online calendar so that Eric, Pam, Cadel, Jamie and Harry would know what my schedule was like. Jamie was still far too weak to guard me, but I was still letting him know what I was doing and we spoke every day several times a day. He was still officially in charge of all my daytime security, even if Harry was the one watching me now. Today Bert had come to pick me up though, because it was Sunday and Harry was busy with family. Eric laughed wryly when I'd told him just before dawn that I hoped he'd feel safe with Bert keeping an eye on me until sundown. Cadel was still in charge of arranging my nighttime security and Toussaint was supposed to arrive not long after sunset.

I sent emails confirming our start dates to the clients. Amelia seemed sort of disconnected and sat with the laptop closed in her lap. After a bit I said softly,

"What does Dr. Ludwig say?"

She opened the laptop again and appeared to be checking something. She bit her lip and looked down studiously as she typed. Finally, she looked up and said,

"She told me it's a pipedream. That only the rare human can reproduce with fairies or the Fae or any other supernatural being at all and that the miscarriages are a clear message that I'm not one of them. She said if I persist, that even if we have a baby, maybe something will be wrong with it. That I may get to see the child die one of these times, instead of just having it die inside me and that I ought to think about how bad I want things to get. That I need to be more of a realist. She thinks that if Branwen thinks it won't work, there's a reason."

"Oh, Amelia. I'm so sorry," said softly.

I stroked her arm softly. Her eyes filled with tears.

"It's just a crazy thing, you know? I never even thought about having a baby until we got married and then it became like this big deal. I just don't understand how I can be so upset about something that was never even a goal until recently. But I'm just so… sad." She started crying.

I put aside my laptop and then hers and just held her, in the process making Bob the Third very annoyed because he had to move. Familiar stayed tightly wedged against her on the other side of the couch. Amelia stroked her glossy black fur.

After a while she said softly,

"Do you ever feel sad that you won't have children with Eric? You never say."

I just nodded silently.

"Sometimes, when I think about the fact that you can't have children and that you can only see him when it's dark, I wonder how you married him, Sookie. When we lived together in Bon Temps you always seemed like such a family person. And you liked children so much. I know you love him, but… It seems like you gave up so much to be married to him."

"I really didn't, Amelia. I have Hunter, at least some of the time. And having time to myself during the day is actually pretty nice. I mean if I just stay at home, because there isn't anyone else I can hear on the third floor, it's wonderful. Eric understands me. It's a funny thing to think that the person who understands me best in all the world is a vampire. Sometimes, I think he understands me even better than my Gran did. Maybe better than I understand myself, even. And he still likes me, which is _really_ incredible."

"But his understanding you is because of the blood bond, isn't it? Because he can feel how you feel?"

I reflected for a moment.

"You know, even a year ago, I probably would have said yes. But sometimes now, I don't know. Sometimes I think it's because Eric just pays attention so well. Because he cares enough to pay attention. I could imagine that most of the time when there's that type of bond that a vampire wouldn't even bother paying so much attention to the person and their feelings. They might even be considered an annoyance. So I think that it's just Eric. Or, maybe… just Eric with me. So I'm lucky. And I do have family. They're just different, with the exception of Jason. Although he's different in his own special, kind of annoying way. But Pam, Cadel, Stefan, Andor and Markus are like family to me. They're certainly Eric's family. So that makes them mine, too."

She was silent for a while, her chin resting on my shoulder. Without even meaning to, my mind had filtered through her thoughts and her sorrow was so acute. My heart ached for her. I wished that there was some way to make things different for her. We just sat there, not even talking. After a while longer, she pulled away.

"Well, at least I can have a beer, if I want one, right? There's a silver lining to not being pregnant."

"I'll get it. Familiar looks as if she's very comfortable, and there's no reason to put her out, too. Bob is totally ticked off at me." He was sitting on the coffee table beating his tail and giving me the darkest look.

I got up to head to the kitchen and get us each a beer. As I closed the refrigerator door, Bert was waiting for me when I turned around. I couldn't help jumping just a bit.

"How are things going?" he asked quietly.

"Okay. We're going to have a lighter load, of course. I'm not ready to work much, but it should be enough to give her something to do, to keep busy. But it's hard to plan for a lot so close to the holidays. Maybe it will be enough to keep her busy and distracted. A job next week and the week after. We might do that wizard guy in Metairie right before Christmas. You know, the one with the odd shop? That will take planning because Ams says that he's got all kinds of weird wards for other things there. Now he wants to keep the humans out after what happened in Lafayette."

His face was still and thoughtful. He nodded.

"Good. I am, as always, grateful for your friendship with Amelia. You seem to balance each other so well. It was fortunate that your cousin provided the connection."

I nodded and stood there holding the two beer bottles. I hesitated and then asked a totally off the wall question.

"You know, I thought according to legend that showing gratitude when you're Fae was like a big deal. It's twice now you've told me you're grateful for something. Is it just a bunch of nonsense about saying thanks, like with vampires and garlic and stuff?"

He smiled at me as if amused.

"You assume I am Fae?"

"Well, I… I guess… Your thoughts are smooth like a fairy's. Even if I can't exactly read them. And I've heard it said that your scent is Fae-like."

He looked at me for a moment. Now whenever I saw Bert he was always flickering in and out of glamour to my eyes. He was so blue, so beautiful and so very fierce looking.

"Does a wolf smell similar to a dog? Or perhaps more accurately, a lion to a housecat?"

I swallowed and looked at him a little wide-eyed.

"I guess… I..." How do you respond to such a question, I wondered?

He looked at my distress with gentle amusement.

"A bit," he said softly.

"So you don't have a sort of etiquette about who you're grateful to, then? Or about someone being grateful to you?"

Raising an eyebrow, he shook his head slowly, indicating no. I got the distinct impression that he meant that etiquette of that sort was sort of pointless if you were Bert or Branwen. And that he was a lion in a world of housecats and mice. I was definitely feeling like a humble little mouse at the moment.

"So then I can say thank you for what you did to help Jamie, Cadel and me and it's not a mistake or indebting myself further?"

"I would have the courtesy to warn you before you indebted yourself to me. I am glad that the three of you are well. Your loss for such a cause would have been quite unjust."

"I'm very thankful, Bert. Very."

"You have been a good friend to my mate. She counts heavily on your kind understanding and support. It means a great deal to her and thus to me."

There was a moment of silence between us. I felt like time was just hanging in some odd way. It was a little disorienting. But I pressed on.

"Bert, Amelia told me what Dr. Ludwig said. I'm so sorry. It actually made me recall my great-grandfather telling me that it was hard for fairies to have offspring with humans. I guess it's sort of the same thing?"

"Yes," he said quietly. "Very much so, I believe."

"So, it wouldn't be like a physical thing in the sense of size or… something like that. Just more like maybe having the right genes to support development?"

His eyes narrowed slightly and he nodded cautiously.

"I suppose so. Why?"

I turned and put the bottles down on the counter for a minute, then turned back to him, crossing my arms.

"Well, I had this crazy thought. I have some fairy blood, right? Like, I'm an eighth fairy. And I look like my dad, and grandfather and great-grandmother, according to my great-grandfather, right? So that would mean that I was kind of more like that side of the family. And Einin, my great-grandmother, had no problem conceiving with a fairy-blooded fairy. Then, my grandmother with a half-fairy. So my crazy thought was this, do you think Amelia would be willing to try using me as an option to have a baby instead?"

Bert looked taken aback and was silent a moment. He replied in a measured tone,

"Do you think that Eric would even give permission for such a thing? Because I rather think otherwise."

I was puzzled.

"Permission?"

"Well after all…" He glanced up and down my frame. "He seems rather firmly attached to you. I cannot think he would take the idea of loaning you lightly. It does not seem his 'style'."

I went absolutely crimson.

"No, Bert, I…" I was blushing so strongly! "I meant like a _technologically_ made solution. I could give her eggs, from my ovaries. My friend Alla has done that for her youngest sister, who had cancer and couldn't have children after her treatment. You can donate eggs and then do in vitro fertilization. I mean, the only risk would be that obviously, my gift, or disability, or whatever you want to call it, might be genetic. But I guess compared to whatever any child would inherit from you, what would come from me would be like an afterthought, really, right?"

I saw amusement in his face at my intense blushing as I explained my idea. I was so embarrassed by what he _thought_ I had just proposed that I just kept on talking to get farther away from that whole idea.

"Maybe you can ask your mother if she thinks it would work before I offer it to Amelia? And I mean, if your mother says that it might work, then it might be better to wait a while before trying. I'm still not all that strong and she's still getting over what happened. Just in case even that still didn't work or something, so that it wouldn't be so much, all in row."

"You would be willing to do such a thing?"

"Well, sure. I mean, it's not like Eric and I can have children, so my eggs are basically just going to go to waste. And they ought to be kind of like fresh and new after… well, you know. And maybe the treatment would even help things, right? I feel so lucky that I at least have my cousin Hadley's little boy in my life. He and I are quite close. I had pretty much thought I wasn't going to have children, anyway Bert. I mean, even before Eric and I were together and then married. Partly it's a safety issue to me and partly it was not wanting to sort of curse a child with my… well, let's just say the telepathy thing is not exactly an easy business. But like I said, if the other half was yours, maybe it won't even be an issue and to say _you_ could keep a child safe would be kind of like the understatement of the century."

"It is a very interesting idea. _Very_ interesting. I shall ask my mother at the earliest opportunity about what her thoughts are on the idea. It is a very generous offer. Out of curiosity, when was the last indication of telepathy in the family prior to yourself and Hun…" he caught himself too late.

I looked wide-eyed. Had Eric told him? Had he just figured it out?

"Please," he said quietly, "don't be alarmed. Rest assured that information is safe with me."

"How did you know?" I whispered softly.

"You don't have to be concerned. And Amelia cannot hear us. I didn't wish her to hear our discussion. As for Hunter… we just know things. I cannot explain it other than that. We know things. It is how I know that I am safe with you and how I know I like you. The same means by which I know I am safe with and like Eric, Cadel, Jamie or Amelia herself, when I first encountered her. We, my kind, have a different way of perceiving. It is kind of like seeing someone and a summary of what they are all in one. Hunter is not exactly like you. He is another iteration of the same pattern. He has other gifts, perhaps some not even evident as yet. His line will continue to evolve along the present path. But I am curious about its, and your, origins and how long your family's gift has been quiescent. You know that Hale is an ancient British name? It is a very old lineage. The gifts of your lineage appeared to be renewed."

"Renewed?"

"Perhaps things which had died out were reinvigorated by the addition of the fairy blood to your lineage. It is hard to know what such mixing of magical bloodlines can convey."

"But… So you mean the telepathy was from my _grandmother's_ side of the family?"

"Most certainly. Hales in Wales, Yorkshire and Scotland were largely a line of druids, my dear. A line well-known for many centuries of being gifted with the sight. I merely meant that in fact, there is magic on both sides of your paternal line. It is probably why your grandfather was drawn to your grandmother in the first place. It would be, at least to my thinking, a reasonable assumption that what you propose would work, but as I say, I will consult with my mother about this. She is much more knowledgeable about such things than I am. I know little of childbearing compared to my dam."

"A line of druids?" I said quietly, still stuck on the first part. "My grandmother's ancestry _was_ part Welsh, on her father's side…" I murmured softly. "I hadn't thought about it in years, actually."

"Do you know what the term druid or _Dryw_ means in Welsh? It means _seer_."

"Were there women who were druids?" I asked out of curiosity.

"Of course. The gift of sight makes no discrimination as to gender. But I should let you return. Amelia grows slightly restless and I shall otherwise have to employ stratagems that I like not to use on my mate. Again, I am grateful for the most generous offer. It would delight me to see Amelia happy with a child."

And then he simply disappeared. And by that I mean, he was instantaneously _gone_.

I turned back to pick up the bottles, which were just a cold as when I'd removed them from the refrigerator. There wasn't even condensation on them. It was like no time had passed at all…

Whatever Bertram and Branwen were, they just took my breath away whenever I saw them even _slightly_ in action. And I was beginning to wonder if the relation to a Welsh god thing was true.

"Ams, where's the bottle opener?" I called out.

"Second drawer from the left, silly" she called back. "Can you bring the potato chips, too? Oh forget it, I'll get up."

"No don't make Familiar move, she was happy. And, you know, I have skills when it comes to delivery of food and beverage, Amelia. Honed over many years and _not_ quickly forgotten."

She actually laughed. It was good to hear her laugh. I realized I hadn't heard her laugh in quite some time. I hoped that Branwen would say that my idea might work.

**

* * *

**

When I got back to our rooms as I entered the library I was surprised to hear the TV in my dayroom and the sound of masculine voices and laughter. I walked toward the room to find Andor sitting on the couch, Cadel seated on the ottoman in front of him, biting deep into Andor's forearm and Stefan, who immediately rose, and smiled at me with sparkling eyes.

"Sookie," Stefan said, nodding to me in greeting, "we hope you don't mind our invading your space. We wanted a private place to sit where we could still watch TV or something. Eric said it would be okay with you."

Eric came from the kitchen carrying what appeared to be a number of bags of blood on a tray with several glasses.

"These should be warm enough. It's the last of what the Weres donated, though. Sookie, you're back from Amelia's earlier than I thought. I hope you don't mind?" he said with a questioning smile as he glanced over at the others and then back to me.

I looked at the TV. They were watching _The Lord of the Rings, The Fellowship of the Ring_? Cadel was feeding on Andor?

"What on earth are you guys doing?"

Andor pointed at Cadel with his free hand.

"We are so sick of his whining about how weak he feels from Ludwig draining or scrubbing his blood so many times after the silver. If I hear 'weak as a newborn kitten' one more time, I'll have to stake him just to shut him up. Since Ludwig says she is done, we're each giving him some of our blood. I'm thinking we've all gone soft in the head. More connected to Cadel is bound to be trouble."

Of course, he was the one sitting there with Cadel latched onto his powerful forearm.

"Too late now. And it's probably going to be good for Stefan to feel me at times. It will liven him up. He's far too sedate. And you know, I'm feeling more Scandinavian by the minute," said Cadel, taking a break and licking his lips. "I may even finally start speaking Swedish or something. Maybe I'll be more like a Viking. Good thing Ocella never thought of this, or he'd have kept me another decade or two. I could have ended up like all of you…" he sniggered.

"Norse, you buffoon," Andor said while laughing, smacking Cadel lightly in the back of the head. "You'd be speaking _Norse_ if you were a Viking."

Eric had poured blood into a glass and handed it to Stefan, who I now noticed had his shirt sleeve rolled up to the elbow.

"First things first, Andor. I had University Boy's first, so Swedish. So much better than Were blood. If I have much more from the Weres I'll probably start growing whiskers and a tail," said Cadel.

"Are you done?" asked Andor kicking at Cadel, who immediately sank his teeth back into Andor's forearm. "Helvete! Cadel, do you think you could stop letting it heal then biting _again_? Maybe you could bite with a bit more care? Or maybe shutting up and just sticking to it would be a thought? _Three_ times?" said Andor with a slightly pained look on his face.

After a moment more, Cadel finished, pushed Andor's arm away and a with a wry tone said, "It was your general allure that just left me without self-control, Andor. I couldn't get enough of you. Speaking of allure, doesn't this Legolas elf guy look a lot like Stefan if Stefan were better looking?"

"And you'd look like the actor playing the _dwarf_ if you were better looking, Cadge," said Stefan with a laugh.

"I don't look anything like him at all! He's all hairy. I'm _much_ better looking than that. And I'm 189 centimeters, Stefan," said Cadel in an irritated tone. "I'm hardly a dwarf, by any standard."

"Definitely a dwarf in this crowd," said Andor with a snort, said pushing on his back.

"Are you having mine or not?" said Eric.

"_Definitely_. I'll need yours to be able to beat up Andor, now won't I?"

Eric pushed Andor out of the way and took up a similar position with Cadel. Andor prepared himself a substantial glass of blood while Stefan brought another one of the chairs from the dining table over to me and gestured that I should sit next to him. He finished off his glass and poured more blood into it. I hesitated about sitting with them. It was Sunday, there were no plans for the evening and they were clearly having a ball. Plus seeing four guys sitting around drinking large volumes of blood, even if it was donated, was just not my thing.

"So, you guys are going to be at this a while longer?" I asked.

Cadel bit Eric's forearm and then raised his bloody lips, licked them and said,

"Wow, Swedish blood is _so_ much better than Norwegian blood. Who knew?"

I didn't even wait.

"Okay, I am so out of here, you don't even have to answer that. I'm going to find Pam," I said. "And if my glassware gets broken because of you guys horsing around, I'll be pissed off at the four of you, so watch it.

Stefan nodded to me in acknowledgement with a wry smile and toasted to me with his glass and Eric looked up at me amusedly. They all looked so happy, except for Andor, who was scowling.

"Cadel, that's the thanks I get for letting it slide that you glued down everything on my desk the other day? I felt bad for you because you've been so down and took it because I figured it cheered you up to screw up my desk and my night, and this is what I get? A Welshman insulting my fine heritage?" said Andor.

I quickly leaned over and kissed a smiling Eric on the lips and walked toward the door. Just as I passed the threshold into the library, I heard a grunt and then Eric said,

"Andor! You might want to wait until his teeth aren't in my arm _before_ hitting him!"

Meanwhile Stefan was saying,

"Can the three of you just shut up and watch the film? Honestly, can someone explain how it is that I'm the youngest and the most reasonable? Wasn't it supposed to be the _other_ way around?"

"It's because you're really an elf, Stefan. All waxen, wise and still. Just like in the movie. You're only pretending to be a vampire to fit in, and because we're cool and have more fun," said Cadel. "That and something just goes very wrong in the mind after about thousand years. _Very _wrong."

"You have to admit the actress who plays the female elf who loves the human is very attractive," said Stefan, referring back to the movie.

"I don't like the pointed ears," said Andor. "The elves in this movie look too much like fairies, if you ask me. Fairies are just too much trouble. Even an ounce of fairy blood is trouble, as we all know. And once you get into bed with one you're never getting out, either, evidently."

"Andor, dra åt helvete…" said Eric, sounding offended.

"I believe he's having what the Americans call a blond moment, Eric. I mean… Oh yeah, wait a minute…" said Cadel, breaking into laughter.

I heard sounds like a scuffle and then they all erupted into laughter again.

I exited the library into the hall, shaking my head, and went to find Pam.


	11. Chapter 11

**XI.**

**Late December 2011**

I awoke to find that Eric was playing some sort of complicated card game with Hunter, at the same time they were playing chess, each taking a turn and thinking about a move while playing the other game. I mean, I was dizzy just looking at it. It looked as if they had gone quite a few moves in the chess game, each having captured quite a few pieces of their opponents. With a smile on his face, Hunter picked up some card Eric had put down and then moved his bishop on the chessboard and said, triumphantly,

"Check!"

Eric smiled and as I looked at the board, I was absolutely certain based on what I was feeling from Eric that Hunter had jumped the gun and fallen into some dreadful trap of Eric's that he would not escape. He picked up one of Hunter's cards, laid down three pairs of cards and then moved his king, exposing his knight. Hunter then groaned audibly. His hand flew to his forehead.

"NO! I am _so_ stupid! It was a trick!"

Eric chuckled and said softly,

"It gets worse…" and after Hunter had picked up a card and discarded another then moved his bishop back one square, Eric took up a final card from the discard pile and then laid down a series of royal pairs. "I've had you since you put down that queen. You didn't pay attention to the count after you got the pair of kings and now I've got more royal pairs than you have on top of having my own pair of kings. Plus you agreed to aces high, so…" he laid down a pair of aces, as well.

Hunter's head fell to the tabletop and he banged it there lightly several times. He groaned and then sat up. He looked at the chessboard, shaking his head.

"There's no way I can win, right, Uncle Eric? I mean, it's just a matter of time. Because you're going to force me to take the knight with my last bishop and then your king is going to take my bishop and then…."

Eric picked up some pieces and put them back on the board.

"This is where you lost. All the way back here… But you're getting so much better. This is the best that you've played, other than the little detail that I was trapping you and you fell for it. But good game."

I stood there and smiled.

"So, um, Dinner? The two of you were just going to let me go on napping until when?" It was already past 7:30 pm.

Eric looked at me and shook his head.

"We were having fun without you. Hunter could really cut loose. There was even _language_ in an earlier round when he made a mistake."

"Oh really?" I said with my hand moving to my hip. I looked over at Hunter with dismay. An eleven year old in my care, cursing? "Well, I really don't like the sound of that, you know, Hunter…"

Eric pointed at Hunter and started roaring with laughter. Hunter turned red and then started laughing so hard he almost fell off his chair. Eric drummed on the table several times while continuing to laugh and smiling at Hunter and then turned to me and said,

"_So_ predictable. Like clockwork. Like rain in summer or snow in winter."

Both hands were now on my hips.

"What is so predictable?"

"Women. Specifically, _you_. I told him you'd take his cursing badly." He turned to Hunter and said in a conspiratorial tone of voice, "Another thing that's important to remember: women are creatures of habit, Hunter. If you pay attention, you will understand their habits. They love to be understood. They like you to pay attention. But if they have to _ask_ you to pay attention, you are lost and probably done. If you like one, you'd better pay attention from the very start. Being complimentary, treating her like a lady, acting like a gentleman, paying attention, all important points." Eric turned to me and by way of explanation said, "Hunter likes a girl at his school. And _older_ woman. She's just turned 12."

I stood there shaking my head. A 1100 year old vampire giving advice to an 11 year old boy about women? This had the makings of serious trouble.

Hunter turned to me and smiled politely.

"May we have the pork chops for dinner? Please? I love your pork chops." He smiled some more as if trying to be extremely ingratiating. Where was the Hunter I knew?

"Uh, yeah. Sure. Is this your version of sucking up, Hunter?"

"Eric told me women like to be complimented. That you should let them know you see what they're good at. I'm practicing." He smiled.

Omigod, I thought to myself. The two of them together had the potential to get on my very last nerve.

"You might not want to lay it on too thick. My goodness, the two of you are a pair, aren't you?"

"At least we're a pair who share information. Hunter tells me that he's coming to live here when he is 13. And that you have known this for more than two years."

"That is Hunter's _theory_. Of course, it's possible I'll be so annoyed with him by then that I'll send him to live at boarding school for Remy." I bent down and started looking for a good size skillet for the pork chops.

"Exactly when were you expecting to tell me this little plan?" asked Eric, who was shuffling the cards.

"I was planning to tell you when I believed it to be likely," I said as I shifted pans in the cabinet. I stood back up and gave Hunter a dark look.

"Hunter also told me that in July," he put up his hand because Hunter's eyes went wide and he sat up straight and looked like he wanted to stop Eric from saying anything further, "he wanted to talk to me, to tell me that he was very worried about you doing the undercover work in Lafayette. He said you wouldn't let him talk to me."

"He was leaving, you were asleep. Besides it would have worried you."

"It would have worried me, eh? Interesting reason not to tell me. Well, I've solved that little problem."

I hesitated.

"Really? How?" I asked, glancing at Hunter.

Hunter looked down studiously at the chessboard as he gathered up pieces and stowed them in the game box.

"I've purchased a cell phone for him as his present for the holiday from me. It will be delivered tomorrow. Of course, he has my numbers and Pam's as well. And my email address. And the next time he thinks something terrible is going to happen to any of us, he's going to call me and tell me no matter what _you_ say. Right Hunter?"

He glanced over at me then back at Eric and nodded his head cheerfully.

"Because secrets don't work very well around vampires, do they? They get you in trouble, don't they, Hunter?" He then looked at me with a provocative expression. "Especially with the vampires in your family. Serious trouble." An eyebrow raised slightly.

Hunter looked absorbed in putting the chess set away and just nodded. He rose to put away the chess set and then suddenly froze as he bent over the drawer the games were stored in. I felt chills run up my spine as I'd turned to look at him. It was like his zooming brain was just gone. I'd only seen that once before… in July.

"Hunter? What's wrong? Hunter?"

Eric turned back to look at him. Hunter's hand was still hovering over the drawer with all the games. He seemed to stare down, almost vacantly. Even Eric could tell there was something wrong, without being in his head.

"Hunter? What is wrong?" said Eric firmly. "What is it?"

Suddenly, Hunter began to go weak at his knees and Eric swiftly moved to catch him then picked him up and glanced down with puzzlement at the games drawer.

He carried him back to the table and sat down in his chair, with Hunter in his lap.

I bent over them and took Hunter's little face in my hands.

"What is it? What do you see?"

In an almost monotone voice, and with a vacant stare he said in whisper,

"The dominoes… They are all lined up now. The first has fallen and there is nothing to stop the rest… there is no turning back now."

Eric looked at me, puzzled.

"Is this how it was with the thing with the guy wearing the wire?" Eric asked.

I swallowed, and just nodded.

"Not quite so… intense, though."

"What does he mean?" he asked.

I shook my head. I couldn't even see what was in his mind. It was like it was all a blank screen.

"Turning back from what Hunter? From _what_?" I asked him.

He looked somehow old and distant. He squinted as if seeing something very far away and was silent for more than a minute. Then everything in his face relaxed and looked open again. He suddenly seemed much more present, almost as if he'd flipped a switch.

"I'm fine, Aunt Sookie. Everything will be fine." He leaned back against Eric for a moment. "You're so _big_, Uncle Eric. You make my dad seem small. He holds me just like this sometimes."

"What did you see, Hunter?" I asked softly.

He looked at me hesitantly and said, "I'm not sure. But it all works out fine." Then he briskly got out of Eric's lap and walked away.

Eric looked at me and made a gesture of puzzlement. I shrugged my shoulders. I trailed Hunter with my eyes and realized that I couldn't read what he was thinking, other than about pork chops, that is. Whatever he had seen was tucked away in some corner of his mind and I couldn't find it. He turned back to look at me and smiled.

"Can I make instant pudding with you for the dessert? Will you teach me how?"

That night, after Hunter was in bed, Eric sat in the library reading. After I'd come back into the room, I commented,

"So now he's calling you Uncle Eric to your face, eh?"

"Whatever it takes to get the little dwarf to do what I want…" he murmured not even looking up from him book.

"Eric!" I said, shocked by his sarcastic tone.

He didn't look up but he wasn't smiling or anything.

"Eric, he looks up to you. You do understand that, right? I mean seriously, he…"

"No lectures, Sunshine. You're on the blacklist with me right now because of the dirt I've mined from the little dwarf. You've known for years he was going to live here but didn't tell me? He was scared something bad would happen to you if you went to Lafayette and you didn't tell me? What else has the little dwarf been telling you that I don't know about, I wonder? Well, I'll find out."

I felt this jolt of anger at him. He was going to find out exactly _how_?

"You had better not be planning to twist anything out of him, Eric. I mean it. I will not tolerate your trying to manipulate him, if that's what you're implying, are we clear?" I said, deadly serious.

Still without looking up, he said,

"Too late. I'll get what I need now that he'll have the phone. Maybe I can even glamour him the way I did Ahmed. Now there's a thought…"

I gasped as I stood in front of him and he still wouldn't look up at me.

"Eric," I said in a low and cross voice. "I am not kidding here. You had better let Hunter alone, do you hear me? I'm serious!" I was getting more and more upset. "There had better not be any of that vampire BS going on with Hunter. I mean it! He's just a child and you gave me your _word._"

Finally, he looked up with eyes almost sparkling with laughter.

"So I did, Sunshine, so I did. And since I'm not wanting to wake up with a stake in my chest, I'm thinking I'd better keep it, too. The child is not in my plans. So don't worry yourself about _him_."

He was teasing me?

"It isn't _funny_, Eric."

"You're right. It isn't. He was very upset about your getting injured so badly after what he'd seen in July. And for the record, he told me that he was going to live here freely. I did not even raise the subject. He did. He was upset that you were so badly injured and had made light of his trying to warn you and his desire to warn _me_. He seems to think the same thing happened about Salome except that he warned you much more clearly about things this time. Of course, you told me about Salome. Which makes the Lafayette thing rather worse in my mind, since he was so clear about it and you clearly didn't want me to know. I seem to remember a conversation outside my office in which you assured me you _knew_ everything would be fine."

He leaned back in his chair, resting his chin on his hand, and looked at me.

"Well, what do want me to say Eric?"

"You were never particularly good at apologizing, so I'm not surprised you're having difficulties now."

He rose and drew me toward the bedroom.

"How long have we been married now?" he asked as he strode.

I stopped moving and gave him a dark look. I replied saucily,

"Two years and three nights," hoping that my saying nights instead of days would make him happy.

He nodded with an expression that looked like he knew exactly my reasons for responding as I did. He swooped down and picked me up, carrying me into the bedroom, setting me on the edge of the bed. He leaned over me with arms on either side of me.

"Two years and three nights. Yes. And when, exactly, are you going to start _really_ telling me things, Sookie?" he asked me, looking quite serious. "Important things, like who I'm going to be responsible for safeguarding or if you're likely to incur serious harm. When does that get going? Is there a timeframe for frankness?"

I pulled my eyes away from him and looked down.

"But I'm much better than I was," I said softly.

"You mean, since you weren't telling Ahmed or anyone else instead of me this time? But you still weren't telling _me_. I sense ample room for improvement, don't you?"

I nodded slightly and he tipped my chin up so I'd look him in the eyes.

"Two _happy_ years. But you didn't even tell me when he saw the guy with the spy gear until _after_ you caught him. I should have known right then and there that there was more I wasn't hearing about things. Is there anything else he's told you that I should know? Earlier tonight for instance? Did he explain that one?"

I shook my head. "No," I whispered. "There's nothing else."

"There better not be. If I catch you again, you will not like my solution to the problem one bit."

"Oh?"

He smiled. "I am not kidding you," he said firmly.

I sighed.

"If he ever warns me about something like the Lafayette thing again, I promise I'll tell you, Eric."

He picked up my hand and kissed it with a sardonic smile.

"And _this_ time, I think I might actually believe you. Or perhaps you should _want_ me to be able to believe you. Yes, you should want me to."

"There's no need to make threats."

"I wasn't threatening you, Lover. I was promising you."

"Promising what? What are you promising me?" I hissed. I didn't like his tone.

"Feisty creature," he said softly. "Has it occurred to you that part of the reason you were so upset last month is because you knew from Hunter that you could get hurt, kept it a secret and then _did_ get hurt, will take some time to recover and that you felt guilty that you had covered it all up? I seem to remember some prior promises to come clean on such things? Hmm?"

"Mmm." I was now feeling rather squirmy about the suggestion that it was part of what upset me about not being able to give him blood. I was feeling squirmy about the whole topic, actually.

"He told me that he told you that you could get badly hurt and that you brushed it off saying that you had a different standard for what bad was compared to other people. Is that what you said to him? To the child who was so concerned for you? You brushed off the child's concern for the only adult who appears to understand him? Brushed aside his concern for one of the only people who appears to understand _me?_ Only not so well that you don't know how your disregard of such things upsets me."

I looked down again and felt myself blush.

"So you can't even look at me?" he said, with his voice sounding tight. "Guilty, then? But is feeling guilty ever enough to get you to change, I wonder?"

He pushed me back onto the bed. His fangs were down and his eyes were glowing as he loomed over me.

"You listen to me. I am not threatening you. I'm _telling you_ that you will stop this bullshit, Sookie. You told me once that my behavior was beneath me. Well, this is beneath you. If you know something is very wrong, or dangerous and you _don't_ tell your partner, then you tell me what the partnership is all about? You came back from your experience saying you so valued your life with me and were so harrowed that you almost lost it? Then _act like it_ from here on out. And if you're expecting that I will safeguard your child you had damn well better make sure I know future plans for that child. If you try to get away with this sort of bullshit again and I catch you at it, you can bet that the very next time you are laid low I will do exactly what I did with Ahmed and I will have you singing like a canary. Be reasonable and keep your word to me. Because if you can't keep it on your own, I'll _help_ you keep it."

I trembled under him. Not because he was angry, but because he wasn't angry. That was the scary part.

"You wouldn't…" I said softly.

The glow went out of his eyes and his face was like marble.

"I wouldn't _want_ to. But another few rounds of this and you can bet I would," he said finally, with a voice that sounded glacial.

"You want me to trust you. Don't you?"

"Oh, yes. And it would be nice if we wanted the same things."

I swallowed hard. He stood up and started to walk away and I reached out and caught his wrist.

"I _do_ want you to trust me, Eric."

"Want it _more_," he said with an acid tone.

He pulled away from me and went off to the bathroom. He came out a few minutes later in his robe and walked past the bed.

"I'm taking a sauna."

I sat thinking for a while, remembering the things I'd thought about when locked in the basement room of the church. About Hunter and what he'd told me. About Eric. It didn't take long before I felt like I was itchy inside myself, uncomfortable with myself, in my own skin. I got undressed, put on my robe and went across the hall to the sauna room. I was glad I left my robe on because when I pulled open the door to the sauna I was surprised to see Stefan was in there with Eric.

"Kom in, kom in…" Stefan said.

He got up and walked out of the sauna smiling at me ruefully. He held the door open for me, and looking away as I walked in, held out a hand for my robe. I handed it to him and sat down next to Eric. As we heard the shower running outside, we just sat, not talking. Through the frosted glass of the door we could see Stefan putting his robe on.

"God natt," he called out.

Eric replied to him.

After he'd left we sat for a few more minutes before I said,

"I was consumed with guilt when I was in Lafayette that night I was shot. About not listening to Hunter. Not telling you. Thinking you'd feel me… I was really consumed with guilt, Eric. And since I was letting you feel me, you had to _know_ I was."

He didn't say anything.

I scooted closer to him and took his hand in mine.

"I'd still have gone to Lafayette anyway," I said softly.

He was silent as he looked at our hands and said quietly, shaking his head slowly,

"And I'd still have let you go."


	12. Chapter 12

**XII.**

**May 2012**

The cover of the January 2012 issue of _American Vampire_ had read, in large letters, "_Heroes_". Pam waved the issue in front of me and told me I'd have to look at Eric's copy because she was sure humans would leave smudge marks and she wanted her copy to be pristine. Then she asked me, barely keeping a straight face, if I'd autograph it for her and get Jamie to autograph it as well, so she could sell it on eBay. One look at my face and she burst into laughter.

In the cover photo and the photo in the table of contents, Jamie and I looked like our _un_-overstyled, everyday selves, in regular clothes, our natural hair and eye color, and broad smiles. We got to choose our own clothes for the photographs and we got to speak totally unscripted about our experience of the good (what there was) and the bad (pretty frightening) living among the Army of God's Light. The article had made it past the FBI, the DHA and the US Attorney's Office, and still actually managed to sound interesting according to Pam, who had a high standard for interesting. A group photo of 22 prominent Louisiana vampires and Weres was a centerpiece for the article. Packleaders and seconds from all the major packs in the state, from Alcide all the way down to Bennett, were photographed right alongside prominent vampires. Cadel had his arm on Jamie's shoulder and Stefan's. Jamie had his arm around my shoulder and Eric had his arm around my waist. Andor stood next to Eric and Bennett. Pam, Dani and I looked positively tiny amongst all the guys and Felicia. Even Felicia was 6 feet tall, after all. All in all, the entire tableau looked rather amazing. I had a print of the image hanging above my desk in my office and my home office. I joked with Eric that I ought to be wearing Nan Flanagan's infamous (at least with me) navy blue dress with a plunging neckline in order to fulfill Nan Flanagan's idea of what I was all about. Eric thought my black silk slacks and ruby-red v-neck silk shirt were just fine. Although, he was still grumbling that I was back to a now very minimal size 6 by late November when the photo was taken. I actually thought I'd lost even more weight because I was still too weak to get much exercise.

I was proud of what I had done to promote the awareness of supernaturals' civil rights and make the world more aware about the threat of domestic terrorism because of intolerance and racism. I was happy that Eric was proud of me for doing it, too. But I was still very nervous doing what it was that Eric, Nan Flanagan and Toby Darton asked me to do next.

In a suit that Pam helped me select, and after Amy Collins had prepped me for the appearance, on Tuesday, May 29, 2012, at 10:15 am, I took my seat, drank a sip of water and adjusted the height of the microphone in front of me, glancing out at the long semicircular desk in front of me. After a few long-winded pronouncements, they signaled to me. I swallowed and looked up and spoke in my clearest tone of voice, as I spoke from memory of my carefully written notes.

"Good Morning Madam Speaker, Madam Secretary, and members of the Joint Committee on Supernatural Civil Rights. My name is Sookie Northman and I'm a mostly human woman married to a Louisiana vampire who is a naturalized citizen of the United States. Recently, I have personally experienced the prejudice and violence of humans less tolerant of differences among citizens of this great country…"

Jason watched me proudly from the gallery. Barry, Ahmed, Alla and Mercan did, as well. Daytime representatives for the American Vampire League sat near me, and the North American Pack Union representatives, sat behind me as well. Jamie sat right next to me and testified next.

I didn't know if laws would change as the result of our testimony but what I did know was that every change began with a first step and with real people advocating for that change. And I knew that everyone around me, from my brother to my husband to my two closest friends had something about them that in the eyes of so many people made them frighteningly different. And therefore a target for harm because of their differences. I didn't want a world in which the Berts, Erics, and Bennetts had to do what they could to keep themselves and those they loved safe because our government wouldn't recognize their rights. I had seen enough to believe that such a world would have quite a lot of collateral damage in it. I wanted a better world than that for Hunter. And for Amelia and Bert's child when they finally had one. And for any child of Jason's with his werelynx girlfriend who was looking more and more like she might be 'the one'.

So in spite of the fact that I never wanted to be in the spotlight or do vampire or _any_ supernatural PR, Sookie Northman, the telepathic ex-waitress and ex-FBI agent from Bon Temps, Louisiana went on the Congressional Record of the United States of America advocating for the Supernatural Civil Rights Movement. Words like equal protection might have a different meaning for the average human than they did for me or for so many people I knew. For all the humans out there struggling to believe that vampires and Weres, and gosh knows what else, ought to have the same rights, the supes I knew thought that they _better_ have those rights or they'd do what they had to do to be safe. And really, considering the many good people I knew who had some difference from the rest of the human world, all I could say after my two months in Lafayette was… I couldn't blame them. Laws might be a thin barrier between people hating each other and taking action on that hatred, but you had to start somewhere.


	13. Chapter 13

**XIII.**

**Late November 2012**

_Upstairs on the roof._

I had written the note on the printed lab results that I'd left taped to the bedroom door.

It had taken fourteen months from when I was shot to completely clear the silver in my blood. The detectable value had finally, at long last, fallen so low that it did not register for two successive months. Erring on the side of caution, Eric had said that if there was really _any_ silver detectable at all, that he didn't want my blood. He was worried about becoming ill or weak from even trace amounts. It would be irresponsible to have taken my blood knowing there was still detectable silver, he told me, considering the safety of everyone else in his service depended upon his appearing to be unassailable. I had only to look on Sophie-Anne's fate as a reminder as to why this was true. He had, in fact, made a great point of trying to appear as robust as possible in all public appearances for the past year, in case anyone thought that my having been poisoned with silver had affected him. But it had been a peaceful year that was coming to a close. Louisiana was at long last a peaceful state. In the past fourteen months Dani and Rasul had ironed out all the kinks in Area 2 and Dani was now managing multiple successful businesses, including several all night stores that also had restaurants, and several ventures that catered to the night owl students in Baton Rouge. She had also set up a very successful lecture transcription and video conferencing service for students at LSU who could not attend daytime classes but needed the coursework for completion of their degrees. It was a subject near and dear to her heart considering how long it had taken her to obtain her MBA. So Dani and Rasul were happy in their new position and Eric was delighted with their success as husband and wife Sheriffs. It was absolutely unique and in fact they were the only dual Sheriff team in the US. Surely, I told Eric, one thing he could be certain of was that he would never doubt Dani's calling it as she saw it on any issue. She had a gift for cutting the fine line between frankness and getting herself in deep trouble for being so honest that it made you wince.

At 4:40 am, Eric appeared on the roof. He'd changed out of his suit and was in jeans and a black t-shirt. He looked caught off-guard when he saw me. It was slightly warm for November, actually, but he hadn't expected me to look as I did.

I was sitting in the lounge chair, reading with the aid of my book light. I was dressed in a dark red cocktail dress that had a low and rather wide v-neck that showed so much cleavage it could only be described as the very outer edges of good taste. It was slightly above knee length and I wore a pair of new shoes, red sandals with four inch heels. I'd stashed the flats I'd worn to climb to the roof under the chair. My hair, though just shoulder length, was pinned up with a pretty hair clip. The charcoal gray shawl that I had worn in case I got cold was loose around my shoulders. I had a little bit of makeup on, but no perfume. I was sipping champagne and shivering slightly with the cool air.

"It appears I am underdressed," he said.

"You look fine to me," I replied with a smile. "Maybe better than fine."

Planting my feet firmly on the floor, I rose and balanced in the heels as he moved to my side, steadying me.

"It also appears that you're celebrating," he said with a smile, his eyes lighting on the champagne flute and then moving very thoroughly over the dress and heels.

"I haven't started celebrating yet. I can't celebrate without you."

He managed to drag his eyes back up to meet mine after just a few seconds.

"New dress?" he said with a very big smile.

"Yes, just for you. It isn't too trashy is it?"

His eyes moved back down over it and me. He stepped back slightly and looked at me from the feet on up, lingering at the low cut neckline.

"It's… absolutely perfect," he said, looking me right in the eyes. He walked around me and brushed a cool finger from my shoulder down to my elbow. "Does it have a zipper?" he asked me playfully, eyes aglow, as he leaned over and brushed his lips on my forehead.

I laughed and raised my left arm so he could see the side zipper more easily. He caught my wrist and hand in his and brought my hand to his lips. He then pulled me closer to him and, pressing me against himself, kissed me until I thought I couldn't breathe anymore. He seemed about as stirred up as I was, if the contours I felt pressing against me were a good indication of things. He sighed heavily.

"Mrs. Northman."

I smiled as I rubbed my forehead against his jaw. Laughing softly I replied,

"Mmmm? Yes, Mr. Northman?"

"I realize that you appear to have gone to some trouble to arrange something up here and that perhaps you even wished to dance up here. Unfortunately, we must…" he cleared his throat, "go downstairs."

I pulled away from him slightly and blinked, kind of surprised.

"Why?" I said softly.

"We need privacy. And I would prefer not to waste any of my energy achieving it on Andor," he said dryly, nodding his head slightly in the direction of the stairs.

I peered around him and Andor smiled and waved to me from the stairway door. Omigod, Andor could be _so_ annoying at times! I should have put in the note that I wanted him to tell Andor not to come up the way he did sometimes. He'd never leave now that he was here. Both from the standpoint of Eric's safety and from the teasing relationship he and Eric had with one another. Really, I was sure given Amelia's warding of the roof in great detail, that it was mostly the latter that would keep Andor on the roof.

"Oh," I said, in a flat tone. "I see."

We could dance in the library, then. I picked up my book and my champagne flute. He took the glass from my hand and then picked up my right hand in his left and we walked toward the stairs. Andor snorted softly after looking at me and then looking over Eric, but swept aside at the doorway. Eric went down the stairs ahead of me, turning to steady me in the precarious heels. Once on the third floor, as I walked past him I saw him turn and, lightning fast, take a swing at Andor, who'd seemed to be examining my new dress with a little too much care for Eric's liking. Andor dodged the swipe with a chortle and made a very amused face at Eric but smiled at me when he saw me looking at the two of them.

"You look very nice, Sookie," Andor said, nodding to me and then bowing his head so that Eric couldn't question his appropriateness. The grin on his face showed that he was having an immense amount of fun, however.

Eric and I walked toward our rooms with his arm around my waist. Once inside, he disappeared and started my Diana Krall CD mix on the audio system in my dayroom, so that the music drifted into the library. I'd been on a Diana Krall kick for several weeks. He was back and tossed my shawl on his desk. He took me in his arms and we danced silently to _The Look of Love_. He spun me around to the strains of _So Nice_ and _Where or When_. As he held me close again with _I've Got You Under My Skin_, I felt the zipper unzip and a cool hand slipped around my waist inside the dress.

"Fast work, Mr. Northman…" I murmured.

"I'm going _slowly_ out of consideration, Mrs. Northman. I don't want any allegations of being mauled."

"Had those before, have you?"

He leaned away from me and looked down at me with a dark look and a raised eyebrow. Then he broke into a playful smile as he kissed me and miraculously undid my bra strap all at once. Another few minutes of dancing and we were moving on to a very different dance in a different room. The dress was off and surprisingly even the shoes were off and I was happy and filled with anticipation. Ten minutes later, I was _still_ filled with anticipation.

"What's wrong?" he murmured nuzzling my ear. "You are being so quiet and you still haven't come."

"Are you going to bite me or not, Eric?"

I leaned back to look at his face in the flickering candlelight. He smiled at me, not showing me even a millimeter of teeth.

With his hands tangled in my hair he pulled my face closer and kissed me. I tasted his blood. He'd bitten or at least scored, into his tongue with his fangs. He pulled away and then whispered in my ear,

"_Where_ do you want me to bite you first?" in a husky voice.

I shivered in anticipation. Okay. He wanted me to _want_ to be bitten. He'd teased me so many times about the fact that I thought I was messed up for liking being bitten and for missing it so much. Fine, I'd say it. I _wanted_ him to bite me.

"Anywhere… just…" I let out a quiet gasp and closed my eyes. "Just bite me already, because you're driving me crazy, Eric."

"Crazy? _Really_?"

I groaned and opened my eyes to see him smile even wider, now with some serious fangs. He rocked me back onto the bed and seemed to just float above me, his eyes taking in mine hungrily. I could still hear Diana Krall singing _Just the Way You Are_ off in the distance. He pulled a pillow under my head and shoulders and then kissed me again as he slowly pulled himself out of me, kissing my throat, grazing my neck with his fangs, then moving down my sternum and doing the same with my breasts. By the time he'd gotten down to my inner thighs after lingering in nearby locations for an absolutely maddening amount of time, I thought I was going to just expire. He laced the fingers of my hand into his as his other hand held my thigh open.

"Don't close your eyes," he whispered. "_Watch me_ bite you."

I kept my eyes open as long as I could but was just swept away on the pleasure of it. He moaned softly enjoying it himself until I felt almost lightheaded and he stopped, sealing up the wound quickly and, with a tug on my hand, pulling me up to sitting. He kissed me, climbed back into the bed and then shifted us onto our sides and we resumed. After a while he shifted so that we were sitting as before, with me in his lap and my legs curved around his hips. Brushing my hair, which had mostly come loose, out of his way he kissed and then bit my neck and then kissed me passionately, letting me taste my blood, and his, all mixed, until I could hardly even breathe. Then he whispered,

"Bite my neck? Mmmm?" He offered me his neck, turning his head to the side.

"You want me to have _more_?" I said softly.

"I want to feel me, inside you, everywhere… _every_where," he whispered, holding my face in his hands and guiding me to his throat.

I bit and he gasped with the pleasure of it, his hands on my breasts. His pleasure just reverberated in me. His thick, sweet blood flowed slowly and then the skin began to heal quickly. I kissed the spot and stroked my finger over it when the skin was smooth. I glanced up at him and saw him looking down at me with still glowing, but gentle eyes. He looked so happy. He rocked me back into the pillows and started thrusting into me until we were both crying out. For a long time he was just heavy on top of me and I brushed my fingers through his hair as I savored the familiarity of the lingering taste of his blood in my mouth. He finally sat up and patched up my thigh and my neck, then rolled onto his back, pulling me partially on top of him as he did so. He pulled the clip out of my hair and stroked the hair out onto my neck and lightly near my shoulders. It was slowly growing back out and was thicker than it had been. He raised my hand to his lips and then said, with a wry tone,

"Consider yourself bitten."

I burst out laughing and then we both laughed happily.

We lay there in the dark before the dawn, and he gently stroked my thigh, which was lying across his hips and thigh. Rosie finally jumped up on the bed and planted herself in the middle of my pillows, purring loudly and evidently quite happy that all the ruckus on the bed was over for the night.

"I hope you won't mind my telling I told you so," he said softly.

"Sure. Tell me," I said, kissing his shoulder where my head rested on it.

He rocked his hips into mine and said,

"I told you so, tvivlande kvinna."

"What does tvivlande mean?"

"Doubting, skeptical, disbelieving?" he said, tickling my thigh.

"Well then, I think you're crossing the line a bit on the 'I told you so thing'," I replied in a sleepy murmur.

"Easy for you to say, when you're not the one being doubted."

"Hard for me to say, since I've never given you a reason to doubt me," I said.

"Oh, really? Let's not even start comparing notes or you will embarrass yourself. I've never given you a reason to doubt me, _ever_, Sookie Northman."

I hesitated, thinking back to spending about two months in an apartment with Jamie and trying to maintain our cover. I should get a pass on that but there was that whole photo business and shutting him out so he wouldn't feel how freaked out I was. And not telling him what Hunter had told me about being in Lafayette. Not telling him about nightmares. Or that Hunter would come and live with us. And there was the whole running away thing. Plus, a few other occasions of not exactly having been straight with him. Okay, I was going to shut up.

"Ha!" said Eric, sensing my defeat and almost quaking with laughter. "At least you're silent when you're called on it. A rare moment in life with Mrs. Northman when she backs down. I'm making a mental note. I have to tell Andor and Pam."

"I'm going to _sleep_ now," I announced, trying not to laugh.

"Ja, ja. How convenient." After a moment's pause, he said, "You have the doctor's appointment tomorrow in the afternoon, right?"

"Yes. Bert's picking me up so no worries on the bodyguard thing since Harry's away. I told Jamie I'd just stay with Bert until Toussaint and Cadel can come. Amelia says they'll do the history and a couple of blood tests for both of us. No injections and stuff yet."

"You're going to be okay with doing this for them?"

"I am, don't worry. After I mentioned it to Bert last year, I've thought about it. I really want to do it for Amelia. It's the right thing to do."

His arm tightened a bit around my shoulders, almost protectively, and he stroked my leg again.

"I'm not so sure it will be the easy thing to do, though, especially if it works and you see them raising your child, Sookie."

"But that's the thing, Eric. It won't be my child. It will be _theirs_. And I'm fine with it. Are you sure _you're_ going to be alright with it?"

He sighed a bit.

"It makes me feel odd to think of a child that is half yours and half some other man's. But it is your gift to give and I understand why you give it. If you are content with the arrangement, I am content, Lover."

"Good," I said in a whisper. I wrapped my arm around his and sighed contentedly. In the distance, I could hear the Diana Krall disc finish and hear my favorite Wilco song, _You and I_, start playing.

"What do you want for your anniversary present this year?" he asked quietly after a minute or two. "It's only a month from now."

"Another year like this one? Peace and quiet. Jason's son being born healthy."

"I was thinking more like travel or jewelry. You know, stuff I can control?" he said with a snort.

"I've traveled enough this year with my two trips with Alla. And I have enough jewelry. How's about we ask Bert how to make the roof even safer so that we can dance up there in peace. _That_ would be a gift."

Eric rumbled with laughter. He glanced over at the nightstand and blew out the candles.

"Lover, you never want the easy things, do you? As if Andor would actually trust Bert to protect the roof… He doesn't even trust that _Amelia_ has properly warded the roof, but Bert?" he said shaking his head. "We can try. And maybe we can put up some sort of a privacy screen, so that…"

I elbowed him, but he said softly,

"It's _my_ anniversary, too."

"En hemsk man."

"It is gratifying that your Swedish is improving."

"If only your penchant for teasing me would improve, Eric."

"It's very hard to teach an old vampire new tricks."

I groaned.

We went on talking in the dark, until dawn, the way we always did...

* * *

Next up: _The Darkest Hour_ and _The Gravity of Love, then the conclusion of this series._


End file.
